Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

You need to be honest from the start that the child is adopted. You do not need to say who their birth mom is but they need to know they are adopted.

Of course you will need to say who their birth mother is. Because the kid will ask and then your choice is to lie or tell child the truth. And of course you should not lie. This will become known. Chances are good the child’s half-brother will tell him, even if no one else does. Or is OP’s sister going to hide the pregnancy from her soon to be 18 year old child also?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid
Encourage her to keep the baby
If she insists in not keeping it, then let the baby be adopted by a third party
She is just struggling with pregnancy and hormones
Either way, too complicated for the family dynamic. She will always be in the picture and will want the baby back and disagree with your parenting
Just say no

Best advice on thread.

Worst advice ever. Not all adoptive parents treat the kids well. Child is better off with family. OP wants to adopt. How is this even an issue?

Adoptions within families should be illegal. Nothing but trouble. Imagine how you would feel if you found out at age 12, or 22, that aunt Sadie was really your mother but didn't want you, for any reason, and pawned you off to your infertile relative. It would not matter how much your adopted mother wanted you.

One of my kids who was adopted feels this way and it was not a familial adoption. Unfortunately, many people who were adopted experience feelings o of rejection and Abandonment, regardless of who adopts them. It’s something to be aware of as an adoptive parent. It’s not necessarily related to how much your parents love you or how well you are treated. I think it may be worse if you discover your birth parent chose to raise other children, like in this case. This is not to counsel anyone against adoption, just something to be aware of. My other son doesn’t seem to feel that way, but the first is generally a more sensitive kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid
Encourage her to keep the baby
If she insists in not keeping it, then let the baby be adopted by a third party
She is just struggling with pregnancy and hormones
Either way, too complicated for the family dynamic. She will always be in the picture and will want the baby back and disagree with your parenting
Just say no

Best advice on thread.

Worst advice ever. Not all adoptive parents treat the kids well. Child is better off with family. OP wants to adopt. How is this even an issue?

Adoptions within families should be illegal. Nothing but trouble. Imagine how you would feel if you found out at age 12, or 22, that aunt Sadie was really your mother but didn't want you, for any reason, and pawned you off to your infertile relative. It would not matter how much your adopted mother wanted you.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

You need to be honest from the start that the child is adopted. You do not need to say who their birth mom is but they need to know they are adopted.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

OP, just want to wish you and your family good luck on your journey! It sounds like you’re doing your absolute best to prepare and I think you’ll be a wonderful mom! <3

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

Wait…weed? You made it sound like she was a heroin addict or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PPs but I do not think you should lie to your mom. It will come out later then it will be much worse. The child deserves to know they are adopted. You need to make it normal from day one. If you lie to the child then they find out later they will be devastated. This is more important than anything else imo. - adoptive parent..

OP cant even speak to her mother. Their relationship is terrible. I'm with OP - keep it a secret until you believe it's time to tell your adopted child. Maybe that's age 8, 10, 18, whatever is best and a mother (you) knows what's best for her child.

Adoptive parents are advised to tell their kids from the very beginning so it’s something the kid grows up knowing about themselves.

Good luck, OP. Sounds like you have a good plan.

Op here. I plan on adopting the child and raising them as my own. I do eventually plan on telling them that I am not their birth mother. I've explained to my sister that if she were to change her mind I would understand. She says that her plan is to come here and stay long enough so that I never need her for anything paperwork wise. Her child is going to college next year and she wants to travel with them. We had a heart to heart about drugs and the she swears that she hasn't touched weed in 6 years. She has just started getting prenatal care and says she looks forward to seeing me as a mother after several losses.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would not get your hopes up. She may very well adjust to the fact she is pregnant and the idea of becoming a mom. She could decide to keep the baby by the third trimester. This all sounds too fresh and like she is in shock.

I doubt that. Sisters only child is about 18, she just suffered the loss of her partner.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PPs but I do not think you should lie to your mom. It will come out later then it will be much worse. The child deserves to know they are adopted. You need to make it normal from day one. If you lie to the child then they find out later they will be devastated. This is more important than anything else imo. - adoptive parent..

OP cant even speak to her mother. Their relationship is terrible. I'm with OP - keep it a secret until you believe it's time to tell your adopted child. Maybe that's age 8, 10, 18, whatever is best and a mother (you) knows what's best for her child.

Honestly I would not get your hopes up. She may very well adjust to the fact she is pregnant and the idea of becoming a mom. She could decide to keep the baby by the third trimester. This all sounds too fresh and like she is in shock.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid
Encourage her to keep the baby
If she insists in not keeping it, then let the baby be adopted by a third party
She is just struggling with pregnancy and hormones
Either way, too complicated for the family dynamic. She will always be in the picture and will want the baby back and disagree with your parenting
Just say no

Best advice on thread.

Worst advice ever. Not all adoptive parents treat the kids well. Child is better off with family. OP wants to adopt. How is this even an issue?

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid
Encourage her to keep the baby
If she insists in not keeping it, then let the baby be adopted by a third party
She is just struggling with pregnancy and hormones
Either way, too complicated for the family dynamic. She will always be in the picture and will want the baby back and disagree with your parenting
Just say no

Best advice on thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before you say yes you need to find out if the baby has been exposed to drugs/alcohol.

This is her niece or nephew. It doesn't matter. OP should no question take the baby.

Not everybody is equipped to be a single mom to a SN baby.

Truth! I'm a single mom and he has special needs (ADHD and a mental illness) and it is exhausting.

This child hasn't been born yet so its impossible to guess SN. I adopted a child with SN. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. It could have happened regardless of adoption vs. giving birth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before you say yes you need to find out if the baby has been exposed to drugs/alcohol.

This is her niece or nephew. It doesn't matter. OP should no question take the baby.

Not everybody is equipped to be a single mom to a SN baby.

Truth! I'm a single mom and he has special needs (ADHD and a mental illness) and it is exhausting.