Anonymous
06/01/2022 14:47
Subject: Re:How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I dated a guy who dumped me because he couldn't give me what I wanted, though he was totally incorrect about what I wanted. Then a month later I got the "I miss you as a friend, let's get together and talk." I ignored him for two months, then finally gave in and met him for a drink to "catch up." He just wanted to sleep with me and said he wanted me in his life, but wasn't sure as what (friend, dating, etc). So, I left.
omg!!! what a loser.
this is why I think “the rules” and other advice for women to be hard to get are bullsh*t. if a man primarily is motivated by you being unavailable, he’s an immature jerk. good relationships are built on mutuality and honesty not games.
Anonymous
06/01/2022 14:41
Subject: Re:How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Yeah, I dated a guy who dumped me because he couldn't give me what I wanted, though he was totally incorrect about what I wanted. Then a month later I got the "I miss you as a friend, let's get together and talk." I ignored him for two months, then finally gave in and met him for a drink to "catch up." He just wanted to sleep with me and said he wanted me in his life, but wasn't sure as what (friend, dating, etc). So, I left.
Anonymous
06/01/2022 10:04
Subject: Re:How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP. I've lived this relationship before. OP is correct to ignore and block. This is what this guy is doing:
He knows OP is into him. She broke it off because he won't commit, and presumably he exhibited other flakey behavior. He put her on the shelf to see if she'd relent and come crawling back to him. She didn't, so he sent her a few texts but she still didn't reply. Not one to be ignored, he wants to key in on her preexisting feelings for him to lure her back in and be the one to dump her.
The wine bottle text is a flashy way to get her attention. It looks romantic. The text has intrigue. He makes it seem like maybe, just maybe, during the ensuing three months he did a 180 and the "things have changed a lot for me" could mean - maybe - that he's really into OP after all. Maybe.
The reality is that text says nothing and commits to nothing and means nothing. Only actual sincere words backed up by actions mean anything. Dollars to donuts if OP got together with this guy again he quickly would disappoint her. Like meet up with her, maybe hook up then afterward talk about this great girl he met and how OP inspired him to seek a deeper relationship - with this other woman.
The wine bottle text is a catfish technique to reel OP in only to get her hopes up then drop her as payback for cutting it off with him and ignoring his texts.
Wow. Spot on and totally agree.
I always wonder though why people do this? Like, guy should just leave OP alone and go mess with someone else's peaceful life, as he undoubtedly will. But why continue to torture OP? Asking as someone who was always vulnerable to getting hooked back in by guys like this (and am not anymore but I learned that painful lesson too many times).
Because guys like this want, want, want. They don't care how many bodies lie in their path of destruction. I think many of them even think that they sincerely believe there is a chance that this relationship is really going to work out this time - so they can tell themselves they aren't being manipulative a-turds while out trying to destabilize someone's life. I really think that's part of it. They think it's real. In their head it's real. So they aren't doing anything wrong, knocking on that closed door.
I was in a relationship with a guy like this for over three years and it nearly destroyed me. Every time I'd get out he'd come back with flowers and promises, and every time it turned out the same way. I just wanted it to be real so badly - I loved him so much, and he was so charming and enveloping - that I kept on coming back every time he baited that hook.
Anonymous
06/01/2022 09:53
Subject: Re:How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:NP. I've lived this relationship before. OP is correct to ignore and block. This is what this guy is doing:
He knows OP is into him. She broke it off because he won't commit, and presumably he exhibited other flakey behavior. He put her on the shelf to see if she'd relent and come crawling back to him. She didn't, so he sent her a few texts but she still didn't reply. Not one to be ignored, he wants to key in on her preexisting feelings for him to lure her back in and be the one to dump her.
The wine bottle text is a flashy way to get her attention. It looks romantic. The text has intrigue. He makes it seem like maybe, just maybe, during the ensuing three months he did a 180 and the "things have changed a lot for me" could mean - maybe - that he's really into OP after all. Maybe.
The reality is that text says nothing and commits to nothing and means nothing. Only actual sincere words backed up by actions mean anything. Dollars to donuts if OP got together with this guy again he quickly would disappoint her. Like meet up with her, maybe hook up then afterward talk about this great girl he met and how OP inspired him to seek a deeper relationship - with this other woman.
The wine bottle text is a catfish technique to reel OP in only to get her hopes up then drop her as payback for cutting it off with him and ignoring his texts.
Wow. Spot on and totally agree.
I always wonder though why people do this? Like, guy should just leave OP alone and go mess with someone else's peaceful life, as he undoubtedly will. But why continue to torture OP? Asking as someone who was always vulnerable to getting hooked back in by guys like this (and am not anymore but I learned that painful lesson too many times).
Anonymous
06/01/2022 02:56
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You're my hero OP!! Good for you.
(Totally agreeing w/ the majority here that this wasn't a genuine attempt at anything of substance from him. A sincere change of heart would be "Hey OP, I have realized just how much I've missed you and I have done a lot of thinking. I'd really love the chance to have a conversation with you about some of how my thinking has evolved, if you would be willing to allow that. I realize you owe me nothing, and fully respect if you'd rather not. In either case I hope you are well and happy." That would get a response. His message OTH is just crap.)
That text would be a huge turn-off and paint him as a total simp.
This does sound like a woman wrote it. But for it to be still authentic and show real interest he should’ve at least said the first 2 sentences. The point is he needs to say he messed up and misses her and wants to talk.
Anonymous
06/01/2022 01:20
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You're my hero OP!! Good for you.
(Totally agreeing w/ the majority here that this wasn't a genuine attempt at anything of substance from him. A sincere change of heart would be "Hey OP, I have realized just how much I've missed you and I have done a lot of thinking. I'd really love the chance to have a conversation with you about some of how my thinking has evolved, if you would be willing to allow that. I realize you owe me nothing, and fully respect if you'd rather not. In either case I hope you are well and happy." That would get a response. His message OTH is just crap.)
That text would be a huge turn-off and paint him as a total simp.
The man who sends that text ends up happily married (with the recipient or another woman with whom he creates a mature relationship.)
The man who thinks that text is a turn-off from a “simp” ends up single, bitter and bald at 40; or in an angry and sexless marriage with no clue why his wife hates him.
Whoa. This hits close to home, I know someone just like this.
Anonymous
05/31/2022 15:59
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:It was a booty call
This OP. Don't be naive
Anonymous
05/31/2022 15:54
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You're my hero OP!! Good for you.
(Totally agreeing w/ the majority here that this wasn't a genuine attempt at anything of substance from him. A sincere change of heart would be "Hey OP, I have realized just how much I've missed you and I have done a lot of thinking. I'd really love the chance to have a conversation with you about some of how my thinking has evolved, if you would be willing to allow that. I realize you owe me nothing, and fully respect if you'd rather not. In either case I hope you are well and happy." That would get a response. His message OTH is just crap.)
That text would be a huge turn-off and paint him as a total simp.
The man who sends that text ends up happily married (with the recipient or another woman with whom he creates a mature relationship.)
The man who thinks that text is a turn-off from a “simp” ends up single, bitter and bald at 40; or in an angry and sexless marriage with no clue why his wife hates him.
Anonymous
05/31/2022 15:50
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would interpret that as he has moved on, potentially has someone new in his life, but is hoping to be friends.
You’re not good with people are you?
I actually think this is a possibility. There are guys clueless enough who would want to tell OP all about their new committed GF. the “hoping to be friends” thing does mean “keep you on the backburner” or equally likely “serve as the low-stakes way he gets to continue being not fully committed in his new relationship.”
Anonymous
05/31/2022 15:18
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:You're my hero OP!! Good for you.
(Totally agreeing w/ the majority here that this wasn't a genuine attempt at anything of substance from him. A sincere change of heart would be "Hey OP, I have realized just how much I've missed you and I have done a lot of thinking. I'd really love the chance to have a conversation with you about some of how my thinking has evolved, if you would be willing to allow that. I realize you owe me nothing, and fully respect if you'd rather not. In either case I hope you are well and happy." That would get a response. His message OTH is just crap.)
That text would be a huge turn-off and paint him as a total simp.
Anonymous
05/31/2022 11:52
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
You're my hero OP!! Good for you.
(Totally agreeing w/ the majority here that this wasn't a genuine attempt at anything of substance from him. A sincere change of heart would be "Hey OP, I have realized just how much I've missed you and I have done a lot of thinking. I'd really love the chance to have a conversation with you about some of how my thinking has evolved, if you would be willing to allow that. I realize you owe me nothing, and fully respect if you'd rather not. In either case I hope you are well and happy." That would get a response. His message OTH is just crap.)
(Totally agreeing w/ the majority here that this wasn't a genuine attempt at anything of substance from him. A sincere change of heart would be "Hey OP, I have realized just how much I've missed you and I have done a lot of thinking. I'd really love the chance to have a conversation with you about some of how my thinking has evolved, if you would be willing to allow that. I realize you owe me nothing, and fully respect if you'd rather not. In either case I hope you are well and happy." That would get a response. His message OTH is just crap.)
Anonymous
05/31/2022 11:35
Subject: Re:How would you interpret this text from an ex?
NP. I've lived this relationship before. OP is correct to ignore and block. This is what this guy is doing:
He knows OP is into him. She broke it off because he won't commit, and presumably he exhibited other flakey behavior. He put her on the shelf to see if she'd relent and come crawling back to him. She didn't, so he sent her a few texts but she still didn't reply. Not one to be ignored, he wants to key in on her preexisting feelings for him to lure her back in and be the one to dump her.
The wine bottle text is a flashy way to get her attention. It looks romantic. The text has intrigue. He makes it seem like maybe, just maybe, during the ensuing three months he did a 180 and the "things have changed a lot for me" could mean - maybe - that he's really into OP after all. Maybe.
The reality is that text says nothing and commits to nothing and means nothing. Only actual sincere words backed up by actions mean anything. Dollars to donuts if OP got together with this guy again he quickly would disappoint her. Like meet up with her, maybe hook up then afterward talk about this great girl he met and how OP inspired him to seek a deeper relationship - with this other woman.
The wine bottle text is a catfish technique to reel OP in only to get her hopes up then drop her as payback for cutting it off with him and ignoring his texts.
He knows OP is into him. She broke it off because he won't commit, and presumably he exhibited other flakey behavior. He put her on the shelf to see if she'd relent and come crawling back to him. She didn't, so he sent her a few texts but she still didn't reply. Not one to be ignored, he wants to key in on her preexisting feelings for him to lure her back in and be the one to dump her.
The wine bottle text is a flashy way to get her attention. It looks romantic. The text has intrigue. He makes it seem like maybe, just maybe, during the ensuing three months he did a 180 and the "things have changed a lot for me" could mean - maybe - that he's really into OP after all. Maybe.
The reality is that text says nothing and commits to nothing and means nothing. Only actual sincere words backed up by actions mean anything. Dollars to donuts if OP got together with this guy again he quickly would disappoint her. Like meet up with her, maybe hook up then afterward talk about this great girl he met and how OP inspired him to seek a deeper relationship - with this other woman.
The wine bottle text is a catfish technique to reel OP in only to get her hopes up then drop her as payback for cutting it off with him and ignoring his texts.
Anonymous
05/31/2022 10:18
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
The picture and the comment about who gave him the bottle is s hook. OP is much smarter than I was years ago, I would realize he didn’t really want a relationship and block him and he would always find a way to reach out to me with a gift, a picture...etc.. and I would always end up disappointed. It messed me up for a couple of years but I’m stronger and less gullible now.
Anonymous
05/31/2022 09:20
Subject: Re:How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:Last night, he sent me a pic of a wine bottle and glass of wine and said, "I think you got me this bottle! Not sure what stage of life you're at...a lot has changed for me! If you're up for a chat, let me know!"
I think he's being pretty direct OP. It's an eloquent ext and he put some thought into it. Does not sound like he's playing games or looking to just hook up. Only one way to find out, right? If you're not into him any longer, you can meet for coffee or a glass of wine, listen to what he has to say, and be friends. If you're still into him, same as above, and decide if he's worth another try.
LOL no. He is trying to hook OP into getting back with him by being vague and cliffhanger-y, figuring if she takes the bait then he'll get another six months (or whatever) of whatever he wants from her.
Good for OP for not falling for it.
Anonymous
05/31/2022 07:54
Subject: How would you interpret this text from an ex?
Anonymous wrote:He wants to know where the bottle came from.
Lol. Sure.