My DD is 19 and has said this. To which I said: having you and your brother has been the most joyful, meaningful, challenging part of my life. But, that’s MY LIFE. Your job is to find what makes your life joyful and meaningful and what challenges you.

I’d love to be a grandparent. But only if it’s what she wants. The world doesn’t need more unwanted kids.

Anonymous wrote:I know of many highly intelligent women from my daughter's HS grad year 2019 (think top 3 percent of their HS class) and all of them are either gay or plan to be single the rest of their lives (there is a name for the don't want relationship people but I can't think of it). I'm friends with a few of the moms and they share this with me. I find it very strange - literally an entire friend group - all went to ivy league or top schools - that are gay and don't want kids. I don't think it's because of expenses btw....

Asexual/aromantic

I know of many highly intelligent women from my daughter's HS grad year 2019 (think top 3 percent of their HS class) and all of them are either gay or plan to be single the rest of their lives (there is a name for the don't want relationship people but I can't think of it). I'm friends with a few of the moms and they share this with me. I find it very strange - literally an entire friend group - all went to ivy league or top schools - that are gay and don't want kids. I don't think it's because of expenses btw....

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather she romanticize having kids at a young age, give birth to 3 or 4 babies and decide she wasn’t so into it after all?

Is that really the culture and segment of society here Pp? No.

Anonymous wrote:My sister was adamant she did not want kids until I had mine. She finally had one at 38. People change their minds.

And many people, especially in the younger generation, don't.

Anonymous wrote:I did not want kids. I have them. I'm miserable. My mom pressured me to get married and have kids when I did not want to. I was in my early 30s. I barely speak to her now.

Not your momma’s fault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said that at 20. I now happily have multiple kids.

Two of my siblings said that at 20. We are GenX and they are childfree.

so the moral of the story is... anything can happen, and what you think you want at 20 can be very different at 30 and 40. This is why it makes no sense to me why some think that women should get married in their 20s. Women also need to time to mature, and who and what they are at 20 something can be vastly different to who and what they are at 30something.

My DH never wanted kids. He has two.
His sister wanted 6 kids. She has zero.

I never thought about it until after I got married.

It's fine, OP. If she meets the right person, gets married, and is financially stable, who knows what she will think then.

No, the "moral of the story" is to stop making stupid, pithy comments to people who say they don't want kids. I'm just SURE if your 20-year-old tells you they do want to be a parent someday," you definitely start dismissing them as "being too young to know what they want," "you'll change your mind," "LOL." Sure.

-PP, married with kids with the two siblings without

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids until I was about 35-36. Before that I was adamant.

Nature’s way.

Mine has said this since she was 11 (almost 16 now). I believe her. It's really okay to not have kids OP. I used to feel a little guilty, like somehow it was my fault, but that was a me problem, and it's not about me. Even if neither if my kids have kids (my son wants lots), I dont see myself being disappointed, there are babies and kids everywhere. Find a young mom to help, go visit your friends when their grand kids are over.

The other day I was thinking how little I knew before I had kids. Maybe she is better informed than you were, and that's not a bad thing. Maybe she has different priorities, and maybe someday she'll change her mind, maybe she'll be wistful, who knows. Hope she has a full life. Kids might take that from her version of what keeps her full.

Anonymous wrote:what is this obsession with convincing women that motherhood is the best thing that we can experience?

motherhood is overrated and thankless job more often than not.

+100

And I have kids and always wanted them. I still think there's WAY too much emphasis on each woman having their own. No need, become a fun auntie to someone else's kids. Or not. Enjoy your money and free time!

My DD was adamant too. Then she got married and has two beautiful children.

Honestly, just say ok.

If she doesn't have kids, that's fine. Life moves on. Start planning for your future to look like something else, without grandkids.

Then, if she has them, great! It's just added something to your life. But you have to stop thinking that she's taking something away from you. You already don't have that thing, so plan life accordingly.

My sister was adamant she did not want kids until I had mine. She finally had one at 38. People change their minds.

I was adamant about that as well. Swore up and down. Now I’m a happy mother of four. She might not change her mind - some people know. She might change her mind - some people change. Don’t bother mourning this (if that’s your point here) until she is 50 and childless. And at that point, just be happy that she’s content with her life decisions.

Would you rather she romanticize having kids at a young age, give birth to 3 or 4 babies and decide she wasn’t so into it after all?