For any non-jerk people who are thinking an "intervention" is the right thing to do for an obese family member, please do not. It is not going to help and is only going to ruin any trust your beloved family member might have in you. Imagine the futility of trying to stage an intervention for a heavy smoker after 25 years. What do you imagine you could say that wouldn't sound ridiculous? Smoking is bad for your health? I worry about you? Let's throw those cigs out together! A smoker or fat person is not living under a rock where they somehow need information from you to break their addiction and make better choices.

No matter what you personally believe about obese people (lazy, gross, stupid, mentally ill, genetically doomed, etc) the FACT is that very, very few people manage to lose a significant amount of weight and even fewer manage to keep it off forever. (Five percent, maybe? Someone will correct me, I'm sure.) And those successful unicorns are very, very personally motivated to do it. There is no way that someone who is already resistant to discussing the subject with their physicians and spouse is going to somehow magically be enlightened and transformed by the wisdom and well meaning interference by some in-law. It's just not helpful and only creates bad feelings (shame, anger, resentment).

Please continue to love your fat relatives, build loving and caring relationships that enable them to trust and confide in you, and work through any uncharitable thoughts in a way that helps you to be peaceful and accepting. Compassion is a gift to everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

Are you OP? I was going to try to respond in good faith, but this just shows you to be a judgmental B. It sounds like you do not actually care a bit about your SIL, but rather enjoy the fact that you can feel superior about yourself in every way.

OP here. This is getting pretty upsetting. I never posted this horrible
ME SIL comment above someone is masquerading as me to get people to give me more hate. This is really sick. I appreciate some of the helpful comments I've received here. But the negativity and toxic comments are disturbing. I will not post on this forum again in future. Just BC we are anonymous we should still be decent

It sounds like this SIL has had some mental health and sensory issues for decades and you felt no need to do anything. Why you suddenly would get involved now seems bizarre. This woman likely needed feeding therapy as a kid. Pretty tough to do now that she is over 30 years old.

And how did her DH think they would raise a child to have good eating habits in this environment???

My hsuband and I are both overweight despite pretty healthy eating. It is way more complicated than people think.

I don’t think it is healthy to be overweight or obese and I also think that’s something her husband should be discussing with her directly.

I don’t think her SILs involvement would contribute positively to the situation at all.

She needs action items and can come up with these with a doctor, therapist, or nutritionist and her husband can support her in implementing these changes. In what world would SIL commenting on her weight be helpful?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

You said this so much better than I would have done. I can only add a snippet of Robert. Burns:

"O wad some Power the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us! It wad frae mony a blunder free us...,"

She sounds depressed so why don't you see if you can help her with this rather than excoriating her about her weight.

The last person I would want to help me with my depression is the wife of my BIL. Your BIL can buy himself bagged salads, salad dressing, pasta and jarred sauce and have dinner ready in half an hour. You should know by now that there are two sides to every story and you are only getting one.

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

You said this so much better than I would have done. I can only add a snippet of Robert. Burns:

"O wad some Power the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us! It wad frae mony a blunder free us...,"

She sounds depressed so why don't you see if you can help her with this rather than excoriating her about her weight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

Are you OP? I was going to try to respond in good faith, but this just shows you to be a judgmental B. It sounds like you do not actually care a bit about your SIL, but rather enjoy the fact that you can feel superior about yourself in every way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

And yet:

you= posting on the internet for validation about how horrible your SIL is and

SIL= doesn’t give her judgmental sister in law a moments thought in her day. Other than to pity her for marrying someone who can’t support his family.


So really who is winning here?

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

Anonymous wrote:My only real though is how the hell you think this is any of your concern.

+1

Really, what are you possibly imagining you can do here? Maybe you could gift them 6 months of a healthy pre-made meal service, if that's something that fits your budget. But only if you are willing to do that anonymously and never speak of it and no one would suspect you, and be 90% sure it won't work anyways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will never change, and it might kill her husband. If he wants to LIVE, he should give up the expensive community so at least they can afford healthy restaurant food every day. Better yet, he changes jobs too so he has time to cook dinner himself. Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change

Yes, tell your BIL that she is a basket case, and he should watch out for himself and the children. He needs to prioritize healthy eating for himself and kids

Well, it sounds like he’s obese as well, but doesn’t seem to be doing anything about in in the 60 hours a week he’s away from home. SIL must be shoving unhealthy food down his throat then too?

A person in their 40s who only eats like 5 things and prefers to eat hot dogs or secret room junk during holiday dinners is much different than an obese person who just overeats because they love and get comfort from food, doesn’t exercise, and lacks the discipline or desire to lose weight. I don’t think there’s anything you can do or say that will help this situation.

Anonymous wrote:OP need an intervention- she is addicted to chronic meddling.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

LOL. This is a PERFECT response!!!! You rock, PP!!!

OP I believe that you care, and that it’s a tough situation, but I really think the person your SIL will listen to is her own husband. He needs to insist that they meet with a physician who can discuss her options and overall health status. Bringing in a trusted, impartial and educated third party who is trained in obesity management is the best path forward.