Anonymous
03/27/2022 13:08
Subject: Re:Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
I can’t figure out if the dad actually lives at the beach house or just goes there frequently for vacation, but regardless, I do understand OPs frustration. We have a similar property set up with in-laws who have owned a beach condo forever. We bought one in the same complex in part because it was hard to get time with four families sharing it. I think at first my in-laws assumed we would no longer use theirs much since we had our own, but we made a point of letting them know we would be asking to use it regularly as our place is not large enough for our family and any guest family we might invite with more than 3 people.
Over the years we’ve had it, we’ve arranged to vacation at the same time as MIL and FIL or with one or both sets of DH’s siblings and kids. We’ve also stayed in the original condo many times while our friends stayed in ours. Sometimes we let DH’s siblings use ours if they want to vacation with their friends. Arranging these get togethers has made it clear to everyone that we still see ourselves as future part owners of the original condo, and sharing ours with the extended family works to build good will. If I were OP, I’d start by trying to do something similar if the dad is ok with it. Like maybe planning a family reunion with the west coast brother with folks from each family in each beach place. We love and respect all our extended family though, unlike OP.
Over the years we’ve had it, we’ve arranged to vacation at the same time as MIL and FIL or with one or both sets of DH’s siblings and kids. We’ve also stayed in the original condo many times while our friends stayed in ours. Sometimes we let DH’s siblings use ours if they want to vacation with their friends. Arranging these get togethers has made it clear to everyone that we still see ourselves as future part owners of the original condo, and sharing ours with the extended family works to build good will. If I were OP, I’d start by trying to do something similar if the dad is ok with it. Like maybe planning a family reunion with the west coast brother with folks from each family in each beach place. We love and respect all our extended family though, unlike OP.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 13:07
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your Dad should sell the house and find a nice one bedroom to live quietly. You and your sister both sound like dipshits. Why should he even put up with you two? No wonder your brother lives far away.
Why should dad sel the beach house just because OP is a money grubber?
You sound like an encroaching, manipulative sister!
Anonymous
03/27/2022 13:06
Subject: Re:Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:How old is your father, OP?
It’s hard to tell if the sister is really mooching or manipulating at this point. Maybe she’s cleaning the house and saving your father the cost of a weekly housekeeper and provides some company. How often do you visit him and offer to help now that your Mom is gone?
She may be unemployed, but as a couple the sister and her husband may have been able to save up enough money to afford to buy you and your brother out — a down payment for $666K + mortgage for a $1M beach house is much easier than buying a $1M house at full price. Why begrudge her that opportunity if you’ll be getting your fair share of the estate. Did you want to buy out your siblings and have two beach houses?
OP has a valid point that any proceeds from the beach house, should it be sold, would be 1/3 each. Sister is not acting as if this is a possibility.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:55
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
OP, I'm one of three siblings who inherited a family beach house when our dad died. Unfortunately it is hard to have joint ownership of a home with siblings.
We had a mostly great relationship for the most part, which has gone way downhill almost entirely because of the house. It's not exactly the same as what you're dealing with, but petty things can become really irritating, money becomes an issue (how can it not be!) and there's no real way to be totally even-handed.
We had a mostly great relationship for the most part, which has gone way downhill almost entirely because of the house. It's not exactly the same as what you're dealing with, but petty things can become really irritating, money becomes an issue (how can it not be!) and there's no real way to be totally even-handed.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:47
Subject: Re:Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
How old is your father, OP?
It’s hard to tell if the sister is really mooching or manipulating at this point. Maybe she’s cleaning the house and saving your father the cost of a weekly housekeeper and provides some company. How often do you visit him and offer to help now that your Mom is gone?
She may be unemployed, but as a couple the sister and her husband may have been able to save up enough money to afford to buy you and your brother out — a down payment for $666K + mortgage for a $1M beach house is much easier than buying a $1M house at full price. Why begrudge her that opportunity if you’ll be getting your fair share of the estate. Did you want to buy out your siblings and have two beach houses?
It’s hard to tell if the sister is really mooching or manipulating at this point. Maybe she’s cleaning the house and saving your father the cost of a weekly housekeeper and provides some company. How often do you visit him and offer to help now that your Mom is gone?
She may be unemployed, but as a couple the sister and her husband may have been able to save up enough money to afford to buy you and your brother out — a down payment for $666K + mortgage for a $1M beach house is much easier than buying a $1M house at full price. Why begrudge her that opportunity if you’ll be getting your fair share of the estate. Did you want to buy out your siblings and have two beach houses?
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:46
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
The issue is actually your dad. If he cares about sibling relationships, he will figure out what is fair and tell you all in advance. If your sister has agreed to help care for him, he should have that in writing and what she will be reimbursed for that. If part of that deal is she gets the house, it's his job to tell you all and put it in writing. Yes, parents can do whatever they want. They can also sabotage their kids' relationships.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:41
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:Beach house has been in the family for nearly 50 years. It's a little shabby but the land alone is worth over one million dollars. My husband and I purchased our own beach house nearby, on a slightly less valuable but still expensive parcel. It was not easy financially and we sacrifice a lot to make that happen, so we and our children are close to our parents (now it's just my dad). Ever since we bought that second home, and especially since my mom died, my sister and her husband have acted more in control of my parents' beach house, including vetoing painting decisions, remodeling projects, even making my dad have a contractor re-do something they didn't like. My dad is sharp and of sound mind, he doesn't need their aid. They are giving off the arrogant posture that they 'own the place' and/or plan to inherit it.
Also, my sister and I also used to always tell each other when we'd be out there but sister has been making more secret trips; as in, my dad and I talk every night and he will casually share she's there but she never mentioned going to me. When the time comes, my dad's estate will be split equally three ways (we have a brother who lives on the west coast). I have no interest in charitably giving her a million+ beach house. Should I be concerned they're making a move on my dad's beach house? Should I tell her to back-off in general? It's a strange side to my sister that I'm just increasingly uncomfortable with.
Why aren't you helping dad, sounds like you're the entitled one not her
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:38
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.
He's living there.
So you’re complaining that your sister is frequently visiting your father at his home with his full permission? That’s even worse.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:36
Subject: Re:Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.
Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.
This.
Get over yourself.
Your dad probably appreciates their help and likes having them around.
Your sister doesn’t have to tell you her whereabouts.
If the house is "shabby" it needs to be maintained and updated regardless.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:35
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:Your Dad should sell the house and find a nice one bedroom to live quietly. You and your sister both sound like dipshits. Why should he even put up with you two? No wonder your brother lives far away.
+1
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:30
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:Your Dad should sell the house and find a nice one bedroom to live quietly. You and your sister both sound like dipshits. Why should he even put up with you two? No wonder your brother lives far away.
Why should dad sel the beach house just because OP is a money grubber?
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:28
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Your Dad should sell the house and find a nice one bedroom to live quietly. You and your sister both sound like dipshits. Why should he even put up with you two? No wonder your brother lives far away.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:28
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.
He's living there.
OP, you are getting beat up because it is hard to tell from your description what exactly your sister is doing. Isn't your sister visiting your dad with his permission? Why does she need to check in with you and your brother when goes to visit your dad? It doesn't make a ton of sense. I think it is fine to start having conversations about what will happen to the house when your dad passes so you know everyone's expectations.
1. Instead of working to buy her own, she and husband act like they own his beach house.
2. "Calling the shots" like it's hers or as if she's paying for anything, including making dad pay to have something redone to their specifications.
3. Separately, but worth mentioning, maybe this behavior signals she is laying the groundwork to get the house in her name soon (pre-death) or in his estate instead of his estate being divided equally among three siblings.
OP, either let it go and fight her when dad is gone, or talk to da (NOT HER) about it now). Nothing to stop you from drawing up a fair and equitable will with dad.
LOL, actually OP gets zero say in her dad’s will.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Legally, OP gets no say in the will. If she gets him to draft it a certain way and it comes out that she exerted undue influence, that can be grounds to invalidate the will.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:27
Subject: Re:Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
OP, how much do you do for your dad? How much time do you spend visiting him? How much help have you provided with these renovations? I am really curious to know on what basis you believe you are entitled to a stake in the beach house now.
Anonymous
03/27/2022 12:26
Subject: Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.
He's living there.
OP, you are getting beat up because it is hard to tell from your description what exactly your sister is doing. Isn't your sister visiting your dad with his permission? Why does she need to check in with you and your brother when goes to visit your dad? It doesn't make a ton of sense. I think it is fine to start having conversations about what will happen to the house when your dad passes so you know everyone's expectations.
1. Instead of working to buy her own, she and husband act like they own his beach house.
2. "Calling the shots" like it's hers or as if she's paying for anything, including making dad pay to have something redone to their specifications.
3. Separately, but worth mentioning, maybe this behavior signals she is laying the groundwork to get the house in her name soon (pre-death) or in his estate instead of his estate being divided equally among three siblings.
OP, either let it go and fight her when dad is gone, or talk to da (NOT HER) about it now). Nothing to stop you from drawing up a fair and equitable will with dad.
LOL, actually OP gets zero say in her dad’s will.
Maybe. Maybe not.