Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 21:55     Subject: Re:I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, our son will have my FIL’s last name. I think that’s enough too.

I really do hate FIL’s name because of a really bad association in my past. I never called my FIL by his first name either, I always called him Pops.

Thanks to those who responded. I’m going to stick to my gut on this. I don’t want to hate my son’s first or middle name.


Good call, OP. This is your first test as a parent. You passed.

There are going to be many, many more moments like this when other people are going to try and push you in directions that don't work for you or for your kid. Everyone thinks the way they raised their kids and their parenting choices are "the way to do it." Even people who haven't parented a young child in decades will INSIST that you give birth like they did, feed like they did, sleep train like they did, name the kid what they want, or whatever. The pushiness comes from every direction - even total strangers - and is especially pronounced in the early years. Learning how to gracefully handle these moments is your first hurdle as a soon-to-be parent.

Good luck and congrats on the new baby!



I don’t think OP should give her child a name that’s repugnant to her. She never called her FIL by his actual name, she found it so repellant.
But not all parenting advice is wrong. As the parent of a teen, I will never forgive myself for not listening to my younger sibling’s advice relating to my DC’s education.
Question of striking the right balance...


Not all parenting advice is wrong, but all attempts to butt in to someone naming their child to dictate a name you prefer are wrong. The only reason to insert yourself is if the name is truly damaging, and even then it doesn’t mean you get to choose instead.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 16:21     Subject: Re:I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, our son will have my FIL’s last name. I think that’s enough too.

I really do hate FIL’s name because of a really bad association in my past. I never called my FIL by his first name either, I always called him Pops.

Thanks to those who responded. I’m going to stick to my gut on this. I don’t want to hate my son’s first or middle name.


Good call, OP. This is your first test as a parent. You passed.

There are going to be many, many more moments like this when other people are going to try and push you in directions that don't work for you or for your kid. Everyone thinks the way they raised their kids and their parenting choices are "the way to do it." Even people who haven't parented a young child in decades will INSIST that you give birth like they did, feed like they did, sleep train like they did, name the kid what they want, or whatever. The pushiness comes from every direction - even total strangers - and is especially pronounced in the early years. Learning how to gracefully handle these moments is your first hurdle as a soon-to-be parent.

Good luck and congrats on the new baby!



I don’t think OP should give her child a name that’s repugnant to her. She never called her FIL by his actual name, she found it so repellant.
But not all parenting advice is wrong. As the parent of a teen, I will never forgive myself for not listening to my younger sibling’s advice relating to my DC’s education.
Question of striking the right balance...
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 16:12     Subject: Re:I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
Option 1: MIL can give birth (if able) and name the child whatever she chooses.
Option 2: MIL’s son (OP husband) can change his name to FIL.
Option 3: MIL can change her name to FIL.
Option 4: MIL renames FIL to the name OP ultimately selects for her baby.
Option 5: MIL can ask OPs child (when legally allowable) to change name to FIL. OP’s child can decide.
Option 6: MYOB.

You want to name a baby?
Become pregnant.
Give birth.
Raise child.
Otherwise, MYOB.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 15:05     Subject: I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
OP stick to your guns. It’s not a good sign that your husband thinks his mother has a place in these discussions and I would nip that in the bud *ASAP*.

You can be patient and gracious about this but the bottom line is that the only person who can unilaterally name the baby is you. Your husband and mother in law are only allowed at the hospital at your preference and you can have Firstname Middlename Lastname of your choice all submitted to the SSA before they even meet the baby. Obviously you wouldn’t do this but if I had family members acting this way I would remind them how little their opinion matters.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 15:02     Subject: Re:I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, our son will have my FIL’s last name. I think that’s enough too.

I really do hate FIL’s name because of a really bad association in my past. I never called my FIL by his first name either, I always called him Pops.

Thanks to those who responded. I’m going to stick to my gut on this. I don’t want to hate my son’s first or middle name.


Good call, OP. This is your first test as a parent. You passed.

There are going to be many, many more moments like this when other people are going to try and push you in directions that don't work for you or for your kid. Everyone thinks the way they raised their kids and their parenting choices are "the way to do it." Even people who haven't parented a young child in decades will INSIST that you give birth like they did, feed like they did, sleep train like they did, name the kid what they want, or whatever. The pushiness comes from every direction - even total strangers - and is especially pronounced in the early years. Learning how to gracefully handle these moments is your first hurdle as a soon-to-be parent.

Good luck and congrats on the new baby!


This is great advice, read it a few more times in the months ahead!
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 13:08     Subject: I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
Practice boundaries Op! This is a very-mini lesson on setting boundaries. Hope you pass the test.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 12:56     Subject: Re:I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
I just had twins and one’s middle name is after my deceased father and the other we just picked because we liked. My MIL is convinced that she picked the other twin’s middle name because she just can’t let it go that we wanted to honor my dad in general and didn’t pick one middle name for one side and one middle name for the other. Everything is so tit for tat like that with his parents, it’s so freaking annoying. I just nod and smile and let her think that she picked my one twin’s middle name. Do what you want, OP, because everyone will change the narrative to fit what they want anyway so might as well go with a name you enjoy.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 12:50     Subject: Re:I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
My brother died a few years before my son was born and my mother really, really wanted me to name my son after my brother. I love my brother and I’ve always loved his unusual name but I didn’t want to be reminded of my loss every time I called my son. So we didn’t give him my brother’s name.

I actually think it was better for my mom, too. It’s so hard to lose someone you love and then hear his name constantly.

Your MIL may think she wants to hear her beloved deceased husband’s name twenty times a day but she may not end up finding that comfortable.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 11:42     Subject: Re:I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, our son will have my FIL’s last name. I think that’s enough too.

I really do hate FIL’s name because of a really bad association in my past. I never called my FIL by his first name either, I always called him Pops.

Thanks to those who responded. I’m going to stick to my gut on this. I don’t want to hate my son’s first or middle name.


Good call, OP. This is your first test as a parent. You passed.

There are going to be many, many more moments like this when other people are going to try and push you in directions that don't work for you or for your kid. Everyone thinks the way they raised their kids and their parenting choices are "the way to do it." Even people who haven't parented a young child in decades will INSIST that you give birth like they did, feed like they did, sleep train like they did, name the kid what they want, or whatever. The pushiness comes from every direction - even total strangers - and is especially pronounced in the early years. Learning how to gracefully handle these moments is your first hurdle as a soon-to-be parent.

Good luck and congrats on the new baby!
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2022 11:31     Subject: Re:I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.
There are a few names I simply dislike for no reason and would not give my baby those names no matter what. DH has the same feeling about certain names and also has the right of veto.

OP is NOT petulant!!! She has a right to veto any name for any reason as does her husband. MIL doesn’t get a say.