Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 02:23     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm a counselor. This process can be overwhelming, even for students with strong EF skills. I'm surprised parents leave it all to their 17 year old students to navigate. They need an adult to help guide them, whether that is a parent, counselor or other role model.


Obviously, parents of kids with known executive function problems need to adjust for that. Executive function disability is the hidden catastrophe of our time.

For kids who are reasonably well-organized: I think the best approach here is that parents who understand the FAFSA process should fill the financial aid forms on their own, proactively, and maybe set the state flagship and a non-selective state school as the default recipients, because dealing with FAFSA firms is really the parents’ job.

And I think it’s fair for parents who can afford to send their kids to small, non-selective private schools, “Would you like us to send a financial aid application to [non-selective private school] as a backup?”

Getting financial aid forms in early might be critical to helping kids recover and avoid having an involuntary gap year.

But students with OK executive function ought to take responsibility for sending in the actual admissions applications themselves, because that’s a great college readiness screening. College is all about reading, preparing for tests and meeting administrative deadlines on your own. If kids really can’t do that, parents should address the organization problems before pushing the kids into college.

If kids notice they’re off track Dec. 31 and shift to applying to schools with later deadlines, maybe that means they can get their act together. But, if they really want to go to college, know about schools with late deadlines and can’t meet the late deadlines, that’s a bad sign.



Do you actually work with post-COVID 17 year olds?


You’re replying to me here. I have a medium-stats son who managed both his pre-pandemic high school magnet program application process and his post-pandemic college search and application process. He’s doing well in a tough social sciences program at a big research university. He’s watching a lot of other kids flunk out because they aren’t great at reading and can’t turn things in.

Of course, if you’re a counselor who sees a lot of parents and a lot of kids, you clearly know a lot more about what typical families do. Your broad experience beats my anecdotes.

But what kind of data do you get about the students’ first-year college performance?

If the record shows that kids who get a lot of application help are fine at getting work done in college and do well there, then I agree with you. Why stress kids out? Just help them with the applications, or hire someone to help.

But, given how dysfunctional a lot of college administrators and faculty members have become post-pandemic, my guess would be that this is a terrible time for a kid with organizational problems to go to a research university.


Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 02:19     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guess her first semester will be spent at the local CC or working. Don’t bail her out. She needs to experience the consequences of procrastination.


NP and I have no kid this age but . . . . this is VERY easy for you to say. And one that is not a reasonable one.

Sure it is. A kid that can’t handle their own deadlines halfway through senior year isn’t ready for four year college. I know you’ll stomp your feet and say seniors must have help. But no, they shouldn’t.


I'm so glad you know what's best for all "seniors." Oh wait. You don't. Plenty of seniors and college students thrive with a little help. Even adults need helps sometimes. Some need it alot.

Your empathy and sense is lacking. By a lot.


Truth...too many parents today are coddling and helicoptering their kids. Doing too much for them and not allowing them to experience natural consequences.want everyone to get an award rather than earning it on their own. Life won't be that way, and they're not prepared.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 02:13     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I do not think you should rush in to rescue her. She needs to attend community college for a semester or year and get her act together for the next. This is not your issue to fix.

DP, but this is terrible advice.
Do the best you can over the next few days and then start investigating schools with deadlines that are further out.


No it is not. I agree with this poster.

OP's kid can not do those apps by themselves, LOL they are not ready for college.

Absolutely not ready. Nothing wrong with community college and by the way had she been at a job she would have been fired. Real world has consequences.

OP you are a fool if you send your kid to a four year school when they are not responsible enough to do their apps in a timely manner.

OP is upset over nothing, this is not her life it is her kids. Kid does not think it was important enough to do.


This is BS. My older DC needed a lot of help getting his applications in, and he just completed his first semester of college with a 3.8 gpa with zero assistance from his parents.

The college application process is complicated, with many moving parts, and most kids have had zero experience filling out forms and meeting deadlines. Many, like OPs kid, don’t realize how many other pieces are needed (transcripts, recommendations, test scores) and have no experience trying to get things like that from other people and don’t understand how much lead time is necessary. You don’t do it for them, but what are parents for, it not to give advice and guidance on something this important?

Sure, *some* kids can do it. But having a kid that can’t handle it all completely on their own is not a sign that said kid is not ready for college.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 01:44     Subject: Re:Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
My DC also put it off to winter break, and I sat down with her every day and asked for updates every 20 min. She’s submitted 12 applications so far and she has a few more to do. From this experience I know she has serious problem dealing with big projects - time management, self confidence - and I should’ve intervened earlier. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a stellar students with national accolades, but she’s still a kid after all. It was a rollercoaster but fortunately we pulled through. I now think I won’t send her too far for college.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 00:37     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:I wrote my brother's medical school apps the night before they were due--mainly because he was applying on a whim and wasn't sure he really wanted to (he had taken the pre recs as part of his major and then just took the MCAT to see how he'd do). I'm a nurse and I wrote eloquently about why he wanted to be a doctor. He also got in to several schools.


I'm all for feedback and support, but if you are writing his essays for him, that is cheating and not his application.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 00:17     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guess her first semester will be spent at the local CC or working. Don’t bail her out. She needs to experience the consequences of procrastination.


NP and I have no kid this age but . . . . this is VERY easy for you to say. And one that is not a reasonable one.

Sure it is. A kid that can’t handle their own deadlines halfway through senior year isn’t ready for four year college. I know you’ll stomp your feet and say seniors must have help. But no, they shouldn’t.


You’re just going to keep posting this over and over until you get the attention you so desperately crave, so here it is.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 00:15     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I do not think you should rush in to rescue her. She needs to attend community college for a semester or year and get her act together for the next. This is not your issue to fix.


WTH…ignore this advice and help her as much as you can. OP, you know your child, you should have checked in at key points.


Wrong wrong wrong.


No, YOU are “wrong wrong wrong.”
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 00:10     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that was on you. This is high stakes. Trust and verify.


Nope. DD is going to college and should be responsible enough to apply. This is on DD and nobody else.


Nope. You’re still wrong.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2023 00:04     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:The posters advocating for abandoning her to her fate are:

1. Trolls. Most likely.

2. Parents of younger children who can't imagine what admissions are like now, and can't imagine their kids doing that.

3. Ignoramuses don't want to know whether their kid has ADHD, or anxiety, or some legitimate hurdle they need help with to succeed in life.

4. Cruel sadists who don't actually love their kids.


I’m guessing almost all #1. Too many saying that and I can’t see real parents who feel that way frequenting this board. They are not.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 23:20     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that was on you. This is high stakes. Trust and verify.


Disagree. Was on the applicant.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 22:58     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
The posters advocating for abandoning her to her fate are:

1. Trolls. Most likely.

2. Parents of younger children who can't imagine what admissions are like now, and can't imagine their kids doing that.

3. Ignoramuses don't want to know whether their kid has ADHD, or anxiety, or some legitimate hurdle they need help with to succeed in life.

4. Cruel sadists who don't actually love their kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 22:54     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!

You and your child have got this, OP. I hope you're off DCUM, helping her buckle down! Suggest ideas, edit her essays, but don't write them for her. They need to be in her own voice. Admissions officers can tell when there's a discrepancy between a student's course selections and how well they write. Unless they've taken advanced writing courses, they're not expecting Nobel Prize in Literature.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 22:53     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guess her first semester will be spent at the local CC or working. Don’t bail her out. She needs to experience the consequences of procrastination.


NP and I have no kid this age but . . . . this is VERY easy for you to say. And one that is not a reasonable one.

Sure it is. A kid that can’t handle their own deadlines halfway through senior year isn’t ready for four year college. I know you’ll stomp your feet and say seniors must have help. But no, they shouldn’t.


I'm so glad you know what's best for all "seniors." Oh wait. You don't. Plenty of seniors and college students thrive with a little help. Even adults need helps sometimes. Some need it alot.

Your empathy and sense is lacking. By a lot.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 22:26     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
if this was my kid i would let her suffer the consequences. if you can't be bothered to apply on time, what make you think kid will bother to put in the effort required for college.

my kid did something similar. i told her to prepare to apply to transfer from jr. college to the university when there was plenty of time to do so. she gave me all the reasons why she wasn't going to do that. then on the day the application was due she calls trying to get me to help her get her app ready. well, this was the day before spring break. nobody at the places that she needed transcripts from were working that day. sorry ... can't help you. enjoy your extra semester at the junior college!
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 21:54     Subject: Why did I trust her? No apps done!!!!
Many colleges don't need supplemental essays, including some very selective ones. Once she gets the Common App Essay done, all she needs to do is send the same application to all the colleges she is applying to. This is why kids apply to so many schools and the ones with no essays get so many applications!!
Here is a list of a 40 colleges that need no supplementle essays. There are plenty of others that don't besides the ones on this list
https://www.forbes.com/sites/kristenmoon/2022/09/28/over-40-colleges-without-supplemental-essays-2022-23/?sh=43d3a8ee853e