Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

So why can't your DH (their son) just tell them "so this is awkward and we don't want it to sound like we're excluding you guys, but we can't do the basement at Bro's house anymore - nobody gets any sleep because it's freezing down there and we're constantly shuttling the kids to an from the bathroom - so we're going to have to start visiting Bro on our own and we can all get together next time they're up here." Obviously his brother and SIL have to be on board with this and DH can talk to them about that first.

I would not make this about "brother time" or "cousin time" or "girl time" at all; I would focus on the space constraints at their house.

This is really the only approach. Honest, direct, kind. If they're really as lovely as you described, they will understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

So why can't your DH (their son) just tell them "so this is awkward and we don't want it to sound like we're excluding you guys, but we can't do the basement at Bro's house anymore - nobody gets any sleep because it's freezing down there and we're constantly shuttling the kids to an from the bathroom - so we're going to have to start visiting Bro on our own and we can all get together next time they're up here." Obviously his brother and SIL have to be on board with this and DH can talk to them about that first.

I would not make this about "brother time" or "cousin time" or "girl time" at all; I would focus on the space constraints at their house.

This is really the only approach. Honest, direct, kind. If they're really as lovely as you described, they will understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

So why can't your DH (their son) just tell them "so this is awkward and we don't want it to sound like we're excluding you guys, but we can't do the basement at Bro's house anymore - nobody gets any sleep because it's freezing down there and we're constantly shuttling the kids to an from the bathroom - so we're going to have to start visiting Bro on our own and we can all get together next time they're up here." Obviously his brother and SIL have to be on board with this and DH can talk to them about that first.

I would not make this about "brother time" or "cousin time" or "girl time" at all; I would focus on the space constraints at their house.

This is really the only approach. Honest, direct, kind. If they're really as lovely as you described, they will understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

So why can't your DH (their son) just tell them "so this is awkward and we don't want it to sound like we're excluding you guys, but we can't do the basement at Bro's house anymore - nobody gets any sleep because it's freezing down there and we're constantly shuttling the kids to an from the bathroom - so we're going to have to start visiting Bro on our own and we can all get together next time they're up here." Obviously his brother and SIL have to be on board with this and DH can talk to them about that first.

I would not make this about "brother time" or "cousin time" or "girl time" at all; I would focus on the space constraints at their house.

This is really the only approach. Honest, direct, kind. If they're really as lovely as you described, they will understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

So why can't your DH (their son) just tell them "so this is awkward and we don't want it to sound like we're excluding you guys, but we can't do the basement at Bro's house anymore - nobody gets any sleep because it's freezing down there and we're constantly shuttling the kids to an from the bathroom - so we're going to have to start visiting Bro on our own and we can all get together next time they're up here." Obviously his brother and SIL have to be on board with this and DH can talk to them about that first.

I would not make this about "brother time" or "cousin time" or "girl time" at all; I would focus on the space constraints at their house.

This is really the only approach. Honest, direct, kind. If they're really as lovely as you described, they will understand.

Anonymous wrote:I honestly can’t believe you let your young kids sleep in the basement with no heat. Who thought that was a good plan? Next time this happens, speak up and say you don’t feel comfortable having the kids sleep in the basement.

There really is no good solution here. If you insist on the bedroom, then you are throwing old people in the basement, which is also not good.

You need to just talk to everyone and say that you are no longer comfortable sleeping in the basement and you will need to visit separately from now on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

So why can't your DH (their son) just tell them "so this is awkward and we don't want it to sound like we're excluding you guys, but we can't do the basement at Bro's house anymore - nobody gets any sleep because it's freezing down there and we're constantly shuttling the kids to an from the bathroom - so we're going to have to start visiting Bro on our own and we can all get together next time they're up here." Obviously his brother and SIL have to be on board with this and DH can talk to them about that first.

I would not make this about "brother time" or "cousin time" or "girl time" at all; I would focus on the space constraints at their house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?

OP here. We usually see them once a week. They typically ask to pick the kids up from preschool one day and take them to the park for an hour. Or DH's grandparents are in their 90s and in need of a lot of a support so we tag team and communicate with them on that. There's 1000% chance my kids would spill the beans even if we tried to hide it. It would also be just a really shocking dynamic to have them find out after because we chit chat all the time. MIL is making the kids Halloween costumes, DH was there yesterday getting something down from their attic for them, we get together 1-2 Sundays per month and watch football/have a pot luck. They're fantastic grandparents and in laws and I definitely don't want to rock the boat this is just one sticking point. DH and I have also been together since we were 17 so a lot is just enmeshed between our families. Like my mom and my MIL are going to a play this month. My dad bought a project hot rod and FIL has been helping him fix it up for fun. My youngest brother lives a few blocks from my in laws and they pay him to do their leaves, snow, handy man stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

SIL and BIL do come here to visit, but they stay with the in laws as they have a 4 bedroom house. Sometimes the older cousin comes and stays at our house for a sleepover with our oldest.

I actually liked the idea that someone posted about a camper. Not a bad solution and they have a huge driveway we could park in.

Our issue with staying in a hotel 40 mins away is that we enjoy the visiting part after the kids go to sleep. We get adult talk, have a drink, play cards.

They have a time share so the Mexico trip just involved switching their timeshare week and changing the flights which they had insurance on.


Thanks for all the thoughts.

You keep leaving out the smoking gun. How are the inlaws finding out about these trips? Who is telling them and why?