Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there is a ton of passion in your marriage on both sides. I bet you guys have a great sex life.

I don’t think it’s going to work out long term, but you two will probably have more sex post-divorce than most of DCUM does while married.

Ew gross.

Sounds like there is a ton of passion in your marriage on both sides. I bet you guys have a great sex life.

I don’t think it’s going to work out long term, but you two will probably have more sex post-divorce than most of DCUM does while married.

Anonymous wrote:My BIL told my sister that she looked liked an insect in her doctoral gown because of the green and gold hood. Over the years, he has relentlessly criticized her and now her self esteem in shreds. Please get out of this marriage before this narcissist makes you a shell of your former self.

OMG at what should be a moment of pride because of all her hard work, to hear this!
He probably didn't like that he wasn't the center of attention.

Anonymous wrote:My BIL told my sister that she looked liked an insect in her doctoral gown because of the green and gold hood. Over the years, he has relentlessly criticized her and now her self esteem in shreds. Please get out of this marriage before this narcissist makes you a shell of your former self.

This is so sad. Abusers do this, they say things as “jokes” or do things that are somewhat in the realm of normal but then take it so far that their victim is genuinely hurt and humiliated. They gaslight the victim saying they can’t take a joke or they were just making a normal comment about their outfit but you know it when you see it, if your spouse is consistently and intentionally being cruel to you and chipping away at your self esteem they are abusing you. The goal is to make you feel alone and worthless. No one that purports to love you should be doing this.

The title of the thread is wrong. It should read "My DH is a jerk and I've had it."

It's one thing to joke lightly about an outfit a loved one is wearing from time to time, in good fun, everyone laughing, but it's a whole other to tell you to change and leave you at home because you don't. That's controlling and abusive OP. I think you should address this with him ASAP and let him know it's not acceptable.

Opening his mouth makes him look like a turd. He should change it before you go out in public with him. I would be embarrassed to be seen walking anywhere with a turd.

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Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Yeah, no. Did you miss the part where he left without her?

Yeah, no, she did not change right? He then called several times and she did not pick up the phone, right? Neither of them are making good decisions. They both sound immature and their feelings are getting hurt quite a lot. All of which is fine by itself. Unfortunately, they have also produced two kids and this can and will impact them.

"She did not change" ... are you for real? You think a grown woman should change her clothes on her husband's command? WTAF?

She doesn't have to change but compromise goes a long way for a lasting marriage.

This is not the kind of thing that should be the subject of compromise. You compromise about substantive things that both partners have a stake in-- how you spend the family's income, where you send your kids to school, whose family you spend the holidays with, the schedule for weekend activities. The clothes someone choose to wear to a BBQ are not that. It's controlling to do otherwise.

Ehhhh - if my husband put on something I really hated, I might ask him to change. I'd be judicious about it, and wouldn't compare him to an insect, but I could see myself making that request. My mother has certainly told me dad - not asked but told - him to go change plenty of times. She's thrown out some of his clothes, even.

Telling your spouse (gently) that their clothes aren’t flattering or aren’t appropriate for the event is one thing, making fun of them in front of the kids and asking them to join in and then getting so upset you leave with the kids is a whole other level. OPs situation is not normal.

My BIL told my sister that she looked liked an insect in her doctoral gown because of the green and gold hood. Over the years, he has relentlessly criticized her and now her self esteem in shreds. Please get out of this marriage before this narcissist makes you a shell of your former self.

Anonymous wrote:…….“When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids). ….”

And that was the last time he was seen alive.

🐝

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Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Yeah, no. Did you miss the part where he left without her?

Yeah, no, she did not change right? He then called several times and she did not pick up the phone, right? Neither of them are making good decisions. They both sound immature and their feelings are getting hurt quite a lot. All of which is fine by itself. Unfortunately, they have also produced two kids and this can and will impact them.

"She did not change" ... are you for real? You think a grown woman should change her clothes on her husband's command? WTAF?

She doesn't have to change but compromise goes a long way for a lasting marriage.

This is not the kind of thing that should be the subject of compromise. You compromise about substantive things that both partners have a stake in-- how you spend the family's income, where you send your kids to school, whose family you spend the holidays with, the schedule for weekend activities. The clothes someone choose to wear to a BBQ are not that. It's controlling to do otherwise.

Ehhhh - if my husband put on something I really hated, I might ask him to change. I'd be judicious about it, and wouldn't compare him to an insect, but I could see myself making that request. My mother has certainly told me dad - not asked but told - him to go change plenty of times. She's thrown out some of his clothes, even.

What was he wearing?

He sounds like a true DB.

I’m sorry, OP. This does sound controlling and abusive. He should never disrespectfully mock you in front of your kids. I think you should talk calmly to him about it and if he doesn’t see your side, therapy may be in order. You can’t live with this control and your children shouldn’t grown up with it either.

Anonymous wrote:Why don't people date long enough to understand what otger person is capable of. Both parties here lack basic kindness and communication skills.

Do you realize that people can change?

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman who is fully in support of dressing for yourself. I am very curious about the missing details and the included details. OP, would the off the shoulder top been in line with what others were wearing in terms of how much skin was shown? I think it's super interested that OP included the detail that it was from JCREW and off the shoulder. Someone later picked up on this, where JCREW is not known for being too sexy. Did DH object only to the color?

Well to be fair it *is* hard to imagine anything from J Crew being overly sexy, showing too much cleavage etc. Sounds like he just didn’t like it/find it flattering, which….tough.