Anonymous
Post 03/16/2022 23:02     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
If you don't learn to speak up on the first date, you're headed for big, big tragedy.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2022 12:28     Subject: Re:Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: It takes a certain kind of guy to invite a girl to play pool in a dive bar for a first date. Some girls would love that, some would not. A girl that comes on DCUM to crowdsource what to do in dating situations is an especially bad fit for a guy who invites girls to shoot pool on first dates. No judgment on either of you, but you are not a good match and I suggest not wasting each other’s time.


This. You’re not a match, don’t waste your time.


Yep.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2022 12:22     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am not generally a dive bar fan, don’t play pool, & my first dates have generally been for drinks somewhere nice or dinner. And my dates always pay, etc. I’m pretty good at screening so never had a horrible date.

But I would still prefer this idea than a coffee date, which is pretty much an automatic decline for me. Generic, cheap, something I’d do with a colleague I barely no ugh.

Don’t go if you don’t want but maybe the guy is trying to come up with something different than the usually dinner date. Don’t read into it… it’s a date, maybe you’ll think he’s a big no in person, maybe you’ll have a ton of fun & your next date will be an expensive dinner somewhere.

Have you never met someone that you just have fun with EVERYWHERE? I had an amazing date during the beginning of Covid where we walked my dog together, he was charming and fun.

Live a little, try new things



Despite ending with the "we just walked my dog and it was a great date" stuff, the taste for expensive meals out, plus the disdain for the "cheap" option of meeting for coffee, pretty much show us your priorities. You're encouraging OP to try pool not because it's different and fun, truly, but because maybe the next date "will be an expensive dinner somewhere."

And your focus on "my dates always pay" is...antique. At best.

You also fail to understand that a "coffee date" is not about being cheap. It's about meeting someone, often someone you've never met before if it's from online dating, in a public place where you can converse and also have the ability to leave very easily if things are not going well, the other person gives off a strange vibe, or you just are not clicking at conversation. THAT, and not the "cheapness," is the point. It's much harder simply to bow out of those expensive first date dinners you seem to prefer.

I suspect you'd come back to protest that since you are, in your own estimation, "pretty good at screening," you don't need do do initial vetting on cheap coffee dates and you deserve great meals on the very first date. Super for you. Not at all helpful for OP, other than you advise her to go ahead with the pool date as a down payment on that expensive date next time....


DP, but what?
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2022 10:54     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:I am not generally a dive bar fan, don’t play pool, & my first dates have generally been for drinks somewhere nice or dinner. And my dates always pay, etc. I’m pretty good at screening so never had a horrible date.

But I would still prefer this idea than a coffee date, which is pretty much an automatic decline for me. Generic, cheap, something I’d do with a colleague I barely no ugh.

Don’t go if you don’t want but maybe the guy is trying to come up with something different than the usually dinner date. Don’t read into it… it’s a date, maybe you’ll think he’s a big no in person, maybe you’ll have a ton of fun & your next date will be an expensive dinner somewhere.

Have you never met someone that you just have fun with EVERYWHERE? I had an amazing date during the beginning of Covid where we walked my dog together, he was charming and fun.

Live a little, try new things



Despite ending with the "we just walked my dog and it was a great date" stuff, the taste for expensive meals out, plus the disdain for the "cheap" option of meeting for coffee, pretty much show us your priorities. You're encouraging OP to try pool not because it's different and fun, truly, but because maybe the next date "will be an expensive dinner somewhere."

And your focus on "my dates always pay" is...antique. At best.

You also fail to understand that a "coffee date" is not about being cheap. It's about meeting someone, often someone you've never met before if it's from online dating, in a public place where you can converse and also have the ability to leave very easily if things are not going well, the other person gives off a strange vibe, or you just are not clicking at conversation. THAT, and not the "cheapness," is the point. It's much harder simply to bow out of those expensive first date dinners you seem to prefer.

I suspect you'd come back to protest that since you are, in your own estimation, "pretty good at screening," you don't need do do initial vetting on cheap coffee dates and you deserve great meals on the very first date. Super for you. Not at all helpful for OP, other than you advise her to go ahead with the pool date as a down payment on that expensive date next time....
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2022 10:03     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“I don’t like you that much to agree to pool. Can we do x instead?”

I live in the suburbs and so many guys would invite me into dc for a date (totally normal) but I didn’t have the energy to do that for a first date and used the above line more or less and the guys that were worth my time didn’t care at all to travel to the burbs. It felt high maintenance on my part but I also didn’t care. Going into dc wasn’t worth the hassle.


Omg who would go out with someone who led with this line? There are a million other things to say.


Because it is flirty. I think it is fine.


That's not flirty at all. That's downright rude.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2022 10:01     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you want to go? What type of place is it? I’d probably still go…


It's to play pool. I hate pool, and the place looks sketch.


I don't play pool and sketch is not cool.

Recommend something else. Bowling?


I think it's fine to say "I'd love to get together but pool isn't really my thing. How about X instead?" You can trying to think of a different activity, or just suggest grabbing a drink or coffee. It's possible they are trying to come up with a "cool" date idea and will not like that you won't want to go, but if that's the case you probably aren't compatible anyway. But if you are saying no to their idea I think it's polite to suggest a new idea along with a place so they don't have to keep guessing what you might like.


YES. Don't just say no, come up with a comparable alternative. And be honest about why you'd like to change the plans, b/c if they are really into pool and you aren't this might not be a good match. If they just think pool is fun sometimes, then it's all fine, and they'll know you have other preferences.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2022 09:56     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
I went on a first date this past weekend and it was great. I'm a mid-40s guy. I actually asked her if she played pool without mentioning that I was thinking of asking her to meet up at Crystal city for drinks and pool. Usually, before I make plans, I screen out to see what my date might enjoy and what she won't. She said she's played it before and hasn't and would love to try again. So we went and had a blast. I'm no good, and neither was she. And it was not cheap. By the time you add drinks, appetizers, and a few rounds of pool, it adds up.

After that, we walked to another bar and hung out. Overall, we spent 6 hours together talking, playing, and flirting.

So, maybe go, play a round or two, and then suggest going somewhere else.
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2022 04:41     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
I am not generally a dive bar fan, don’t play pool, & my first dates have generally been for drinks somewhere nice or dinner. And my dates always pay, etc. I’m pretty good at screening so never had a horrible date.

But I would still prefer this idea than a coffee date, which is pretty much an automatic decline for me. Generic, cheap, something I’d do with a colleague I barely no ugh.

Don’t go if you don’t want but maybe the guy is trying to come up with something different than the usually dinner date. Don’t read into it… it’s a date, maybe you’ll think he’s a big no in person, maybe you’ll have a ton of fun & your next date will be an expensive dinner somewhere.

Have you never met someone that you just have fun with EVERYWHERE? I had an amazing date during the beginning of Covid where we walked my dog together, he was charming and fun.

Live a little, try new things
Anonymous
Post 03/14/2022 03:12     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:Ha my husband and I played pool on our first date - and it was my idea!

That being said, I think it's fine to suggest other ideas and I also wouldn't assume he is some kind of pool playing addict from the invite.


+1
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2022 21:31     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not that there's something wrong with asking for a chance, but I would be put off by it

I'd likely agree to the change but it's something I'd take note of and monitor.


Hahaha. “Monitor” … what the heck?


Yes monitor for general inflexibility or general ahole behavior. I also red flag responses like yours


Because he suggested a certain date? Jeez.

She can use her words and say, "thanks for suggesting it, how about a coffee date to start?"



Are you offended by my use of “heck?”

You should really improve your reading comprehension before you try to come for people.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2022 20:36     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not that there's something wrong with asking for a chance, but I would be put off by it

I'd likely agree to the change but it's something I'd take note of and monitor.


Hahaha. “Monitor” … what the heck?


Yes monitor for general inflexibility or general ahole behavior. I also red flag responses like yours


Because he suggested a certain date? Jeez.

She can use her words and say, "thanks for suggesting it, how about a coffee date to start?"



You should really improve your reading comprehension before you try to come for people.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2022 20:32     Subject: Don't like First Date Idea
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not that there's something wrong with asking for a chance, but I would be put off by it

I'd likely agree to the change but it's something I'd take note of and monitor.


Hahaha. “Monitor” … what the heck?


Yes monitor for general inflexibility or general ahole behavior. I also red flag responses like yours


Because he suggested a certain date? Jeez.

She can use her words and say, "thanks for suggesting it, how about a coffee date to start?"