Show up with a poop filled pie.

Wow -this is beyond rude. If your husband was going to the party then zero chance they would uninvite the boss due to space constraints. And the nerve given it is due to your kind husband filling in that the host (and presumably his whole family) gets to attend. At the very least, the host could have picked up the phone to ask if your family still wanted to come if you were not going to be there. I agree with others that your husband should needs to call his subordinate out - you can’t go at this point even if the subordinate were to apologize- would be awkward for you now - but they should know that email was totally disrespectful.

It's a work event for your unit and they excluded some of the families of employees of that unit? The email is ridiculous. People are insanely rude. Just tell your DH in the future that he shouldn't be doing any favors like that.

Who wrote that letter?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

Space issue or not, that’s the rudest email I’ve ever seen.

+1. How did your husband respond?

Your husband needs to show this email to the person he's covering for and tell him in no uncertain terms that his offer is rescinded. This is not acceptable in any way. In fact I can't imagine the host (the person dh is subbing for) would even approve of this.

Op, I would be pissed if my husband didn't respond. And if he doesn't, you should.

This is maybe the rudest thing I have ever heard. I can understand not inviting the boss and his family in the first place. Or maybe for them to privately gossip about how it’s weird the wife and kids came when boss wasn’t there. But to accept boss’s offer to cover and then UNINVITE the wife and kids?! On the basis on boss not being able to come because if volunteered to cover the shift?!! So incredibly distasteful and thoughtless and rude. To un-invite anyone to anything for any reason is very rude, but in these circumstances, it’s insane. Even if you/your kids are super awful or boring, they sgould have just not invited you in the first place!

OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. I think your only choice is to look elsewhere for friendship and write this whole group of people off entirely. I am not afraid of confrontation and if I were your DH, I would respond that he is disappointed because the reason he took the shift was that so the party could go on and the rest of his family, and tell them they are being very rude. And if i were you, i would forward the email to my closest friends and encourage them to tell the host what a dick he is. Wow.

OP— are all the families uninvited or just yours ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what did the email ACTUALLY say? did it say "since bob is working the shift now, sally and the kids are no longer invited either"?

+1 I need to know the text of this email!

"Unfortunately, for capacity reasons, we've made the difficult decision to cut back on the attendees of the 2023 [Unit] Super Bowl party. I appreciate your willingness to [slang] for [person] in order for him to host, but because of the space limitations, it would be best if you conveyed our disappointment to Mrs. Smith that we won't be able to host her and kids this time around."

Maybe it truly was a space thing. But it seemed like such odd timing.

Space issue or not, that’s the rudest email I’ve ever seen.

It sounds like your DH doesn’t want you speaking to these people on your own, 1 on 1.

This is incredibly weird and something isn’t adding up.

Anonymous wrote:This is the unfortunate part of military life. I did it, and things definitely got more lonely in the final stretch to retirement.

I’d start looking for opportunities to engage inside the civilian community. Book clubs, yoga classes, whatever. You need a network without a power dynamic.

+1.

What happened to you, OP, is rude and unfortunate. I’d feel disappointed too, especially as you’d been looking forward to the party and your family sacrificed spending the day together so your DH could cover. Maybe it is a capacity thing, particularly if it’s held at a venue that has a stricter headcount or people pay a landing fee to attend. I can assure you that the entire unit isn’t in on this or anything; it’s more than likely one or two people who made a dumb/rude decision.

All that said, I’m with PP and can commiserate that is is lonely at the top. My spouse is the boss and while I have made good connections where we are currently stationed, I sometimes wonder if some people are being friendly because they want to be or feel like they need to be. Social occasions can get dicey too regarding fraternization, and the bottom line you don’t want to let loose in front of your boss as much as your boss doesn’t want to let loose in front of subordinates. We always first to leave the military ball, holiday party, or First Friday at the club for this reason. Funnel your energies into making contacts among peers (if possible) or with civilians. The rules around socializing amongst ranks are so rigid that unless it’s on equal or almost equal footing t is often easiest and best to stick to non-mil socializing when in command or, say, at flag level.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. The military can be cruel to spouses snd children. Your husband's career may be in jeopardy because his underlings obviously think he is a doormat. I have never heard of an officer in charge taking a shift so underlings can celebrate and the underlings in question are complete jerks in return. Usually you would attend and everyone would talk about how awesome your DH is. This isn't normal and I hope your DH gets a new assignment soon and you PCS far away from these people.

Yeah these people have no respect for your DH. Is your DH’s career doing ok?

I guess? He just got promoted and took this position. The fill-in thing is because his predecessor used to do the same, and he hasn't found a way to rightly end it. That's all.

Incredibly incredibly awfully rude. DH needs to address the disrespect to him or push back, loneliness is a secondary consideration.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. The military can be cruel to spouses snd children. Your husband's career may be in jeopardy because his underlings obviously think he is a doormat. I have never heard of an officer in charge taking a shift so underlings can celebrate and the underlings in question are complete jerks in return. Usually you would attend and everyone would talk about how awesome your DH is. This isn't normal and I hope your DH gets a new assignment soon and you PCS far away from these people.

Yeah these people have no respect for your DH. Is your DH’s career doing ok?

I guess? He just got promoted and took this position. The fill-in thing is because his predecessor used to do the same, and he hasn't found a way to rightly end it. That's all.

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. The military can be cruel to spouses snd children. Your husband's career may be in jeopardy because his underlings obviously think he is a doormat. I have never heard of an officer in charge taking a shift so underlings can celebrate and the underlings in question are complete jerks in return. Usually you would attend and everyone would talk about how awesome your DH is. This isn't normal and I hope your DH gets a new assignment soon and you PCS far away from these people.

Yeah these people have no respect for your DH. Is your DH’s career doing ok?

Anonymous wrote:Do you see these people often ? Or ever without your husband?

We rarely socialize with anyone from anymore - since, you know that whole pandemic thing- are you even on a first name basis with these people and their spouses ?

Are your children involved in school or extra curricular activities with them ?

If not, you’re over reacting.

Get a dog if you’re lonely . You have a husband and kids. No excuse to complain here

Obviously people hosting/attending a Super Bowl aren't still afraid of covid. Get some therapy for your anxiety.

My husband would never stand for something like this. I wouldn't need to tell him to say something - he would on his own.