Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds deeply entitled, immature and ungrateful. I would start looking for someone who wants an equal partner and not a nurse.

Amazing.

Reminder that DCUM women often say that women are the more "empathetic" sex and that men are trash because they are likely to abandon their wives if they become seriously ill.

That’s not something DCUM says, it’s something statistics say

[Reading what women post on DCUM Relationships gives me very serious doubt about those "statistics". Total lack of empathy, total lack of interest in anything other than "what is my husband doing for me right now."]

OP fed and sheltered her spouse while he underwent chemo. Now he’s (after the fact) saying she didn’t do enough and wants to punish her by leaving her without money when he dies. Meanwhile she never restricted his access to her money while he lived.

"I fed and sheltered you for years and never restricted your access to my money, but now you say I didn't do enough and you want to punish me financially" is pretty much every divorced husband ever. Cry me a river.

Right that’s why there was an article to back up the statistics. Not your feefees.

I don’t think the OP should cry, I think she should consider her support for her husband a sunk cost, stop working immediately (while preserving her network for later) and file for divorce herself. If the people who think she wasn’t financially supporting him are correct, she won’t have any alimony to pay. If the people who assume she was are correct, she will have reduced alimony based on her new financial situation, and her children will be taken care of by their fathers life insurance when he passes. Win-win.

Doesn’t matter who files first. All assets will be split.

If he’s smart he’ll also have a 5 year true up clause signed off by a forensic accountant for any deferred income she pushes out for post-divorce.

No judge would require such a clause. My exH was a millionaire who hid his stock options in Liechtenstein. Good luck forcing anyone sign a settlement with this clause.

This isn’t about power.

This is about a selfish neglectful spouse who has their priorities totally backwards, and probably has the whole marriage.

The only power going on, is after the divorce Op can’t hide behind the fake persona they have the last 20-30 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds deeply entitled, immature and ungrateful. I would start looking for someone who wants an equal partner and not a nurse.

Amazing.

Reminder that DCUM women often say that women are the more "empathetic" sex and that men are trash because they are likely to abandon their wives if they become seriously ill.

That’s not something DCUM says, it’s something statistics say

[Reading what women post on DCUM Relationships gives me very serious doubt about those "statistics". Total lack of empathy, total lack of interest in anything other than "what is my husband doing for me right now."]

OP fed and sheltered her spouse while he underwent chemo. Now he’s (after the fact) saying she didn’t do enough and wants to punish her by leaving her without money when he dies. Meanwhile she never restricted his access to her money while he lived.

"I fed and sheltered you for years and never restricted your access to my money, but now you say I didn't do enough and you want to punish me financially" is pretty much every divorced husband ever. Cry me a river.

Right that’s why there was an article to back up the statistics. Not your feefees.

I don’t think the OP should cry, I think she should consider her support for her husband a sunk cost, stop working immediately (while preserving her network for later) and file for divorce herself. If the people who think she wasn’t financially supporting him are correct, she won’t have any alimony to pay. If the people who assume she was are correct, she will have reduced alimony based on her new financial situation, and her children will be taken care of by their fathers life insurance when he passes. Win-win.

Doesn’t matter who files first. All assets will be split.

If he’s smart he’ll also have a 5 year true up clause signed off by a forensic accountant for any deferred income she pushes out for post-divorce.

Filing first isn’t about getting more, it’s about taking away the power her DH believes he has by telling her she’s not on the life insurance. Maybe he’s also not invited to his birthday party! He seems incredibly attention-seeking and the best way to deal with people like that is just to call their bluff and move on.

He can ask for whatever clauses he wants. If he wasn’t a dependent, he won’t get alimony and if he was, he’s going to be dead soon anyway or this whole life insurance thing is just a dramatic temper tantrum. Short-term alimony.

Dream on. That’s not at all what’s going on with gray divorces.

Besides, at that age most “demanding job” careers are pulling in $1M+ gross a year so a $1-2M life insurance payout split between a spouse and adult kids is peanuts. And no one has any idea what the ill, recovered spouse pulls in. Either way, all marital assets will be split 50/50.
Op sounds like a chicken $hit who wouldn’t step back from “work” during a family crisis. Their coworkers prob think they’re a jack@$$ as well. Quite the role model.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds deeply entitled, immature and ungrateful. I would start looking for someone who wants an equal partner and not a nurse.

Amazing.

Reminder that DCUM women often say that women are the more "empathetic" sex and that men are trash because they are likely to abandon their wives if they become seriously ill.

That’s not something DCUM says, it’s something statistics say

[Reading what women post on DCUM Relationships gives me very serious doubt about those "statistics". Total lack of empathy, total lack of interest in anything other than "what is my husband doing for me right now."]

OP fed and sheltered her spouse while he underwent chemo. Now he’s (after the fact) saying she didn’t do enough and wants to punish her by leaving her without money when he dies. Meanwhile she never restricted his access to her money while he lived.

"I fed and sheltered you for years and never restricted your access to my money, but now you say I didn't do enough and you want to punish me financially" is pretty much every divorced husband ever. Cry me a river.

Right that’s why there was an article to back up the statistics. Not your feefees.

I don’t think the OP should cry, I think she should consider her support for her husband a sunk cost, stop working immediately (while preserving her network for later) and file for divorce herself. If the people who think she wasn’t financially supporting him are correct, she won’t have any alimony to pay. If the people who assume she was are correct, she will have reduced alimony based on her new financial situation, and her children will be taken care of by their fathers life insurance when he passes. Win-win.

Doesn’t matter who files first. All assets will be split.

If he’s smart he’ll also have a 5 year true up clause signed off by a forensic accountant for any deferred income she pushes out for post-divorce.

Filing first isn’t about getting more, it’s about taking away the power her DH believes he has by telling her she’s not on the life insurance. Maybe he’s also not invited to his birthday party! He seems incredibly attention-seeking and the best way to deal with people like that is just to call their bluff and move on.

He can ask for whatever clauses he wants. If he wasn’t a dependent, he won’t get alimony and if he was, he’s going to be dead soon anyway or this whole life insurance thing is just a dramatic temper tantrum. Short-term alimony.

Anonymous wrote:Most very successful women I know wish they had enjoyed their family and life more before their kids turned 19 and left.

None of the c-level dinners I’ve had have had women say “I have a demanding career, I couldn’t be there 100%.”

I also know men who, when their Private equity firm was riding them for helping their spouse through cancer treatments, left the firm and started their own firm. People in the industry know who I’m talking about.

This. DH drops work anytime a family member is in a crisis and his partners do the same. That's the beauty of being at the peak of your power. I have a less prestigious job but I do the same and if my firm wants to fire me for it, good riddance.

Dude guys come on. op is a guy and he deserted his wife during her sickness and it was the last straw. OP has estranged himself from his family; his adult kids must have seen this pattern of neglect and selfishness play out for years. He’s done for. And he’s not going to post here again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds deeply entitled, immature and ungrateful. I would start looking for someone who wants an equal partner and not a nurse.

Amazing.

Reminder that DCUM women often say that women are the more "empathetic" sex and that men are trash because they are likely to abandon their wives if they become seriously ill.

That’s not something DCUM says, it’s something statistics say

[Reading what women post on DCUM Relationships gives me very serious doubt about those "statistics". Total lack of empathy, total lack of interest in anything other than "what is my husband doing for me right now."]

OP fed and sheltered her spouse while he underwent chemo. Now he’s (after the fact) saying she didn’t do enough and wants to punish her by leaving her without money when he dies. Meanwhile she never restricted his access to her money while he lived.

"I fed and sheltered you for years and never restricted your access to my money, but now you say I didn't do enough and you want to punish me financially" is pretty much every divorced husband ever. Cry me a river.

Right that’s why there was an article to back up the statistics. Not your feefees.

I don’t think the OP should cry, I think she should consider her support for her husband a sunk cost, stop working immediately (while preserving her network for later) and file for divorce herself. If the people who think she wasn’t financially supporting him are correct, she won’t have any alimony to pay. If the people who assume she was are correct, she will have reduced alimony based on her new financial situation, and her children will be taken care of by their fathers life insurance when he passes. Win-win.

Doesn’t matter who files first. All assets will be split.

If he’s smart he’ll also have a 5 year true up clause signed off by a forensic accountant for any deferred income she pushes out for post-divorce.

Most very successful women I know wish they had enjoyed their family and life more before their kids turned 19 and left.

None of the c-level dinners I’ve had have had women say “I have a demanding career, I couldn’t be there 100%.”

I also know men who, when their Private equity firm was riding them for helping their spouse through cancer treatments, left the firm and started their own firm. People in the industry know who I’m talking about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds deeply entitled, immature and ungrateful. I would start looking for someone who wants an equal partner and not a nurse.

Amazing.

Reminder that DCUM women often say that women are the more "empathetic" sex and that men are trash because they are likely to abandon their wives if they become seriously ill.

That’s not something DCUM says, it’s something statistics say

[Reading what women post on DCUM Relationships gives me very serious doubt about those "statistics". Total lack of empathy, total lack of interest in anything other than "what is my husband doing for me right now."]

OP fed and sheltered her spouse while he underwent chemo. Now he’s (after the fact) saying she didn’t do enough and wants to punish her by leaving her without money when he dies. Meanwhile she never restricted his access to her money while he lived.

"I fed and sheltered you for years and never restricted your access to my money, but now you say I didn't do enough and you want to punish me financially" is pretty much every divorced husband ever. Cry me a river.

Right that’s why there was an article to back up the statistics. Not your feefees.

I don’t think the OP should cry, I think she should consider her support for her husband a sunk cost, stop working immediately (while preserving her network for later) and file for divorce herself. If the people who think she wasn’t financially supporting him are correct, she won’t have any alimony to pay. If the people who assume she was are correct, she will have reduced alimony based on her new financial situation, and her children will be taken care of by their fathers life insurance when he passes. Win-win.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult children. I have a demanding career. I’m sorry if I could not be there 100 percent.

This is pretty flippant for not supporting your spouse during a life threatening disease. You should stop worrying about the life insurance and realize he's getting his ducks in a row to leave you.

If I got cancer after our kids were out of the house and my DH's response to asking why he didn't fully support me was "ohhhh, sorry, I was busy at work, what did you expect from me?" I'd 100% bounce after I recovered. No point living out the rest of your life with someone who can't step up when needed. You're shocked that you're off the policy? He's shocked that you're a selfish and bad person.

Wow, you're spinning a lot. You should write screenplays, dear. I have not read the thread, but I'm sure there is a lot more to the story. What if, for instance, it's OP's job that paid for the mortgage, kept the utilities on, and kept the much needed health insurance in place throughout her spouse's cancer battle?

I should write screenplays? Thanks I guess, even though you're the one spinning up a "what if" scenario based on :: checks notes:: literally nothing.

Here's what OP said: Adult children. I have a demanding career. I’m sorry if I could not be there 100 percent.

Dassit. Not "I had to keep the bills paid, I provide the insurance, I paid the mortgage." None of that. Just "I was busy at work."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult children. I have a demanding career. I’m sorry if I could not be there 100 percent.

This is pretty flippant for not supporting your spouse during a life threatening disease. You should stop worrying about the life insurance and realize he's getting his ducks in a row to leave you.

If I got cancer after our kids were out of the house and my DH's response to asking why he didn't fully support me was "ohhhh, sorry, I was busy at work, what did you expect from me?" I'd 100% bounce after I recovered. No point living out the rest of your life with someone who can't step up when needed. You're shocked that you're off the policy? He's shocked that you're a selfish and bad person.

So you’d let your spouse financially support you through your illness and then leave them because they didn’t do as much as you wanted emotionally.

If OP is the breadwinner she could have restricted access to money and it doesn’t sound like that happened, and even with good insurance co-payments for cancer treatments aren’t nothing. She also could have chosen to divorce *him* as many men do their partners when they get cancer.

You have fully invented that she "financially support[ed]" him. All she said was she has a busy job. Not that it's high-paid, not that she's the breadwinner, not that they needed her insurance, not that he didn't get disability from his own job. You made ALL OF THAT up to justify her completely unemotional reaction to him saying she didn't support him during cancer. Same as all of the PPs on this thread talking about how overwhelmed she was, or how maybe he's just crazy. Given the chance to respond to him about this accusation her response was "I have a demanding career."

Yep, I'd leave her. That's not a marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Adult children. I have a demanding career. I’m sorry if I could not be there 100 percent.

He’s sorry if he hates you now. Sounds like that’s just how it goes.

Anonymous wrote:What’s the update Op?

Did you decide your next move or are you working too hard to deal with real life?

Curious if you’re actually male and flipping the genders in your post.

Bump