Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it depends on what you consider a “high earner.” My H makes around 750-850k depending on bonus. But he’s still the same person he’s always been. He’s a very caring, generous, patient person. He’d never expect me to look or act a certain way just because he makes a decent amount of money.

Interestingly, once he made it to senior management, his hours went way down. WFH helps as well with that. He has time to be a very involved, hands on parent. He’s always doing home improvement projects around our house in his spare time. Right now he’s retiling our master bathroom.

This stereotype that high earners are never home, absent fathers, or cheat on their wives is just that - a stereotype.

This is not “rich”

Rich = making millionS a year

I think 750-850K is rich...

Anonymous wrote:I guess it depends on what you consider a “high earner.” My H makes around 750-850k depending on bonus. But he’s still the same person he’s always been. He’s a very caring, generous, patient person. He’d never expect me to look or act a certain way just because he makes a decent amount of money.

Interestingly, once he made it to senior management, his hours went way down. WFH helps as well with that. He has time to be a very involved, hands on parent. He’s always doing home improvement projects around our house in his spare time. Right now he’s retiling our master bathroom.

This stereotype that high earners are never home, absent fathers, or cheat on their wives is just that - a stereotype.

This is not “rich”

Rich = making millionS a year

One more person here who married a Big Law wonderful man. There are trade-offs... long hours, vacation interrupted, unable to take many days off at a time, etc.
I hope you can be happy for your friend.

I guess it depends on what you consider a “high earner.” My H makes around 750-850k depending on bonus. But he’s still the same person he’s always been. He’s a very caring, generous, patient person. He’d never expect me to look or act a certain way just because he makes a decent amount of money.

Interestingly, once he made it to senior management, his hours went way down. WFH helps as well with that. He has time to be a very involved, hands on parent. He’s always doing home improvement projects around our house in his spare time. Right now he’s retiling our master bathroom.

This stereotype that high earners are never home, absent fathers, or cheat on their wives is just that - a stereotype.

Anonymous wrote:Just one period of time. I was crazy envious last year when my friends whose kids were in private school got in person learning.

So jealous. My kids in public school were stuck with Fairfax County’s terrible online learning. I work in a hospital (ICU nurse) and really couldn’t help them much. It was the lowest period of my life.

[Have to add - I now have almost no respect for public school teachers after seeing their disgusting behavior during the 2020-21 school year. My child’s teacher “taught” remotely while taking her two daughters to tennis tournaments around the country. So even when my kiddo went back to school, she learned almost nothing. F-teachers.]

I’m in a better place now. Taking care of people who are dying gives you a different perspective on money and happiness.

With your attitudes towards teachers, your kids deserve the experience they got. Exactly why teachers are leaving the profession.

Just one period of time. I was crazy envious last year when my friends whose kids were in private school got in person learning.

So jealous. My kids in public school were stuck with Fairfax County’s terrible online learning. I work in a hospital (ICU nurse) and really couldn’t help them much. It was the lowest period of my life.

[Have to add - I now have almost no respect for public school teachers after seeing their disgusting behavior during the 2020-21 school year. My child’s teacher “taught” remotely while taking her two daughters to tennis tournaments around the country. So even when my kiddo went back to school, she learned almost nothing. F-teachers.]

I’m in a better place now. Taking care of people who are dying gives you a different perspective on money and happiness.

I was always a little envious of women married to rich men…then I married one. I am overall happy but no happier than when I was divorced with little money. Still have the same anxieties and worries. I just don’t have to worry about how to pay for car repairs, things going wrong in my house, etc.

You always adjust and come back down to your normal happiness level.

This is so weird to me. I totally get having jealous twinges when a friend is succeeding at their career. I am ashamed to admit I have occasionally felt that and have had to work to remind myself that I want the best for my friend and she is awesome. But jealous because they married a rich guy? Totally can’t see it. I was pretty back in the day and could have probably ended up with a rich guy if I had gone all out for that. But it never occurred to me, and I love my kind and giving hubby (who happens to make a good enough salary for us both). Marriage is about so much more than money.

Honestly, not at all. If anything, I’m envious of my female law school classmates who are now biglaw partners themselves. I love my job (in house atty at tech company) but I would love to have that kind of financial flexibility for myself. Plus, I’m surrounded by high achieving women (by and large married to high achieving and successful men) and only one is a SAHM. She seems not that happy and has admitted she dislikes the imbalance in the relationship dynamic and also that her husband is stressed about being the sole source of financial support. Obviously not every relationship is like that, but I personally would never want that life for myself.

We all die.

I make $250K and my husband makes $315K, so we're pretty equal in terms of earnings. We live in a HCOL area and there are plenty of SAHM who drive super expensive cars and live in huge houses and have nannies even though they don't work and it's hard not to be jealous of the financial flexibility that they have. I am grateful for my life, like my job, and am proud of my career trajectory (I'm in my early 30s and I feel like I have quite a bit of room before I peak), but if I'm being honest I would like the option not to work. That said, I dated a lot of hedge fund guys before I met my husband and many of them were not very nice people and I doubt that I'd feel like an equal if I married them, since I never felt like an equal when we were dating. I also found that the guys who I dated had a lot of secrets, whether it was a gambling addiction (one guy would get drunk and tell me that he'd bet $30K on the game) or other women who they were semi-seeing while seeing me. I never felt completely comfortable in those relationships for obvious reasons. And those guys definitely were not emotionally available. They were all kind of train wrecks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best situation is not marrying into it. It’s being born into it.

You can’t choose your parents but you can choose your spouse.

All else being equal, more money > less money.

Amen. I was born wealthy and married a middle earner with a big ego who used me as his beard. He liked to pretend he earned the lifestyle my trust fund allowed. Divorce revealed who was who.

Lol nice!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best situation is not marrying into it. It’s being born into it.

You can’t choose your parents but you can choose your spouse.

All else being equal, more money > less money.

Amen. I was born wealthy and married a middle earner with a big ego who used me as his beard. He liked to pretend he earned the lifestyle my trust fund allowed. Divorce revealed who was who.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a fund manager and he's in good shape and does not really have any of the issues people are complaining about. I guess he works a lot, but mostly from home. I work a lot, too. He does have extremely high expectations, and I feel them as his wife, and our kids definitely feel them, so that's something to consider if you'd prefer to coast through life a bit. OP, if you aren't married yet and you know this matters to you, then limit your dating pool.

NP here, I’m curious what you mean that your husband has extremely high expectations and that you and your kids feel them? In what way- looks, being achievers academically or career for you, athletically?

All of the above, I'm sure. Im not the women whose married to the fund manager but i'm happy she has come out and admit this. Regular women need to know what women who marry wealthy people put up with. EVERYTHING in life comes with a price. The question is ... do you have what it takes???

That implies it “takes” something exceptional. There’s nothing exceptional about being good at being a possession.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a fund manager and he's in good shape and does not really have any of the issues people are complaining about. I guess he works a lot, but mostly from home. I work a lot, too. He does have extremely high expectations, and I feel them as his wife, and our kids definitely feel them, so that's something to consider if you'd prefer to coast through life a bit. OP, if you aren't married yet and you know this matters to you, then limit your dating pool.

NP here, I’m curious what you mean that your husband has extremely high expectations and that you and your kids feel them? In what way- looks, being achievers academically or career for you, athletically?

She means that she swapped financial security for a narcissistic relationship. Her and her children are trotted out as further emblems of his success.