Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

ancillery to this post, but #1 tells us a lot about the people in this area and understandings of how businesses work. facepalm, facepalm, facepalm

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are offering to pay. They are willing to include you. That's nice.

Do you get that not everyone adores the beach each and every year? After about two days of nonstop bugs and sand everywhere, I'm over it. I think a mountain resort sounds lovely. People like a change of pace. Not everyone like We Do This Tradition Every Year.

+1

I love the beach, but my redheaded children hate it because of the sun. Not everyone likes the same thing.

OP, your son and DIL are handling this very well and you should respond in kind, as a fellow adult. Also, FYI: You are not in charge. You are on equal footing with your adult children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

This. No person can force another to remain married or live with them, either, but missions of people are unduly controlled in their domestic relationships.

The attempt at control is the odious action; it doesn't have to be successful to cause damage.

I'm so sorry, did I miss the part where OP and her husband literally control all of their son/DIL's finances, and verbally and physically abuse them, and threaten to take their kids away from them? Did I miss the part where OP was plotting to hide car keys so no one could drive away? Y'all are something else.

You're being obtuse for no real reason. The point is that many things short of chaining a person to a radiator fall under the penumbra of control. Your insistence that OP cannot control another person - because if you think about it, it's not possible for anyone to control anyone! - just makes it seem like you have no idea what words mean.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

This. No person can force another to remain married or live with them, either, but missions of people are unduly controlled in their domestic relationships.

The attempt at control is the odious action; it doesn't have to be successful to cause damage.

I'm so sorry, did I miss the part where OP and her husband literally control all of their son/DIL's finances, and verbally and physically abuse them, and threaten to take their kids away from them? Did I miss the part where OP was plotting to hide car keys so no one could drive away? Y'all are something else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

This. No person can force another to remain married or live with them, either, but missions of people are unduly controlled in their domestic relationships.

The attempt at control is the odious action; it doesn't have to be successful to cause damage.

I'm so sorry, did I miss the part where OP and her husband literally control all of their son/DIL's finances, and verbally and physically abuse them, and threaten to take their kids away from them? Did I miss the part where OP was plotting to hide car keys so no one could drive away? Y'all are something else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

OP is literally on here asking whether she should go with them to the mountains. She is not saying, "How do I work it so that they go to the beach and only the beach forever and ever." My ILs invited us to go on a cruise with them, their treat. I get motion sickness and had one terrible cruise experience in college. We said no thank you and they went and had a great time. I did not feel "controlled" by the offer of a free vacation. What with it being an offer and not my FIL beating DH and I senseless while MIL got the rope ready to hog-tie us and get us into the trunk.

Am I wrong to feel that this is a lot to process? We pay for lovely accommodations. I understand that DIL wants something different and is offering to pay, but I still kind of wonder why a free beach week is so awful and tradition needs to be changed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

This. No person can force another to remain married or live with them, either, but missions of people are unduly controlled in their domestic relationships.

The attempt at control is the odious action; it doesn't have to be successful to cause damage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

OP is literally on here asking whether she should go with them to the mountains. She is not saying, "How do I work it so that they go to the beach and only the beach forever and ever." My ILs invited us to go on a cruise with them, their treat. I get motion sickness and had one terrible cruise experience in college. We said no thank you and they went and had a great time. I did not feel "controlled" by the offer of a free vacation. What with it being an offer and not my FIL beating DH and I senseless while MIL got the rope ready to hog-tie us and get us into the trunk.

Am I wrong to feel that this is a lot to process? We pay for lovely accommodations. I understand that DIL wants something different and is offering to pay, but I still kind of wonder why a free beach week is so awful and tradition needs to be changed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

She is trying to control through guilt and emotional manipulation. Just because it's possible to resist that form of control does not mean it isn't about control for OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.