These types of posts always baffle me. There is no inheritance until the person is dead. Your husband (let alone you) does not have a right to anything right now. FIL can spend all the money on magic beans tomorrow if he wanted. It’s so gross to me that a DIL would be coining money that’s not even hers.

I’m curious how DIL knows that FIL is open to talking about it. I wonder if her scheming is more obvious than she thinks and will push dear dad in-law away.

Question for an estate lawyer - isn't the new wife entitled to a certain percentage of the estate via a spousal election no matter what? My understanding is that, absent a prenup, if a spouse dies and the surviving spouse doesn't get at least a certain percentage (33% or something like that), the surviving spouse can challenge it. So you can't just leave the surviving spouse an income share of the estate in this case - she gets some of it.

OP - if FIL is high net worth then surely he has an estate plan and attorney so all you really need to do is make your request on behalf of your children and let it go.

To all the people saying the DH should be handling this - you have no idea what their situation is like! My in laws have made my DH their executor but have told me personally that this was so that *I* would be the one to handle the estate. Both of their children are not financially savvy, and they know that I handle all finances and investments for me and DH. If one of them passed away and the other had questions about remarrying and finances, I would hope they would come to me so we could have a frank discussion about all the options. I've known them my entire adult life and are very close and they know I would never try to take advantage of them.

The fact that OP's FIL has already spoken openly with them means it's fine to weigh in with their opinions and suggestions. It's not like they are taking him to court over his 20-something wife.

Anonymous wrote:By all means, talk about it. It's very healthy. He could perhaps do 50% to grandkids, 50% to wife.

What?!! 50% to his wife? They’ve been together ONE YEAR!

Set up a trust and have everything go to the grandchildren

DH should be managing this

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone is getting so up in arms with OP ?

She asked a reasonable question. She's not trying to make a grab for an inheritance, she's not trying to steal anyone's portion. She's trying to put together her thoughts and she's asking for perspectives from this anonymous community.

OP, you never know what the future might bring. Fortunes disappear. Sources of income dry up. A child develops mental health issues when they reach young adulthood, requiring a lot of resources. You never know what the future will bring.

It sounds as if your father is marrying someone who has her own funds and is financially comfortable. If I were in your shoes, I would suggest your FIL set up one of those trusts where new MIL will draw a set amount of funds for the remainder of her life, with the estate going to your DH, his sister and the grandchildren upon the death of new MIL.

It's nice that you don't need the money. You can always decide what to do with the inheritance when you receive it, or who knows, circumstances can change and you may find the funds helpful when the time comes. It can be used to help set up your kids in paid-for homes, for example.

This is very fair

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why nobody is talking about the elephants in the room.
- the FIL wants to remarry after just one year. He doesn’t look like a grieving husband. He must have started dating the new
girlfriend at his wife’s funeral.
- the girlfriend is 73 and never married. It’s strange that suddenly at 73 she wants to get married to a wealthy 79 yo. Smelling like some gold digging there

OP is doing the right thing by having these conversations. It’s your duty to fight for your children. Don’t let the girlfriend steal all of your FIL hard earned money. Anyone who doesn’t understand it is stupid.

Definitely my thoughts too!

It's not that uncommon for older men to remarry quickly. It's not like they have a lot of time left to delay. I know in my in-laws retirement community, people start setting men up for remarriage right away.

Why is he remarrying at this age? My FIL is a widow and has a long term gf. They wont be getting marrried bc of issues like this.

Anonymous wrote:I’m astounded that no one here has thought to balance this equation with a conversation about what happens to the assets of his wealthy childless 73 year old bride to be if she predeceases him.

Mostly, women know what they are doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone is getting so up in arms with OP ?

She asked a reasonable question. She's not trying to make a grab for an inheritance, she's not trying to steal anyone's portion. She's trying to put together her thoughts and she's asking for perspectives from this anonymous community.

OP, you never know what the future might bring. Fortunes disappear. Sources of income dry up. A child develops mental health issues when they reach young adulthood, requiring a lot of resources. You never know what the future will bring.

It sounds as if your father is marrying someone who has her own funds and is financially comfortable. If I were in your shoes, I would suggest your FIL set up one of those trusts where new MIL will draw a set amount of funds for the remainder of her life, with the estate going to your DH, his sister and the grandchildren upon the death of new MIL.

It's nice that you don't need the money. You can always decide what to do with the inheritance when you receive it, or who knows, circumstances can change and you may find the funds helpful when the time comes. It can be used to help set up your kids in paid-for homes, for example.

Did you read the post. It's Op's father in law. It's not her father.

Some of yall dont read and it shows.

Her husband should be the one making the post. Not her. WTF????

Her husband's inheritance is not even hers.

It's funny, on this forum, women are always advising other women not to comingle their inheritance with their husband and then you see Op who is planning how to tell her father inlaw what to do with his money, WTF????


It's not hers!

Or maybe they just have a healthy marriage and relationship with their families? Both my parents and my ILs are very forthcoming with their plans for their estates which is shared with their children and DILs/SILs. My DH and I make financial decisions together so of course we would be involved in discussing inheritance issues related to our respective families. Same is true with my BILs/SILs. My parents ask DH and I attend their yearly meeting with their financial adviser. Only my name is listed as their heir/beneficiary but he is very much in the loop about what the plans are and actually looks at the statements and paperwork that get sent to us. DCUM just can not handle families that are open and honest about managing financial matters.

To answer OP's original question her FIL needs to meet with a lawyer and decide on whether a prenup is appropriate and what kind of changes he needs to make to his will and associated assets. In most states a spouse will be entitled to a certain percentage of the estate no matter what the will says so he should consider whether this is appropriate. If not, he should consider moving assets into a trust to benefit his kids/grandkids so the assets are not part of his estate.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone is getting so up in arms with OP ?

She asked a reasonable question. She's not trying to make a grab for an inheritance, she's not trying to steal anyone's portion. She's trying to put together her thoughts and she's asking for perspectives from this anonymous community.

OP, you never know what the future might bring. Fortunes disappear. Sources of income dry up. A child develops mental health issues when they reach young adulthood, requiring a lot of resources. You never know what the future will bring.

It sounds as if your father is marrying someone who has her own funds and is financially comfortable. If I were in your shoes, I would suggest your FIL set up one of those trusts where new MIL will draw a set amount of funds for the remainder of her life, with the estate going to your DH, his sister and the grandchildren upon the death of new MIL.

It's nice that you don't need the money. You can always decide what to do with the inheritance when you receive it, or who knows, circumstances can change and you may find the funds helpful when the time comes. It can be used to help set up your kids in paid-for homes, for example.

Did you read the post. It's Op's father in law. It's not her father.

Some of yall dont read and it shows.

Her husband should be the one making the post. Not her. WTF????

Her husband's inheritance is not even hers.

It's funny, on this forum, women are always advising other women not to comingle their inheritance with their husband and then you see Op who is planning how to tell her father inlaw what to do with his money, WTF????


It's not hers!