Anonymous
12/12/2022 11:05
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.
wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.
I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.
Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.
if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.
Oh, I can know. I won't, but I could use the phrases "I feel orphaned" or "I feel like a orphan" or something similar if I wanted attention and was being dramatic. More likely I'd say "I feel unmoored" or "I miss them" or something similar. But I'd never say "I'm an orphan" because words have meaning and I'm not an idiot.
In a conversation you would actually say I feel unmoored? That's so ridiculous and laughable. Now THAT is attention seeking.
I guess it's laughable if you don't know what words mean.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 10:58
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.
wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.
I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.
Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.
if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.
Oh, I can know. I won't, but I could use the phrases "I feel orphaned" or "I feel like a orphan" or something similar if I wanted attention and was being dramatic. More likely I'd say "I feel unmoored" or "I miss them" or something similar. But I'd never say "I'm an orphan" because words have meaning and I'm not an idiot.
In a conversation you would actually say I feel unmoored? That's so ridiculous and laughable. Now THAT is attention seeking.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 10:56
Subject: Re:The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:It's like moving across the country and calling yourself a refugee. Hard? Traumatic even? Sure. But not the same. It's co-opting a term for something devastating and using it for something difficult.
This is absolutely not the same thing. Where do you pissy mean idiots come from?
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:42
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.
wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.
I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.
Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.
if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.
Oh, I can know. I won't, but I could use the phrases "I feel orphaned" or "I feel like a orphan" or something similar if I wanted attention and was being dramatic. More likely I'd say "I feel unmoored" or "I miss them" or something similar. But I'd never say "I'm an orphan" because words have meaning and I'm not an idiot.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:36
Subject: Re:The term orphan
It's like moving across the country and calling yourself a refugee. Hard? Traumatic even? Sure. But not the same. It's co-opting a term for something devastating and using it for something difficult.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:30
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Interesting factoid: A couple hundred years ago, an orphan was someone who'd lost their father. Maybe still the same in some cultures where children are viewed as "property" of their father.
I dont thinks b/c they were viewed as "property' more that they were their fathers responsibility and even in the present day, financially and materially. life gets harder if you lose a father than if you lose a mother. I know a lot of people who continue to live in the same home, go to etc same school etc who lose their moms but many more people end up having to move and rearrange there lives if their dads die.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:15
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.
wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.
I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.
Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.
if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 09:00
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.
Good for you and your siblings.
My grandfather would have said the same thing had he been around to hear my mother talking like that after he died. Words have meanings.
I’m sure your mother finds comfort in your caring nature.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 08:58
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:I haven't heard an adult who lost parents in their 50s and 60s refer to themselves as orphans. Seems attention seeking.
You are a major jerk.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 07:29
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.
Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.
Yeah, we don't really have another word for an adult who's lost their parents, even a young adult. Even if you are a grownup when your parents pass, you can feel adrift, unmoored, unanchored; indeed, it might make you feel more like a child, emotionally, and there are limited ways to express that.
Try hard to find another, more appropriate word, FFS.
So, suggest one, FFS.
Nostalgic
Nostalgic already has a meaning that has nothing to do with parents or death at all.
I've enjoyed the conversation, and it makes more sense to me now that my friends would call themselves orphans. It was in private conversations - they didn't announce it to the world on social media, it isn't something I've heard again from them. They weren't expecting anything. And I don't begrudge the term, I was surprised at the use. I hadn't heard it used in that context before. So the idea that it was my friends feeling as if they'd lost their mooring makes sense to me. Especially one of them who is the oldest "child" (at age 55) in the family.
Anonymous
12/11/2022 19:48
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:You have both of your parents, they don't. If they feel orphaned, why would you begrudge them the term?
+1
Anonymous
12/08/2022 04:40
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.
Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.
Yeah, we don't really have another word for an adult who's lost their parents, even a young adult. Even if you are a grownup when your parents pass, you can feel adrift, unmoored, unanchored; indeed, it might make you feel more like a child, emotionally, and there are limited ways to express that.
Try hard to find another, more appropriate word, FFS.
So, suggest one, FFS.
Nostalgic
Too general.
Anonymous
12/08/2022 01:21
Subject: Re:The term orphan
I heard Wynonna Judd refer to herself as this after her Mother passed.
I felt sad for her and did not judge her for using the term as a term of reference.
I think that most people would agree that a child who loses both parents is definitely much different than an adult who does.
However when you are technically an adult and have both your parents alive (or at least one ) you are still the child of someone.
Then once both your parents are gone you are then actually no one’s child any longer….
I felt sad for her and did not judge her for using the term as a term of reference.
I think that most people would agree that a child who loses both parents is definitely much different than an adult who does.
However when you are technically an adult and have both your parents alive (or at least one ) you are still the child of someone.
Then once both your parents are gone you are then actually no one’s child any longer….
Anonymous
12/07/2022 20:48
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This would bother me as my dad is an actual orphan. He grew up in an orphanage in Chicago and on his 18th birthday they said have a nice life and he was throw into an outside world he knew zero about.
What did he do? How did he survive?
He met some other teens playing basketball at the park who took him home with them. Their mom gave him a couch for a couple weeks and introduced him to a Sargeant on the Chicago police department. The Sargeant got my dad into a training program for CPD and he eventually got hired on the police dept which gave him a "brotherhood"/family. Now, that old Sargeant is my 88yo grandpa (my moms dad) so it all worked out on the end.
Anonymous
12/07/2022 20:32
Subject: The term orphan
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.
Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.
Yeah, we don't really have another word for an adult who's lost their parents, even a young adult. Even if you are a grownup when your parents pass, you can feel adrift, unmoored, unanchored; indeed, it might make you feel more like a child, emotionally, and there are limited ways to express that.
Try hard to find another, more appropriate word, FFS.
So, suggest one, FFS.
Nostalgic