Anonymous
11/10/2022 17:51
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Does anyone else get the feeling OP’s “fiancé” is still married to someone else? I can’t come up with any other reason they would be engaged this long.
Anonymous
11/10/2022 17:48
Subject: Re:Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Anonymous wrote:Why is everybody thinking the guy is a jerk? He seems sane… sounds like OP wants to sit on her butt, barely work, have this man take care of her, their kid, her kids, and be put on the house? Looks like OP has nothing in her name, no retirement and refused to work at the age of 50! Sounds like he put a ring on it and then realized her true colors…
They aren’t married. She has stayed home taking care of their joint child and has zero financial protection in return, since she would get nothing in a divorce or will. That’s a huge problem and yes, he is a jerk for putting her in this position.
Anonymous
11/10/2022 17:46
Subject: Re:Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Why is everybody thinking the guy is a jerk? He seems sane… sounds like OP wants to sit on her butt, barely work, have this man take care of her, their kid, her kids, and be put on the house? Looks like OP has nothing in her name, no retirement and refused to work at the age of 50! Sounds like he put a ring on it and then realized her true colors…
Anonymous
11/10/2022 17:37
Subject: Re:Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Anonymous wrote:NP and not able to read all pages but:
OP, it's no one's business to judge why you're engaged and not married. Sorry you're getting blowback here about that. But it's typical for this site.
If you and your fiance get along fine other than this one issue, you need to find a time when all kids are out of the house or otherwise occupied, a calm time, and talk about this like two adults able to look at the future. One part of the potential future is his, or your, sudden death.
My brother died unexpectedly and had not yet put his wife's name on their deed though he'd talked about doing so for several years (he owned their home outright, mortgage was all paid up).
When he died, some former business partners claimed he owed them money and their attorney said point-blank that because the house was part of his estate, they likely could take it--or rather, force its sale. My poor sister-in-law had to deal with intense grief over a totally unexpected death and at the same time deal with the idea that she could lose the roof over her head too. It was extremely traumatizing for her, and that's without any kids in the mix.
Your fiance and you, together, need to get some solid legal advice and you must bring up, very clearly, the issue of what would happen if your fiance were to die suddenly. Covenant or trust or you on the deed or whatever; find out if you'd be on the hook for money you don't have; just get good advice and tell your fiance that you and ALL the kids -- his, yours, your kid together -- need protection from sudden problems if he were to die. If he tries to say, oh, that won't happen, well -- yes, it can and it does sometimes. As adults with so many kids around you must face up to that and get a legal instrument in place now. (My SIL was OK in the end and the financial dispute got resolved so she kept the house, thank God. But she had a very aggressive lawyer who cared about her a lot, which helped.)
Np. This seems to be the most sensible advice for you OP.
Anonymous
11/10/2022 16:47
Subject: Re:Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Here’s a suggestion: have him put the house that you and your child w him live in into a trust and amend the directive to say you have a right to reside there until your child leaves college or whatever age if your fiancé dies.
OP here. Thank you for this advice. I am going to see what he thinks.
Op, since you’re evidently reading the responses care to share why you haven’t responded to any of the dozens of other posts/follow up questions?
Anonymous
11/10/2022 16:24
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Anonymous wrote:Big red flag. He is not wanting to provide for your future financial security and is not truly envisioning a life with you for the long haul. I am so sorry.
+1. His actions show that he thinks you two will break up, or he plans to break up with you.
Anonymous
11/10/2022 15:43
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Big red flag. He is not wanting to provide for your future financial security and is not truly envisioning a life with you for the long haul. I am so sorry.
Anonymous
11/10/2022 15:42
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Anonymous wrote:I'd put my foot down personally. Does not bode well for optimism about the marriage. I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to do this. But maybe I have different ideas about what marriage is than others.
+1
All the red flags not the least of which he doesn’t seem to give AF about your financial security, OP. Run.
Anonymous
11/10/2022 15:39
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
To the OP - your post is a cry for help. Even YOU recognize that something is wrong in your relationship. Either get married or walk away.
I agree with others that in no way should he put you on the title of this house. You.aren't.married
I agree with others that in no way should he put you on the title of this house. You.aren't.married
Anonymous
11/10/2022 15:36
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.
This... is what should happen.
When you're married, things may change.
But relying on your fiance/boyfriend to be your safety net, when he has kids of his own... is pretty selfish of you.
Yes, Op, talk to him if there is something he is able to do for you otherwise get a job.
What do you mean "otherwise"? She should get a job regardless. Economically, she's probably better off working full time and living in his house which he pays for, while she's saving her salary
Anonymous
11/10/2022 15:19
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
The guys has nothing to gain financially in this situation and actually puts the inheritance of his previous children at risk. Op needs to accept they are a lower priority than his children. Honestly, this makes perfect sense to me.
Anonymous
11/10/2022 15:01
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
your kid with him will automatically inherit share of the estate unless your fiancée leaves the kid out of the will, although you could contest that I think
you have another alternative, leave him and get him to pay child support, he’s not going to have money left for that second mortgage
if everything else is good between you, just let things fall where they may, I leant that the hard way, suffering unnecessary turmoil from such thoughts, be positive and enjoy the good life with him …. I guarantee you, good faith will pay off
if things between you are not going well, just get out of it as soon as you can, have family or friends help you to start off and go from there
you have another alternative, leave him and get him to pay child support, he’s not going to have money left for that second mortgage
if everything else is good between you, just let things fall where they may, I leant that the hard way, suffering unnecessary turmoil from such thoughts, be positive and enjoy the good life with him …. I guarantee you, good faith will pay off
if things between you are not going well, just get out of it as soon as you can, have family or friends help you to start off and go from there
Anonymous
11/10/2022 14:02
Subject: Re:Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
NP and not able to read all pages but:
OP, it's no one's business to judge why you're engaged and not married. Sorry you're getting blowback here about that. But it's typical for this site.
If you and your fiance get along fine other than this one issue, you need to find a time when all kids are out of the house or otherwise occupied, a calm time, and talk about this like two adults able to look at the future. One part of the potential future is his, or your, sudden death.
My brother died unexpectedly and had not yet put his wife's name on their deed though he'd talked about doing so for several years (he owned their home outright, mortgage was all paid up).
When he died, some former business partners claimed he owed them money and their attorney said point-blank that because the house was part of his estate, they likely could take it--or rather, force its sale. My poor sister-in-law had to deal with intense grief over a totally unexpected death and at the same time deal with the idea that she could lose the roof over her head too. It was extremely traumatizing for her, and that's without any kids in the mix.
Your fiance and you, together, need to get some solid legal advice and you must bring up, very clearly, the issue of what would happen if your fiance were to die suddenly. Covenant or trust or you on the deed or whatever; find out if you'd be on the hook for money you don't have; just get good advice and tell your fiance that you and ALL the kids -- his, yours, your kid together -- need protection from sudden problems if he were to die. If he tries to say, oh, that won't happen, well -- yes, it can and it does sometimes. As adults with so many kids around you must face up to that and get a legal instrument in place now. (My SIL was OK in the end and the financial dispute got resolved so she kept the house, thank God. But she had a very aggressive lawyer who cared about her a lot, which helped.)
OP, it's no one's business to judge why you're engaged and not married. Sorry you're getting blowback here about that. But it's typical for this site.
If you and your fiance get along fine other than this one issue, you need to find a time when all kids are out of the house or otherwise occupied, a calm time, and talk about this like two adults able to look at the future. One part of the potential future is his, or your, sudden death.
My brother died unexpectedly and had not yet put his wife's name on their deed though he'd talked about doing so for several years (he owned their home outright, mortgage was all paid up).
When he died, some former business partners claimed he owed them money and their attorney said point-blank that because the house was part of his estate, they likely could take it--or rather, force its sale. My poor sister-in-law had to deal with intense grief over a totally unexpected death and at the same time deal with the idea that she could lose the roof over her head too. It was extremely traumatizing for her, and that's without any kids in the mix.
Your fiance and you, together, need to get some solid legal advice and you must bring up, very clearly, the issue of what would happen if your fiance were to die suddenly. Covenant or trust or you on the deed or whatever; find out if you'd be on the hook for money you don't have; just get good advice and tell your fiance that you and ALL the kids -- his, yours, your kid together -- need protection from sudden problems if he were to die. If he tries to say, oh, that won't happen, well -- yes, it can and it does sometimes. As adults with so many kids around you must face up to that and get a legal instrument in place now. (My SIL was OK in the end and the financial dispute got resolved so she kept the house, thank God. But she had a very aggressive lawyer who cared about her a lot, which helped.)
Anonymous
11/10/2022 13:13
Subject: Re:Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Here’s a suggestion: have him put the house that you and your child w him live in into a trust and amend the directive to say you have a right to reside there until your child leaves college or whatever age if your fiancé dies.
OP here. Thank you for this advice. I am going to see what he thinks.
NP. I'm glad you picked up on this post, it's good advice and I was going to say something similar. It's not unreasonable for him to want his kids to inherit the house he paid for - he's afraid that after he dies, you could cut his older children out of the will entirely. I've seen that play out in extended family and it's ugly. The trust is a good middle ground - he can protect his childrens' interests, but still allow you a place to live after he's gone.
Anonymous
11/10/2022 13:09
Subject: Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.
This... is what should happen.
When you're married, things may change.
But relying on your fiance/boyfriend to be your safety net, when he has kids of his own... is pretty selfish of you.
Yes, Op, talk to him if there is something he is able to do for you otherwise get a job.