Anonymous wrote:Brains start hitting full maturity around age 25. I'll go along with whatever it takes to let that maturation process happen safely. F* all the cool mommies & daddies trying to maintain their social capital while putting other people's children at risk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

OP here. This was what we expected (even though the parents said they worry supervising). We didn’t expect them to supply alcohol (and it was a lot of alcohol too).

How can you allow your kids to attend these parties? You have a responsibility to your children to keep them safe. You are condoning their underage drinking by turning a blind eye. You think it is better that the kids supply their own alcohol rather than the parents? Don't you think this is equally as bad? You people disgust me.

So we expected the parents to supervise until they went to bed and that supervision meant no drinking. We expected teens to try and sneak alcohol, especially when parents went to bed (even tho they told us they would supervise all night). We did not expect the parents to supply a large quantity of alcohol.

We also talked to our child about our expectations and about all of the risks of drinking.

Why did you expect that teens would try to sneak alcohol and drink? And when you spoke with your child about your expectations, were those expectations that they would drink?

If so, I'm surprised that you convey that expectation to your child. I expect that my teens do not drink and make that expectation clear to them. A majority of teens do not drink. Studies show that we have far more influence than many parents believe.

"Parental expectations of adolescent alcohol use significantly moderated all structural relationships, and greater parental disapproval was associated with less involvement with friends and peers who use alcohol, less peer influence to use alcohol, greater self-efficacy for avoiding alcohol use, and lower subsequent alcohol use and related problems."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15963903/

Establish your expectations and model responsible alcohol consumption, and your teens will follow suit. Expect that they will drink, and they will.

Look, I’m not the one who served alcohol. I thought my kid was going to a party that would be supervised. I didn’t know the parents so we called and asked. I was concerned that there might be drinking because I know that teens drink.

I’m really surprised that you are attacking my parenting.

Yes, and you wrote above that you expected that the kids would try to drink. Why did you expect that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a high school senior, my parents allowed alcohol for a coed sleepover party I hosted.

The logic was that it would be better to allow it openly and supervise than for kids to be sneaking it in, and we thought it would be safe because no one would leave the house until the morning.

As it turned out, after my folks were asleep, part of the group drove to a nearby store get more alcohol because they didn't like what was being served. I of course didn't have the courage to stop them. They made it back safely and no one got hurt but it was a bad idea in retrospect. I would never even entertain it for my kids.

That said, I do think the 21 year old drinking age is the worst public policy. It gives booze a "forbidden fruit" vibe and high school and college kids end up participating or being around secretive, excess drinking that is partly driven by its illegality. If the legal age it was lowered to 18 the focus could be on drinking responsibly.

Except data shows raising the drinking age saved lives. The car crash data alone are compelling. Inconvenient, but true.

https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/minimum-legal-drinking-age.htm

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

OP here. This was what we expected (even though the parents said they worry supervising). We didn’t expect them to supply alcohol (and it was a lot of alcohol too).

How can you allow your kids to attend these parties? You have a responsibility to your children to keep them safe. You are condoning their underage drinking by turning a blind eye. You think it is better that the kids supply their own alcohol rather than the parents? Don't you think this is equally as bad? You people disgust me.

So we expected the parents to supervise until they went to bed and that supervision meant no drinking. We expected teens to try and sneak alcohol, especially when parents went to bed (even tho they told us they would supervise all night). We did not expect the parents to supply a large quantity of alcohol.

We also talked to our child about our expectations and about all of the risks of drinking.

Why did you expect that teens would try to sneak alcohol and drink? And when you spoke with your child about your expectations, were those expectations that they would drink?

If so, I'm surprised that you convey that expectation to your child. I expect that my teens do not drink and make that expectation clear to them. A majority of teens do not drink. Studies show that we have far more influence than many parents believe.

"Parental expectations of adolescent alcohol use significantly moderated all structural relationships, and greater parental disapproval was associated with less involvement with friends and peers who use alcohol, less peer influence to use alcohol, greater self-efficacy for avoiding alcohol use, and lower subsequent alcohol use and related problems."

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15963903/

Establish your expectations and model responsible alcohol consumption, and your teens will follow suit. Expect that they will drink, and they will.

Look, I’m not the one who served alcohol. I thought my kid was going to a party that would be supervised. I didn’t know the parents so we called and asked. I was concerned that there might be drinking because I know that teens drink.

I’m really surprised that you are attacking my parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

Your kid sucks.

After the first violation, he shouldn't be having any more social events for a long time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't/wouldn't serve alcohol to teens. Ever.

I know many do it, and I disagree with the practice, even though I drink on a regular basis as an adult (responsibly).

Why do parents do this?

According to my BIL, they are going to do it anyways, so he wants to provide a safe place for them to drink, and to build tolerance before college.

That is just dumb. The longer a teen waits to start drinking, the better for their brain. Plus the parents can get sued and lose their home if anything happens.

And the younger the brain is exposed to alcohol, the higher the likelihood that the brain is conditioned to addiction, among other outcomes.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3664402/ ("Early-exposed adolescents were approximately 2 to 3 times more likely than non-early-exposed adolescents to be substance dependent, to have herpes infection, to have had an early pregnancy, and to have failed to obtain educational qualifications; early-exposed adolescents also had significantly more criminal convictions than non-early-exposed adolescents.")

Anonymous wrote:I didn't "host" a party but my son and some kids (10) came over to our home after a football game. The next day I found empty beer and truly cans. Of course, I was upset but he said they brought them.

After Halloween, a different group of friends came over to hang out. I stayed up until midnight but felt asleep. I supplied snacks, soda and water but again, the next day I found cans of beer and trulys in the trash. A few kids spent the night.

These are all seniors and according to my kid, everyone does it. If not my house, someone else's home!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't/wouldn't serve alcohol to teens. Ever.

I know many do it, and I disagree with the practice, even though I drink on a regular basis as an adult (responsibly).

Why do parents do this?

According to my BIL, they are going to do it anyways, so he wants to provide a safe place for them to drink, and to build tolerance before college.

This is the line of thinking you will hear. These people tell themselves if teens don't drink in high school they will get to college and go completely off the rails because they "don't know how to drink". It is the stupidest logic ever. Someone just said this to me last week. I said I didn't drink in high school and drank in college and was completely fine.

Is very dumb and illegal in VA at least to supply them the alcohol. You can give it to your own kids legally but not other people's kids. God forbid anything truly terrible happen too.

I do t think the logic is off..every person who ended up with alcohol poisoning, or blacked out drunk in the toilet or graduated up to hard drugs I knew in college had very strict parents who never allowed any drinking or staying out late. But I still wouldn't take the risk of giving it to other people's teens

That's nice, but actual studies done with large numbers of participants tell us otherwise. In other words, the theory doesn't hold up under scrutiny. It's just made-up.

I doubt that. Alcohol effects, limits, etc are a novel experience and like any other novel experience, there's a learning curve. I would not like for my child to figure out that curve at a frat party at 17 with no adults within reach but you do you.

Why is your child going to be in college at 17?

I figured out how to drink appropriately without my mommy there in college. It was fine.

It isn't that uncommon., probably less so now, but the kids with august, sept, oct birthdays are sometimes 17 when starting college.

I was 17 until the end of Nov. when I started fancy, expensive, far away college, but my parents knew I had the ability to make good decisions. If they had any doubt, expensive college would have been off the table and I would have been starting at the local commuter college until they knew I had learned to "adult."

Parents these days don't want to take away the "college experience" from their kids, but it's an expensive investment. They don't want to risk their kid flaming out due to heavy drinking, partying, drug use so they convince themselves that allowing the kids to experience all of this in the high school age will inoculate them from making these mistakes in college.

I think their logic is suspect, but hey, it's their kids, so who cares?

Anonymous wrote:When I was a high school senior, my parents allowed alcohol for a coed sleepover party I hosted.

The logic was that it would be better to allow it openly and supervise than for kids to be sneaking it in, and we thought it would be safe because no one would leave the house until the morning.

As it turned out, after my folks were asleep, part of the group drove to a nearby store get more alcohol because they didn't like what was being served. I of course didn't have the courage to stop them. They made it back safely and no one got hurt but it was a bad idea in retrospect. I would never even entertain it for my kids.

That said, I do think the 21 year old drinking age is the worst public policy. It gives booze a "forbidden fruit" vibe and high school and college kids end up participating or being around secretive, excess drinking that is partly driven by its illegality. If the legal age it was lowered to 18 the focus could be on drinking responsibly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't/wouldn't serve alcohol to teens. Ever.

I know many do it, and I disagree with the practice, even though I drink on a regular basis as an adult (responsibly).

Why do parents do this?

According to my BIL, they are going to do it anyways, so he wants to provide a safe place for them to drink, and to build tolerance before college.

This is the line of thinking you will hear. These people tell themselves if teens don't drink in high school they will get to college and go completely off the rails because they "don't know how to drink". It is the stupidest logic ever. Someone just said this to me last week. I said I didn't drink in high school and drank in college and was completely fine.

Is very dumb and illegal in VA at least to supply them the alcohol. You can give it to your own kids legally but not other people's kids. God forbid anything truly terrible happen too.

I do t think the logic is off..every person who ended up with alcohol poisoning, or blacked out drunk in the toilet or graduated up to hard drugs I knew in college had very strict parents who never allowed any drinking or staying out late. But I still wouldn't take the risk of giving it to other people's teens

That's nice, but actual studies done with large numbers of participants tell us otherwise. In other words, the theory doesn't hold up under scrutiny. It's just made-up.

I doubt that. Alcohol effects, limits, etc are a novel experience and like any other novel experience, there's a learning curve. I would not like for my child to figure out that curve at a frat party at 17 with no adults within reach but you do you.

Why is your child going to be in college at 17?

I figured out how to drink appropriately without my mommy there in college. It was fine.

It isn't that uncommon., probably less so now, but the kids with august, sept, oct birthdays are sometimes 17 when starting college.

I was 17 until the end of Nov. when I started fancy, expensive, far away college, but my parents knew I had the ability to make good decisions. If they had any doubt, expensive college would have been off the table and I would have been starting at the local commuter college until they knew I had learned to "adult."

Parents these days don't want to take away the "college experience" from their kids, but it's an expensive investment. They don't want to risk their kid flaming out due to heavy drinking, partying, drug use so they convince themselves that allowing the kids to experience all of this in the high school age will inoculate them from making these mistakes in college.

I think their logic is suspect, but hey, it's their kids, so who cares?

People care because it spills over to their kids. They go hang out at John's house, where his parents look the other way when beer goes missing, or a trash bin full of empties arrives at the end of the night. No decision is made in a vacuum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Would consider reporting such parents.

One of our neighbors is like 150 years old and is the unofficial, self appointed "mayor" of the street.

She called the police on a big teen party where she suspected "alcoholic beverages were were possessed by MINORS!" Sure the police broke up the party.

But weeks later, she told us how she kept calling the local police, demanding an update on their "investigation," who the prime suspects were in supplying the alcohol, and if they had anyone in custody yet. It was comical to listen to.

Go ahead, PP, and "report those parents."