Anonymous wrote:How many childless friends do you have?

I don’t know a single person childless because they just didn’t want children. I have all of one friend without children, and while it is by choice, it is largely bc of medical reasons and life circumstances.

People without children usually have a depressing reason why they don’t have children in the first place. Sometimes if you truly know the problems other people are facing, you will gladly keep your own problems

I have at least 3 childless friends by choice. One went as far as getting her tubes coiled after marriage, to not have kids. Not everyone wants to wipe snotty noses and be tired everyday. I love my kids dearly but im am jealous of my well rested carefree childless by choice friends. Maybe jealous is a strong word but damn im tired.

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Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Having children is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in old age. This isn't some sinister warning that kids will grow up and dislike or be resentful of their parents for whatever reason, but they could live halfway around the world from you.

I am child free by choice. I do think it will make old age harder, not having kids. I’m scared for that. But I do think it’s a good idea for someone to spend the bulk of their adulthood raising kids if they don’t want to, just to have kids in old age. That’s not fair for the kids, for one thing.

I had to check the timestamp for this post because it sounds like exactly what I say, and think. I do think that older age - if we get to live that long (knock wood) - will be worse because we don't have kids. I try to think through how I will manage, and I don't always have good answers. But I also didn't think it was wise to have kids, just for the hope of an easier old age. It seemed like a bad bargain. Ask me in 25 years how I feel, I guess - today, late 40s, I feel good about the decision. Scared, as PP said, of old age; comfortable in middle age.

Most kids don't want to take care of aging parents, and don't. Nursing homes are filled with mostly old people that have kids somewhere. I love my kids and hope we continue to have great relationships as when they move into adulthood. But I don't want or expect them to take on the burden of caring for me in old age.

Anonymous wrote:I was a fence-sitter who decided to have one kid. Yes, I still envy childless people a great deal (but I know I'm in the thick of the rough stuff - terrible 2s). I don't regret my choice but there's a reason I stopped at one - I know my capacity!

What I've done to address it is 1) acknowledge this is long but temporary (empty nest years will be when I'm in my 40s. still plenty of time for carefree just-us travel) and 2) throw $$ and energy at the challenge -- date nights every single week, trips away without child (not all the time, but regularly), keep up career and hobbies.

and a third thing I did -- raise my child to be in an adult-led environment. She is a good sleeper, eater, potty user and traveller because I need her to be for me to be happy.

I was a fence-sitter who decided to have one kid. Yes, I still envy childless people a great deal (but I know I'm in the thick of the rough stuff - terrible 2s). I don't regret my choice but there's a reason I stopped at one - I know my capacity!

What I've done to address it is 1) acknowledge this is long but temporary (empty nest years will be when I'm in my 40s. still plenty of time for carefree just-us travel) and 2) throw $$ and energy at the challenge -- date nights every single week, trips away without child (not all the time, but regularly), keep up career and hobbies.

Anonymous wrote:How many childless friends do you have?

I don’t know a single person childless because they just didn’t want children. I have all of one friend without children, and while it is by choice, it is largely bc of medical reasons and life circumstances.

People without children usually have a depressing reason why they don’t have children in the first place. Sometimes if you truly know the problems other people are facing, you will gladly keep your own problems

Depressing reason? Nope, like binge watching tc, sleeping in and not cleaning up vomit at 2 am. Lots of teachers don’t have kids because down time is important and you don’t get any as a parent.

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Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Having children is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in old age. This isn't some sinister warning that kids will grow up and dislike or be resentful of their parents for whatever reason, but they could live halfway around the world from you.

I am child free by choice. I do think it will make old age harder, not having kids. I’m scared for that. But I do think it’s a good idea for someone to spend the bulk of their adulthood raising kids if they don’t want to, just to have kids in old age. That’s not fair for the kids, for one thing.

I had to check the timestamp for this post because it sounds like exactly what I say, and think. I do think that older age - if we get to live that long (knock wood) - will be worse because we don't have kids. I try to think through how I will manage, and I don't always have good answers. But I also didn't think it was wise to have kids, just for the hope of an easier old age. It seemed like a bad bargain. Ask me in 25 years how I feel, I guess - today, late 40s, I feel good about the decision. Scared, as PP said, of old age; comfortable in middle age.

All the more to take better care of yourself before you let yourself go completely.

You realized it too late OP -

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Having children is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in old age. This isn't some sinister warning that kids will grow up and dislike or be resentful of their parents for whatever reason, but they could live halfway around the world from you.

I am child free by choice. I do think it will make old age harder, not having kids. I’m scared for that. But I do think it’s a good idea for someone to spend the bulk of their adulthood raising kids if they don’t want to, just to have kids in old age. That’s not fair for the kids, for one thing.

There's a vocal movement called 'antinatalism' that points out that it's unethical to create new life. The idea of having children to care for someone in old age is really exploitation.

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Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. So much. It’s been an incredibly difficult few years and especially for those parenting little little kids, there are different implications. Yes, teens may be harder but seriously right now so many of us are just sucked dry. Hang in.

NP, but this is me. I have a toddler and a Kindergartener,. We dealt with years of infertility, so I am insanely grateful and have no desire to be childfree...but the last few years have been intense, with no breaks at all, and I'm fried.
My friends with older kids have different worries, but they all seem to have more time to themselves and aren't "on" 24/7/365.

This was me. I’m so glad I enjoyed most every moment when they were young even while DH was gone so much with work for long periods. Teenage and college years have been hellacious. You never know what life will throw you or your kids. , please know it could be 1000x worse. Count your blessings and practice gratitude hourly if needed.

We may look like we have more time to ourselves but mentally we are dealing with so much more than you’ll know, until you’re in the same position, which honestly hopefully you won’t because it’s beyond brutal. Covid, social media and the political culture have wrecked havoc for many of our young adults.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Having children is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in old age. This isn't some sinister warning that kids will grow up and dislike or be resentful of their parents for whatever reason, but they could live halfway around the world from you.

I am child free by choice. I do think it will make old age harder, not having kids. I’m scared for that. But I do think it’s a good idea for someone to spend the bulk of their adulthood raising kids if they don’t want to, just to have kids in old age. That’s not fair for the kids, for one thing.

I had to check the timestamp for this post because it sounds like exactly what I say, and think. I do think that older age - if we get to live that long (knock wood) - will be worse because we don't have kids. I try to think through how I will manage, and I don't always have good answers. But I also didn't think it was wise to have kids, just for the hope of an easier old age. It seemed like a bad bargain. Ask me in 25 years how I feel, I guess - today, late 40s, I feel good about the decision. Scared, as PP said, of old age; comfortable in middle age.

This is an interesting perspective. I have two kids but my old age was not a consideration. I know too many people who are lonely in their old age with only an occasional call or visit from their kids. As well as some weirdos whose kids would love them to move closer or at least visit more frequently to get to know their grandkids, but they have no desire to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only jealous financially.

+1
Other than financially, I pity them.

No need, we’re doing great!

Tell me that when you're 80 and alone and all your friends are dead.

Having children is not a guarantee that you won't be alone in old age. This isn't some sinister warning that kids will grow up and dislike or be resentful of their parents for whatever reason, but they could live halfway around the world from you.

I am child free by choice. I do think it will make old age harder, not having kids. I’m scared for that. But I do think it’s a good idea for someone to spend the bulk of their adulthood raising kids if they don’t want to, just to have kids in old age. That’s not fair for the kids, for one thing.

I had to check the timestamp for this post because it sounds like exactly what I say, and think. I do think that older age - if we get to live that long (knock wood) - will be worse because we don't have kids. I try to think through how I will manage, and I don't always have good answers. But I also didn't think it was wise to have kids, just for the hope of an easier old age. It seemed like a bad bargain. Ask me in 25 years how I feel, I guess - today, late 40s, I feel good about the decision. Scared, as PP said, of old age; comfortable in middle age.

How old are you, OP? I had my first at 40 and second at 42. I think because I waited so long and did so much pre-kids that I don’t envy my friends who chose not to have children. Now that my youngest is 18 months and nearly weaned, I feel ready to switch jobs from working at home with a small company to going into a bigger company with more money and opportunity.

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Anonymous wrote:Same OP same…I’ll go further and say some days I cry and cry about it because my friends get to travel and I see their smiling rested faces with beautiful backgrounds and decadent meals. I just ate a half pbj sandwich in 3.56 minutes and from the moment I wake up someone asks for something is crying about something is touching me.

I am so, so tired and then I feel guilty for how I feel. I am jealous of childless people, they are very lucky indeed.

BIG hugs from a childfree internet stranger, PP. If I were your friend IRL I'd come over and help out to give you a much-needed break (seriously!)

I am a mom and I have no sympathy for this mommy martyr. Manage your time better. Being a mom doesn’t mean only eating pb and j.

Yeah not to be harsh but I agree. And I have little kids too. Unless PP is in a very dire circumstance, she is doing something wrong.

I wrote this post and just had my second that has major health issues that require my toddler to be home for the next few weeks and my husband is working away from home. I appreciate the PP hugs, it was a kind message in a very low day when I wrote that yesterday.

But I’m glad you all are doing better than me and have forgotten how it is to have a 1 month old and a 3 year old.

And back to the topic, I love seeing my friends’ travel photos and delicious meals, gives me hope for years down the road maybe and some pangs of jealousy but happy for them jealousy.

I am the “harsh” poster and now I feel like an a-hole Sorry PP! I wish you the best in your trying situation.

Thanks that’s okay, I appreciate the apology even if anonymous. We had some not so good news from the specialists yesterday so I just felt so bad that I wanted to be happy again like pre-kids that’s why I clicked on this thread. And because I spend so much with my newborn I wanted to maximize any nap time with toddler so ended up eating half his pbj.

My sister is childfree by choice and she used to make me baked goodies with my first I miss that. She is indeed traveling now. Sigh but I have this site for camaraderie as I’m nursing.

No sympathy poster here. I am sorry to hear about your child’s health issue and I hope things start looking up soon. Having someone drop off baked goods sounds awesome. In the meantime, may I suggest a “mug cake”? It’s obviously not the healthiest but it takes only a few minutes to make (you microwave it) and since it’s only one serving you won’t spend the next three days eating junk food to finish it.

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Anonymous wrote:Same OP same…I’ll go further and say some days I cry and cry about it because my friends get to travel and I see their smiling rested faces with beautiful backgrounds and decadent meals. I just ate a half pbj sandwich in 3.56 minutes and from the moment I wake up someone asks for something is crying about something is touching me.

I am so, so tired and then I feel guilty for how I feel. I am jealous of childless people, they are very lucky indeed.

BIG hugs from a childfree internet stranger, PP. If I were your friend IRL I'd come over and help out to give you a much-needed break (seriously!)

I am a mom and I have no sympathy for this mommy martyr. Manage your time better. Being a mom doesn’t mean only eating pb and j.

Yeah not to be harsh but I agree. And I have little kids too. Unless PP is in a very dire circumstance, she is doing something wrong.

I wrote this post and just had my second that has major health issues that require my toddler to be home for the next few weeks and my husband is working away from home. I appreciate the PP hugs, it was a kind message in a very low day when I wrote that yesterday.

But I’m glad you all are doing better than me and have forgotten how it is to have a 1 month old and a 3 year old.

And back to the topic, I love seeing my friends’ travel photos and delicious meals, gives me hope for years down the road maybe and some pangs of jealousy but happy for them jealousy.

I am the “harsh” poster and now I feel like an a-hole Sorry PP! I wish you the best in your trying situation.

Thanks that’s okay, I appreciate the apology even if anonymous. We had some not so good news from the specialists yesterday so I just felt so bad that I wanted to be happy again like pre-kids that’s why I clicked on this thread. And because I spend so much with my newborn I wanted to maximize any nap time with toddler so ended up eating half his pbj.

My sister is childfree by choice and she used to make me baked goodies with my first I miss that. She is indeed traveling now. Sigh but I have this site for camaraderie as I’m nursing.

“It’s not having what you want. It’s wanting what you’ve got.” —Sheryl Crowe