Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

This grandson will need the money. The others can get the money from their paren5ts when they die.

And what makes you think the other grandkids DON'T need the money?

I would hate to be the left out grandkid.

DP. Because the other ones don’t have a developmental disability….

That’s weird so people who don’t have autism don’t need money also?

Cool. Then they can go earn it with their non-disabled brains.

Wow, so you think people with autism are incapable of having a job and supporting themselves? Yikes. I don’t think you’re as open-minded as you think you are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

This grandson will need the money. The others can get the money from their paren5ts when they die.

And what makes you think the other grandkids DON'T need the money?

I would hate to be the left out grandkid.

DP. Because the other ones don’t have a developmental disability….

That’s weird so people who don’t have autism don’t need money also?

Cool. Then they can go earn it with their non-disabled brains.

The grandkid in the OP is also capable of earning money.

Anonymous wrote:I was brought up in a European country where people cannot legally disinherit their children.

According to the law of that country, a certain percentage of an estate is to be reserved and shared EQUALLY among the children. I don't know how much the % is in 2022 but I think it used to be around 25%.
It is impossible by law to leave one or more children out of a will (bio children - I have no idea what the law says about stepchildren or adopted children).

Some parents will find ways to favor one child over another before they (the parents) die by paying for expensive home renovations, cars, vacations and other things. None of these examples are considered to be part of an estate (unless parents gifted a huge sum of money) so there may be little money left to share between all the children once the parents die.

I am the PP of the post above. I've just looked it up and I found out that that the law changed in 2018.
From 2018 the law in my country of origin says that AT LEAST 50% of someone's estate must go to the (bio) children, regardless of how many children there are, so at least 50% is to be shared among ALL children.
There are separate rules for stepchildren.

In my country of origin the concept of parents leaving children out of their will is completely alien.

I was brought up in a European country where people cannot legally disinherit their children.

According to the law of that country, a certain percentage of an estate is to be reserved and shared EQUALLY among the children. I don't know how much the % is in 2022 but I think it used to be around 25%.
It is impossible by law to leave one or more children out of a will (bio children - I have no idea what the law says about stepchildren or adopted children).

Some parents will find ways to favor one child over another before they (the parents) die by paying for expensive home renovations, cars, vacations and other things. None of these examples are considered to be part of an estate (unless parents gifted a huge sum of money) so there may be little money left to share between all the children once the parents die.

TALK to your 2 children. Ask them what they think/want, do it in a conversation with all 3 of you.

My parents have checked in with my sibling and myself every few years since before either of us were even married (and now we have both been married over 20 years!). We always said "split it 50/50," and they always said, "what if one of you has a sn child"? Our answer was the same. One of us has more children than the other, and the answer is still the same (no sn children).

Do not let your surprise will create a famy rift between your children or your grandchildren. Talk to them!

My (unmarried, no children) aunt will be leaving everything to me, and nothing to my cousins, who objectively “need” the $ more than I do. She has watched them fritter away their lives, in and out of relationships, children with multiple partners, in and out of jail, always wanting to “borrow” money. She doesn’t want the $$ to support that. She told me I could tell them that after paying off the bills, there wasn’t much left and give them some $$ if I wanted. Depending on how much is there (I’ve been told millions), I will probably fund 529s for their kids.

Do it evenly

So you want your final message to your grandson to be that you think he’s incapable of taking care of himself?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

This grandson will need the money. The others can get the money from their paren5ts when they die.

And what makes you think the other grandkids DON'T need the money?

I would hate to be the left out grandkid.

DP. Because the other ones don’t have a developmental disability….

That’s weird so people who don’t have autism don’t need money also?

Cool. Then they can go earn it with their non-disabled brains.

Yes, this is pretty common, IMO.

My best friend in HS received an inheritance from her grandma but her two brothers did not.

I know 100% that my one aunt will leave everything to her granddaughter. My aunt always wanted a daughter but was never able to have anymore kids after having my male cousin. He later married a woman with 4 boys and then they had a baby together, a girl. My aunt was over-the-moon about it and still to this day, she favors the girl over the boys. She's 10 now and the girl is the only grandkid who ever spends weeks with my aunt during the summer. My aunt & uncle took only her to Disney for spring break. They always spin it like "oh the boys are tweens & teens and not interested in spending time with us old people" but it's 100% a favoritism thing.

Anonymous wrote:You can't do that. They will hate each other for life.

If they do, then it works out, because it means none of them deserved a cent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

Fair doesn’t mean equal. It’s always shocking this has to be said.

You are correct, but in this scenario it's unfair. Do the math!

It’s not about “the math.” Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

Fair doesn’t mean equal. It’s always shocking this has to be said.

But it does ... A grandparent should love their grandkids in EQUAL measure. Why would the others not need the money?

Where does the grandparent here say he only loves the one grandchild? You really need to do some self reflection on why money equals love to you.

+1,000,000

Unless there is some glaring needs, don’t use your will to tear the family apart. Leave equal portions - either split between the two sons (if one dies their portion is split between his two sons) or give equal portions to each son and grandson (split six ways). A will should show love, to leave a good legacy to family — not to leave behind hurt and resentment.

It probably depends in part on the personalities of those involved. You know the players, and can likely ascertain how they will respond.

My grandmother unexpectedly gave out her inheritance to her grandchildren unequally, and it has become a classic family story that makes us all laugh.

My grandmother hated me, but adored my sister and my (female) cousin. She felt that I was unattractive with a bad personality, but fawned over my sister and cousin, who are in fact objectively prettier and more charming. It never bothered me much because I thought my grandma was crazy, and I just sat in the corner and read.

I ended up a physician in a moderately high-paying speciality, my cousin married a wealthy man, and my sister is a public interest lawyer married to social worker.

My grandmother gave me 1/2 of the grandkid money, and actually specified why in her will: I was unpleasant and unattractive, and would need the extra money because I wouldn’t be able to get or keep a husband (ignoring the fact that I am a doctor who can make my own money and have been married for years). My sister and cousin each got 1/4.

Basically, my grandma considered my subpar looks and personality to be a disability, and gave me extra money to compensate. This actually makes sense for the generation of women born around the turn of the century, where the ability to marry well was critically important. Anyway, we all started laughing, and I had the extra 1/4 that I got redistributed evenly.

However, if my sister - who needs money - had gotten 1/2, and my cousin and I each got 1/4, then I am certain that we would have told my sister to keep it. Because we are reasonable people, and my sister needs it more than we do.