Anonymous wrote:We do it. Nanny, outsourcing a lot, and not a lot of sleep/personal time for either of us. To be honest, if I could get in a time machine, I would take a step back once my second kid was born. We do well financially and that has been nice but not like DCUM rich well, so I don't know that the juice is worth the squeeze, so to speak. However, we look at our expenses and don't see a logical way for one of us to cut back and keep some of the things we now see as "needs" that probably aren't. YMMV.

This is a honest perspective, which is not a common occurring on such threads.

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what kind of nonprofit is this? I’ve not heard of one that pays $180k for a position 3-4 layers down from the C suite. In your OP, I thought you were talking about a position reporting directly to a C-level exec. Thx!

Probably one that is akin to a nearly billion dollar annual organization--a place like The Nature Conservancy, perhaps.

If ambitious men does have supportive wives, they tend to find that support from another woman in their proximity, usually a co-worker.

Most accomplished men and now women with demanding careers prefer SAHP not because they can’t afford daycare or cleaning service but because they need someone to run their lives while they climb professional ladder.

Behind most successful and ambitious individuals, there are low ambition and supportive spouses keeping them sane by sharing lion’s share of real life. Some are low ambition to begin with but most compromise and step up to become the pillar their family needs.

Anonymous wrote:We do it. Nanny, outsourcing a lot, and not a lot of sleep/personal time for either of us. To be honest, if I could get in a time machine, I would take a step back once my second kid was born. We do well financially and that has been nice but not like DCUM rich well, so I don't know that the juice is worth the squeeze, so to speak. However, we look at our expenses and don't see a logical way for one of us to cut back and keep some of the things we now see as "needs" that probably aren't. YMMV.

NP. A lot of wisdom here. Thanks for writing that. What are the things you see as needs that probably aren't, but are hard to give up. This is something that I don't think we all talk about enough.

We do it. Nanny, outsourcing a lot, and not a lot of sleep/personal time for either of us. To be honest, if I could get in a time machine, I would take a step back once my second kid was born. We do well financially and that has been nice but not like DCUM rich well, so I don't know that the juice is worth the squeeze, so to speak. However, we look at our expenses and don't see a logical way for one of us to cut back and keep some of the things we now see as "needs" that probably aren't. YMMV.

I have full time help from 8am to 6pm, including a separate nanny for each of my 5 children. I take off one day a week to be home, not always the same day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you can do it! lots of families work those hours earning a lot less money and they make it work. Your kids are mostly in school when you are working so you are not missing too much. I think it's important for kids to see their moms as individuals with their own ambitions, not just someone the cleans up after them and satisfies their every whim.

A 2 year old is not “mostly in school” during those hours.

BTW, nice fly by dig at SAHPs.

DP but how exactly could a person phrase it that you wouldn’t think it was a dig? The underlying observation is obviously correct.

Also a DP, but a SAHP need not be looked at as just "someone the [sic] cleans up after them and satisfies their every whim." A SAHP could and should be looked at as someone who is there to be with the kids when they are not in school -- to talk, bond, advise, etc. And someone who makes food need not be looked at as a maid. That is one of the nicest and most nurturing things a parent can do for a child.

In fact, I find (from observation) that it is the two working parents who are far more indulgent and spoiling of kids, and I suspect it is because they don't want to play the role of disciplinarian when they have so little time with the kids. And most kids don't care and are not impressed with a parent who is just some mid-level fed schlunk or "senior director of marketing" or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something has to give since you only have so many hours a day. Both DH and I are physicians. We both work 3 days a week with minimal call and weekends. It’s a great work-life balance for us. We would make a lot more money working more days but having a calm home with no chores when one of us gets home is really nice. Kids are teens now and so we have more time for exercise and hobbies.

But I would assume you are well into your careers in order to be able to work only 3 days a week and still make a good salary.

DP. They could be at any stage of their careers as long as they are out of residency. They might even work for themselves and have concierge or cash practices and dictate their own pay and schedule.

Anonymous wrote:Something has to give since you only have so many hours a day. Both DH and I are physicians. We both work 3 days a week with minimal call and weekends. It’s a great work-life balance for us. We would make a lot more money working more days but having a calm home with no chores when one of us gets home is really nice. Kids are teens now and so we have more time for exercise and hobbies.

But I would assume you are well into your careers in order to be able to work only 3 days a week and still make a good salary.

Something has to give since you only have so many hours a day. Both DH and I are physicians. We both work 3 days a week with minimal call and weekends. It’s a great work-life balance for us. We would make a lot more money working more days but having a calm home with no chores when one of us gets home is really nice. Kids are teens now and so we have more time for exercise and hobbies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you can do it! lots of families work those hours earning a lot less money and they make it work. Your kids are mostly in school when you are working so you are not missing too much. I think it's important for kids to see their moms as individuals with their own ambitions, not just someone the cleans up after them and satisfies their every whim.

A 2 year old is not “mostly in school” during those hours.

BTW, nice fly by dig at SAHPs.

DP but how exactly could a person phrase it that you wouldn’t think it was a dig? The underlying observation is obviously correct.

sounds like you want to do it. 40-45 hours is not terrible. With some outsourcing of tasks you can do it!

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, what kind of nonprofit is this? I’ve not heard of one that pays $180k for a position 3-4 layers down from the C suite. In your OP, I thought you were talking about a position reporting directly to a C-level exec. Thx!

Op here - from what I am understanding this role is a director that reports to c level execs.

Anonymous wrote:you can do it! lots of families work those hours earning a lot less money and they make it work. Your kids are mostly in school when you are working so you are not missing too much. I think it's important for kids to see their moms as individuals with their own ambitions, not just someone the cleans up after them and satisfies their every whim.

A 2 year old is not “mostly in school” during those hours.

BTW, nice fly by dig at SAHPs.