Anonymous
Post 01/10/2023 07:44     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Anonymous wrote:OP might very well be the worst mother I’ve ever seen on DCUM. And that’s saying a lot.


Oh, you are sheltered, aren't you?
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2023 07:38     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
OP, if you’re looking for advice on how to make this work, I’d try to help get the nanny’s meals and groceries set up for her, along with the child’s meals. If you have a cleaner who can come mid week and help with some laundry, or if your mom can take overdid a few hours on a day or two to give the nanny a break, that would probably help. Is there any way for you to do a 3 night trip instead? My DH and I left our 16 month old with my parents for a week, and we found that we really wanted to be home and regretted being gone for so long by day 4. It also took DC some time when we got back to being fully themselves. I really regretted how long we were gone, but would do a 3 night trip.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 23:26     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your nanny will be looking to work elsewhere if you ask her to do this.


No she won’t, as long as OP phrases it as an optional request and has a meaningful conversation with the nanny about how to best support her in this. Oh, and of course excellent compensation!


Good nannies set boundaries with the kids. You're not a family member, you're someone whom going to go away in a few years at best and move on. Knowing your someone who's going away you can't be in the role of a parent. It's not healthy. That's why I'd be uncomfortable with this. You can't have caregiver boundaries when you're the only person there caring for a kid.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 23:10     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
OP might very well be the worst mother I’ve ever seen on DCUM. And that’s saying a lot.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 23:04     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Anonymous wrote:Your nanny will be looking to work elsewhere if you ask her to do this.


No she won’t, as long as OP phrases it as an optional request and has a meaningful conversation with the nanny about how to best support her in this. Oh, and of course excellent compensation!
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 23:02     Subject: Re:Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Absolutely!

Believe me, it’s actually easier to leave them when they are young like this. As they get older, they understand that you’re away and that is harder.

It would be great if your nanny had another person to help so there are shifts, but I would defer to the nanny on what works for her. Maybe try out a 2-3 night weekend with nanny watching your child first.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 22:05     Subject: Re:Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
No.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 21:59     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
No way would I ever leave my toddler for that long. You are a parent, your child’s needs should be your priority. No clingy toddler wants mommy gone that long. Even a night or two is a lot of ask of a child who still learning about object permanence. Wait until they are old enough to meaningfully face time, understand where you are, and also, have a second person spell your nanny so they can have a break.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 21:15     Subject: Re:Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thank you to those who had serious feedback. My mom is is willing to help again if necessary, but it's not her preference. I don't think it would be overly burdensome to the nanny. My kid sleeps 8pm -7:30am and takes a 2 hour nap. It's M-F so it would be the normal working hours, plus overtime. After we come home, she'd be getting the weekend plus Monday off. She is young and energetic, and routinely does weekend babysitting for another family beyond her FT work with us, so it's more an issue of personal comfort than the hours.

Our nanny said she'd like to do the overnight. I 100% trust her to be safe and follow our rules. It's just a fear that something out of her control could happen and I'd have to wait for a flight to become available. The destination is non-negotiable; either we go on this trip 4 hours away without DC, or we don't take a trip at all this winter. Our nanny would like to go on this trip with us, but DH does not want to fly with DC until she is older. He wants to go on this trip too, but he would also be satisfied with continuing to just vacation locally with DC in warmer weather.


OP, it is fine. Go on the trip. As long as your nanny has another local adult (her sister, your mom, trustworthy neighbor) she can call in a true emergency, it will be totally fine. It’s one toddler, who is already cared for by this nanny during most of these hours. Please go and enjoy yourself.


A lot of overtime. Let’s say 7AM-8PM awake hours, and an overnight hourly rate that changes over to the regular rate if baby wakes up during the night. Minimum 25 hours of OT PLUS four overnight hours.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 21:13     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Honestly? I think these replies are crazy. I’m in Manhattan where nanny culture is very prevalent, and I’m fairly sure that most of the people we know have left their children with their nanny for long weekends or even a week. Most have gone (gasp!) internationally too.

We have left our toddler with her beloved nanny on four separate occasions ranging from 3-5 days. They have all included much longer flying travel than what you’re proposing.

Your child is not neglected if you take time for yourself and enjoy your marriage. You pay your nanny time and a half and provide money for them to attend fun events, go to lunch and you give them carte Blanche to order food as needed. I really don’t see the problem.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 21:09     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Anonymous wrote:Your kid is going to grow up thinking their nanny is their mommy.


This. I couldn't do it. I couldn't relax on vacation leaving such a small child with a nanny. That is quite selfish of you to do that.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 21:07     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Your husband needs to get over not wanting DC to fly, and you bring the nanny and DC on the trip - otherwise, too many things can go wrong and you'll be too far away
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 20:57     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone freaking out about being alone with a toddler for 5 days? As a single mom, I’ve been alone with multiple toddlers for as long as they were toddlers, and every other age. Yes they had daycare (now school) because I work to support us, but work isn’t a ‘break’, and I’m alone with them otherwise.


I’m also a single mom with two young kids and just recently spent a week alone with them (entirely because daycare was closed). On one hand, I agree with you that it’s not actually that big a deal. On the other hand, I feel like if people are used to having a partner, it’s normal that they would find managing their household alone more challenging. On the other hand again, this nanny is used to managing this child alone so she’s probably be fine. On the fourth hand 😆 I would never want to do this myself so I can’t really put myself in OP’s shoes. I think bringing the baby and the nanny on the trip with them would be much more reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 20:48     Subject: Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Your nanny will be looking to work elsewhere if you ask her to do this.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 20:40     Subject: Re:Would you leave a toddler with a nanny overnight for 5 days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think some of the judgmental comments are coming from jealous moms who can't afford a nanny.


I was thinking the same thing. Or have never had a nanny and just can’t understand how it’s different from a random sitter you get for your bimonthly date night.


Yes. Especially the ones who are like that’s soooo much work no nanny would ever want to do it.


I've been a nanny and this would make me uncomfortable as he'll.

Everyone's different but part of what I needed when nannying was clear boundaries. This would have stomped all over them.