Anonymous
Post 01/17/2023 09:02     Subject: Re:How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:I can see the OP’s POV on this, no matter how mean some can perceive it to be.

It would be a huge turn-off to me if my husband didn’t exercise - and became a couch potato.

Lying around is unhealthy in general & it sounds like the OP’s husband may possibly be dealing w/depression.


So she should wake up and act like she actually loves the person he is, not just his body, and she should try to get him help with the depression or whatever else is affecting him. But nope, she's only talking about what t urn-off he is -- and you're reinforcing that. I question whether she actually loves him beyond just the physical. I do not question whether she loves herself, though. She does. For sure.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2023 07:42     Subject: Re:How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:OP here

I apologize for my awful pp but I’m just so frustrated with my DH. I’ve also had to deal with my 80 yr old mother who’s lost her mobility/balance. I moved her into assisted living and that only frustrated me more. Why? Because her new friends in their 90s are in better shape than she is. Dancing, able to shower, dress themselves etc.. My mother was sedentary and smoked like a chimney her whole life. I tried so hard to get her to exercise thru the years. I enrolled her in silver sneakers, walked with her at the mall, bought her a treadmill. Nothing ever stuck. Overall her health is remarkable but she’s lost her ability to live independently, which has depressed and frustrated her. She gets angry at me for moving her into an AL, so I have to deal with that guilt.

I think having to deal with my mothers recent transition has made me hypersensitive to the effects of living an extremely sedentary lifestyle. My DH is a year younger than me and I thought we would age similarly. Unfortunately he is aging extremely poorly because of his own doing. His aches and pains are the results of not moving. He doesn’t have arthritis, no accidents and his health is good overall, so I can’t give him a pass. Like I said, I start getting aches and pains if I don’t move too.

The fact I have the 2 people I love the most in my life, who have lost and losing their quality of life is very frustrating because it’s 100% preventable. Am I wrong?


Not at all. I have no idea why some posters took your thread so poorly. I'd be frustrated too!

That said, I'm not sure there's much you can do...
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2023 07:40     Subject: Re:How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
OP here

I apologize for my awful pp but I’m just so frustrated with my DH. I’ve also had to deal with my 80 yr old mother who’s lost her mobility/balance. I moved her into assisted living and that only frustrated me more. Why? Because her new friends in their 90s are in better shape than she is. Dancing, able to shower, dress themselves etc.. My mother was sedentary and smoked like a chimney her whole life. I tried so hard to get her to exercise thru the years. I enrolled her in silver sneakers, walked with her at the mall, bought her a treadmill. Nothing ever stuck. Overall her health is remarkable but she’s lost her ability to live independently, which has depressed and frustrated her. She gets angry at me for moving her into an AL, so I have to deal with that guilt.

I think having to deal with my mothers recent transition has made me hypersensitive to the effects of living an extremely sedentary lifestyle. My DH is a year younger than me and I thought we would age similarly. Unfortunately he is aging extremely poorly because of his own doing. His aches and pains are the results of not moving. He doesn’t have arthritis, no accidents and his health is good overall, so I can’t give him a pass. Like I said, I start getting aches and pains if I don’t move too.

The fact I have the 2 people I love the most in my life, who have lost and losing their quality of life is very frustrating because it’s 100% preventable. Am I wrong?
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2023 06:49     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
I am the sloth in our relationship and I am a woman. I’m just a big old nerd who likes to sit on the couch and read books while my husband likes to do lots of really active things. That said, I love to walk a 5K or a 10K Saturday morning, particularly if that event is being held someplace new or if it involves something cool like walking through a tunnel or over a bridge or through five miles of Christmas lights. I love a long bike ride. I like active vacations in cities that involve lots of walking. While I prefer to spend my free time knitting, or doing a puzzle or something like that, I have still managed to find ways to stay active and engage actively with my family. I think the OP needs to work harder to find something active for the two of them that he might enjoy, and he needs to work a little harder too.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2023 06:39     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:Why do women take on men in middle age?!


So they can get their payday in the end.

Now OP...I think you need to find a personal trainer for... yourself for some private training. I know I'd have you doing mobility work, a ton of hip thrusters, rdls, clam shells banded of course. Then I'd throw in some kickbacks and finish you off on the roman chair.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2023 06:21     Subject: Re:How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
I can see the OP’s POV on this, no matter how mean some can perceive it to be.

It would be a huge turn-off to me if my husband didn’t exercise - and became a couch potato.

Lying around is unhealthy in general & it sounds like the OP’s husband may possibly be dealing w/depression.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2023 06:15     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Why do women take on men in middle age?!
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2023 23:27     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:We've been married 12 yrs and approaching 60. He LITERALLY walks like he's 90 and constantly moans and groans. He's extremely sedentary and 40 lbs overweight. I've tried to get him to at least walk our neighborhood, but he's uninterested. Meanwhile I'm at the gym daily, very active, have a BMI of 21 and can still do jump squats. We are both pretty much retired. When we met he was about 30 lbs overweight but much more active, worked out and walked at a normal pace.

I feel this is so unfair when one spouse gives up on their health and the other does everything possible to stay healthy. I don't understand how he can look at me and not be motivated. He sees how much I workout and how I eat, yet he literally thinks it's genetics! I've had friends tell me that we look weird together because at social gatherings he's sitting while I'm running around and dancing. He's getting worse and worse and I bet he'll be in a wheelchair by the time he's 65.


This is why women should partner with younger men, not with older ones. They age faster and die sooner.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2023 23:24     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
My ex and I did not grow well together. Married at 25 and wound up divorced. He was ready to get old at 30, while I felt life was just beginning. At 50, I still feel amazing. I’ve only seen him once since our divorce, and he looks like an old man.

OP, just decide what you want and need from the relationship. Find out what he needs and wants from you. Get therapy. Go from there.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2023 22:41     Subject: Re:How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:OP HERE

WOW I just got home from work and read all these comments! First of all, like I’ve said, my DH goes to the doctor regularly. He’s on all kinds of medications to control his blood pressure, cholesterol, thyroid etc. When I met him he was overweight, but a lot more active. He does have pain, but the pain is due to lack of activity. I’m a gym rat and if I have to miss a week of working out I start feeling achy! I can’t imagine never exercising. I’d be miserable too. At our age it’s detrimental to move. At nearly 60, I have zero pain, can climb 12 ft ladders, jump up on counters to change lightbulbs and swim laps with ease. We rarely hire handymen, because I can usually do it myself. Certainly not because we can’t afford it but because I like the challenge. My mom constantly yells at me for climbing ladders because she thinks it’s so dangerous. But coming from a woman who was sedentary her whole life and now can barely walk, she doesn’t get it. For the last 30 yrs she’s been telling me, “wait till you get my age!” Haha Seeing my mom and my DH only motivates me more.


Your ridiculous laundry lists of self-praise and “look at all these incredibly specific things I can do!!” makes you either shockingly immature for almost 60 or a troll.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2023 22:37     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:gosh most of these posters are so mean. I hear you OP. DH also looks like an old man to me----moves soooooo slowly, mostly lives on the couch. Still going to job most days--but boy do I not look forward to his retirement. He has no friends, no real hobbies except msnbc watching. He won't eat much of what I cook, but I still cook and try to eat dinner with him most nights. I suppose all the posters will call me horrible as well for even noticing these things




I don't think you or op is horrible, but the fact remains that men need their women to care for them. You and op may be horrible spouses for letting your men decompose before your eyes and only come into dcum to complain about it. Dh and I both encourage each other and continue to develop shared interests and activities to keep ourselves and each other fit and healthy. It seems you and op have given up on your part of the bargain. I would never throw my hands up and give up on my dh, he needs me.


Oh, vomit. Take this crap back to 1955 where it belongs.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2023 22:37     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
It probably hard to be married to OP since she is so perfect and youthful and all. He is probably depressed by living in her (skinny) shadow
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2023 22:36     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:Wow your attitude is awful. Disgusting really.


Agree
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2023 22:32     Subject: Re:How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: It would be different if I knew this when we got married but this has been a real disappointment and makes me depressed. OP


So, you have managed to take a perfectly functioning human being and reduce him to a shell of himself in only 12 years of being married to you. Congratulations, OP. That’s quite a feat.

Did you accomplish this in your previous marriages as well?

I’m not surprised you are depressed. You make the people you love miserable and don’t care to know how to stop. That would make me depressed too.


I'm guessing you're the spouse who's given up on life and full of resentment towards your spouse who hasn't.


Predictable response, but I’m not PP, I agree with them, and I run and bike regularly. Try again.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2023 22:31     Subject: How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?
Anonymous wrote:OP, someone is supposed to just look at you and "be motivated " wtf.


But aren’t you going to give OP the virtual azzpats she’s fishing for? I mean, for God’s sake, she eats vegetables and does jump squats!