Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a troll. The kid got a full ride to UVA, but isn't a Jefferson scholar. They somehow got some tech scholarship for a full ride and graduated with a CS degree, but ended up at Mason for grad school? Either the kid is going into the private sector and has zero need for a masters (especially from Mason) or they want to go into either academia or a more niche specialty, but they ended up at Mason. Neither path makes any sense.

You realize that Google, Apple, and Amazon have many tech workers in Northern Virginia, right? Many of them go to Mason for an MS degree in either CS or Computer Engineering. Mason is a very good university for working professionals. You also realize that there are so many scholarships out there from tech companies, and you don't have to be a Jefferson scholar to attend UVA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should not expect their husbands to pay debts incurred prior to marriage. We aren't chattel and we can pay our own way.

Lots of women working in non-profit or teaching at independents while living in million dollar plus houses would disagree, just quietly because they can't actually say it.

Anonymous wrote:OP is a troll. The kid got a full ride to UVA, but isn't a Jefferson scholar. They somehow got some tech scholarship for a full ride and graduated with a CS degree, but ended up at Mason for grad school? Either the kid is going into the private sector and has zero need for a masters (especially from Mason) or they want to go into either academia or a more niche specialty, but they ended up at Mason. Neither path makes any sense.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at the amount of personal details OP has shared about son and future DIL. It's a small orbit and there is a lot of info here that would be recognizable to UVA folks ("Gee, Harold, that sounds an awful lot like George's good friend who is engaged to that teacher girl. Didn't George get that scholarship and is going to work for tech?")

Anonymous wrote:Women should not expect their husbands to pay debts incurred prior to marriage. We aren't chattel and we can pay our own way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should not expect their husbands to pay debts incurred prior to marriage. We aren't chattel and we can pay our own way.

Alright, I'm sick of these posts denigrating this woman in this manner. Suggesting she is "milking" her future DH. Suggesting she'll want to SAH with kids while her DH pays them off. NONE of this is supported by the OP and it is more than a little sexist across the board.

The kid was 18 and made financial decisions that maybe she ought not have, maybe there were better options, maybe she misdjudged or changed her major . . . . lots of people make this choice. Women and men. These are kids that are making important decisions and maybe are not prepared to do. Maybe her parents didn't counsel her or didn't know. Her school debt is not a moral indictment on her character or her intelligence. You people are gross.

OP, I think you're approaching this correctly. Stay out of it but offer to help and what you've offered is extremely kind and generous. I would hope they take you up on it.

Anonymous wrote:Is the young woman unusually attractive?


Is DS able to process this commitment in a rationale manner?

Anonymous wrote:Women should not expect their husbands to pay debts incurred prior to marriage. We aren't chattel and we can pay our own way.

Anonymous wrote:I would not want my child saddled with a partner who comes to the table with $200K plus in loans without the potential income to pay for it. I mean, what is her plan? Guaranteed they'll get married and the next thing you know kids arrive and she suddenly wants to be a stay at home. Prenup that makes her loans her (and her parents' responsibility). I honestly would question this woman's judgement. Is your son's GF willing to have a small courthouse wedding and have mom and dad spend money they might have spent on a wedding on the loan instead? Or is she a princess who is going to want it all and doesn't view HER debt as truly her's to repay? Total Mrs. Degree BTW.
---mother of two, has always worked full time, financially responsible

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d advise your son to wait for another 2 years post gf’s graduation. The huge debt can be an impediment in their ability to become financially stable. Are the 2 in the same page regarding budgeting and expenses? Finances can cause friction in relationships especially if there’s inequality in the debt burden coming in as a married couple. Is your son really okay with that huge debt?

+1. No harm in waiting a few years.

There is harm to the woman whose time you’re wasting. Infertility causes tension in marriage and costs as much as the young woman’s debt to address (if you’re lucky!). OPs son should break up with her so she can find an independent adult to start a family with.

She’s 24 so we’re talking 26. How many DCUMers had children before 26?

Her loans won’t be substantially altered by the time she’s 26. All she will have done is wasted two years in which she could have met someone who is marriage material.

If OP had financial expectations for her son, she needed to communicate those when he started dating, not when he was talking about marriage. All that this has accomplished— if the young couple stays together— is ensuring OP is a despised in law.