Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 13:04     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to


You are evil. Honestly, I'm 60+ with several adult children and unless one of yours has some extreme outliner condition, all should be treated fairly. And that means equally.


What on earth are you talking about? Since when does fairly mean the same thing as financially equal?





The first PP apparently has a black and white view of the world. They don't understand that most family situations are more fluid, and needs come and go.


I mean, seriously. Do she expect me to keep a spreadsheet of every cent I ever spend on each kid?

Here's an example. We had one kid who needed to go to boarding school for a year. It wasn't free. The other kids were in public school. Are we supposed to give the other kids the cash equivalent?

We had a different kid decide to go to a private liberal arts college because it had a particular major they wanted and otherwise was a better fit for their needs. The others went to state schools with similarly good reputations and programs (think UVA). Are we supposed to pay the other kids the tuition difference?

We had one kid who needed help with child care, another who needed help with a down payment, and another who needed neither. Are we supposed to pay that kid the cash equivalent of the child care or the down payment? Or, since the kid who needed neither was the one who went to boarding school for a year, do we subtract the cost of boarding school from the down payment the other kid got and make up the difference?



Do you really not see the difference between your examples and not dividing your estate equally among children?


Not really, no. Because you're still going to have petty children like OP complaining that they deserved more because more was spent on the other kid when they were younger. And, in the end, it's nobody's money but the parents'.

Also, I'm responding to the idiot 60+ year old who said I was "evil" for not keeping a spreadsheet.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 13:01     Subject: Unequal inheritance
My mother recently did this, and made the mistake of telling me. She needed a new hip a few months later and expected my help. I told her that she bought and paid for my brother, so to call him about any assistance she would need. Aside from sending flowers and one check up call, I’ve done nothing. My brother had to care for her dog for 2 months and she had to go to a $5/month rehab facility because she didn’t have another to look after her. Not my fault she picked the wrong child.

F*** around? Find out!
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 13:01     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to


You are evil. Honestly, I'm 60+ with several adult children and unless one of yours has some extreme outliner condition, all should be treated fairly. And that means equally.


What on earth are you talking about? Since when does fairly mean the same thing as financially equal?





The first PP apparently has a black and white view of the world. They don't understand that most family situations are more fluid, and needs come and go.


I mean, seriously. Do she expect me to keep a spreadsheet of every cent I ever spend on each kid?

Here's an example. We had one kid who needed to go to boarding school for a year. It wasn't free. The other kids were in public school. Are we supposed to give the other kids the cash equivalent?

We had a different kid decide to go to a private liberal arts college because it had a particular major they wanted and otherwise was a better fit for their needs. The others went to state schools with similarly good reputations and programs (think UVA). Are we supposed to pay the other kids the tuition difference?

We had one kid who needed help with child care, another who needed help with a down payment, and another who needed neither. Are we supposed to pay that kid the cash equivalent of the child care or the down payment? Or, since the kid who needed neither was the one who went to boarding school for a year, do we subtract the cost of boarding school from the down payment the other kid got and make up the difference?



Do you really not see the difference between your examples and not dividing your estate equally among children?
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:56     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to


You are evil. Honestly, I'm 60+ with several adult children and unless one of yours has some extreme outliner condition, all should be treated fairly. And that means equally.


What on earth are you talking about? Since when does fairly mean the same thing as financially equal?





The first PP apparently has a black and white view of the world. They don't understand that most family situations are more fluid, and needs come and go.


I mean, seriously. Do she expect me to keep a spreadsheet of every cent I ever spend on each kid?

Here's an example. We had one kid who needed to go to boarding school for a year. It wasn't free. The other kids were in public school. Are we supposed to give the other kids the cash equivalent?

We had a different kid decide to go to a private liberal arts college because it had a particular major they wanted and otherwise was a better fit for their needs. The others went to state schools with similarly good reputations and programs (think UVA). Are we supposed to pay the other kids the tuition difference?

We had one kid who needed help with child care, another who needed help with a down payment, and another who needed neither. Are we supposed to pay that kid the cash equivalent of the child care or the down payment? Or, since the kid who needed neither was the one who went to boarding school for a year, do we subtract the cost of boarding school from the down payment the other kid got and make up the difference?

Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:54     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:My mom is 75. My brother divorced at 38 and moved back in with her. She is widowed. My brother quit his job at 40 with plans to get another job someday. It's been 10 years and mom has been supporting him. He has an excellent degree and would easily have been employable. He just says he hates work and work is stressful. His kids who are now 19 and 20 also lived with my mom since the divorce.

My mom is worth a few million around 3-4. She previously told me the will is 50/50. She has been doing questionable things recently. So, I asked her about the will and she said " I need to protect people in the will. You have had much more success than your brother. He has not been successful and will need more money". We will meet to discuss this further. After many instances of being treated unfairly, I am done. I am punished for working hard throughout my life. If it is not equal, then I don't want any money.


Yep this is happening to me as well, but in reverse! I’m a nanny who has never married or had kids. I work 3 jobs to support myself. My brother is married with 3 kids, but is a stay at home dad (after getting fired a million times) living in a country with free daycare where the kids smog all day while he plays video games. His wife is a doctor and supports the family. My mom bought them a house. She’s give my brother about 1.5 million over the years. $250k to me, towards a condo.

My mom just bought them a second home, while I am living in a condo in an area that is part of the MS13 gang territory. We have several shootings a month.

My mom is worth about 3-4 million and recently told me her will is going to be split 5 ways. Apparently I’m being penalized for not being able to have kids or being a mooch like my brother.

I’m no longer speaking to my mother and now no longer care about the money.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:54     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:12:15 again. Have a lawyer. Have a lawyer and tell him what your goal is: 50/50. Have a will drawn up that way. In case she'll sign. Make things simple for Mom. At the meeting you might say that you need to look after your brother and his family and see that he doesn't get into problems - sound sympathetic



Please don't do this.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:48     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to


You are evil. Honestly, I'm 60+ with several adult children and unless one of yours has some extreme outliner condition, all should be treated fairly. And that means equally.


What on earth are you talking about? Since when does fairly mean the same thing as financially equal?





The first PP apparently has a black and white view of the world. They don't understand that most family situations are more fluid, and needs come and go.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:47     Subject: Unequal inheritance
He's probably helping her you aren't
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:44     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to


You are evil. Honestly, I'm 60+ with several adult children and unless one of yours has some extreme outliner condition, all should be treated fairly. And that means equally.


What on earth are you talking about? Since when does fairly mean the same thing as financially equal?



Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:42     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:12:15 again. Have a lawyer. Have a lawyer and tell him what your goal is: 50/50. Have a will drawn up that way. In case she'll sign. Make things simple for Mom. At the meeting you might say that you need to look after your brother and his family and see that he doesn't get into problems - sound sympathetic


No ethical lawyer is going to draw up a will for somebody to shove into their mother's face without making sure the mother herself also has her own lawyer.

Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:39     Subject: Unequal inheritance
^ that's just my husband's family, of course. OP's brother appears to be in a different situation.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:38     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Having witnessed terrible inheritance battles on my mother's side of the family, I am firmly in the camp of equal division, unless everyone is on board with a different plan. For example, my husband and his siblings have agreed that a larger portion would go to their oldest sibling, because he takes care of their aging mother.

If your brother ends up taking care of your mother, that is worth a LOT of money and peace of mind, OP. I think you need to make sure that happens. It would be the best scenario for your family.


It would be better for the care-giving sibling to receive a reasonable payment for services NOW, rather than a larger portion of the inheritance.


PP you replied to. He doesn't need or want that - all the siblings are well off and don't need extra money. It's just a gesture of gratitude from his mother and siblings, essentially.

Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:28     Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to


You are evil. Honestly, I'm 60+ with several adult children and unless one of yours has some extreme outliner condition, all should be treated fairly. And that means equally.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:26     Subject: Unequal inheritance
12:15 again. Have a lawyer. Have a lawyer and tell him what your goal is: 50/50. Have a will drawn up that way. In case she'll sign. Make things simple for Mom. At the meeting you might say that you need to look after your brother and his family and see that he doesn't get into problems - sound sympathetic
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 12:24     Subject: Unequal inheritance
Look, OP. We raised four kids, and they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to. It's our money, our choice.

Yes, this included spending less money on kids who might be considered "more responsible," but so what? That's what parents do, and again it's their money.