Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP and finding it interesting how the people in favor of locating siblings who were given for adoption seem to feel at least mostly sure that the newly found sibling will want the contact and maybe a relationship. What if you locate this person only to be rejected? Will you pursue them, or wait but still hope they "come around?" Asking seriously. I figure that if they're in a genetic database they might also be seeking relatives, and might therefore be assumed to be open to contact and possibly a relationship. But that's not a given, even if they've used Ancestry or 23 and Me. Or they could regret doing the genetic testing and might back off once the reality of "found" siblings comes along. What if it blows up their world to have someone contact them and say they're a sibling? How do you, as the person doing the "finding," think you'll react if you're treated coolly, or even told to back off? Asking seriously. Not everyone wants to be found or wants to know their story, as someone above calls it.

OP here, I have put myself out there, if sibling also joins the database I will reach out ... if they "reject" my offer of connection, I will respect that - but they will know that I am here if ever they want to learn about their biological beginnings

If there are unknown siblings out there, a person doesn't even necessarily have to have taken a test or anything. If someone is looking, these sibling will be located. All anyone needs is one relative in any extended direction, and records will do the rest. And it will happen. That information is always going to come to light now. For those who did a test for fun, and kept their status on view in order to connect with known relatives with no expectation of finding half or full siblings, well, that's probably uncomfortable or even devastating, but maybe even happy, but it is what it is. The unknown sibling may, in fact, contact these people, and the following can happen:

The siblings can acknowledge each other without anything else, or acknowledge each other and form an acquaintance, or relationship, or whatever. Both parties can say no to all of the above, but, yes, there is a expectation of acknowledgement . " We are siblings and this is why..."

The problem isn't with the test, or the adopted sibling. The problem is the crazy idea that this must all be a secret. This affects not only the parties here, but all generations backward and foward. No one is forced to have a relationship, but no one will be forced, anymore, in keeping these things quiet.

Anonymous wrote:
NP and finding it interesting how the people in favor of locating siblings who were given for adoption seem to feel at least mostly sure that the newly found sibling will want the contact and maybe a relationship. What if you locate this person only to be rejected? Will you pursue them, or wait but still hope they "come around?" Asking seriously. I figure that if they're in a genetic database they might also be seeking relatives, and might therefore be assumed to be open to contact and possibly a relationship. But that's not a given, even if they've used Ancestry or 23 and Me. Or they could regret doing the genetic testing and might back off once the reality of "found" siblings comes along. What if it blows up their world to have someone contact them and say they're a sibling? How do you, as the person doing the "finding," think you'll react if you're treated coolly, or even told to back off? Asking seriously. Not everyone wants to be found or wants to know their story, as someone above calls it.

OP here, I have put myself out there, if sibling also joins the database I will reach out ... if they "reject" my offer of connection, I will respect that - but they will know that I am here if ever they want to learn about their biological beginnings

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

You are truly a heartless person.

Not personal...no one is attacking you. Try to understand, people are trying their best to explain how it works. This is just reality. We now have the technology to bypass everything. There is no controversy, no opinions of who or what. Answering with numerous personal attacks, on several threads, to several people, doesn't change reality. At some point, you are going to have to understand this.

If a birthparent does not want to be contacted, you don't make contact through multiple other relatives who may not know and force yourself into a situation. If a birthmother was raped, for example, you may bring up new/more trauma.

My child knows about some 1/2 siblings (via social media). No interest in knowing them.

The wants of the first mother are not the whole story. That is what we keep telling you. The circumstances of my first sister’s conception do not define her as a person. I love her and she loves me. Thankfully, our mother loved her too and did not blame her trauma in a party that was entirely innocent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

You are truly a heartless person.

Not personal...no one is attacking you. Try to understand, people are trying their best to explain how it works. This is just reality. We now have the technology to bypass everything. There is no controversy, no opinions of who or what. Answering with numerous personal attacks, on several threads, to several people, doesn't change reality. At some point, you are going to have to understand this.

If a birthparent does not want to be contacted, you don't make contact through multiple other relatives who may not know and force yourself into a situation. If a birthmother was raped, for example, you may bring up new/more trauma.

My child knows about some 1/2 siblings (via social media). No interest in knowing them.

That doesn't generalize to anything, your own child. Who cares what your child decides to do or not? The reason a person gives a child up for adoption will not have any impact on the reason a child will eventually find them. It's just a fact. They will locate this person, and/ or all the relatives if theyv want. Sealed records are not a thing, agreements, promises, paperwork. It's called technology. Technology doesn't care about any reason.

If a birthparent chooses not to be found and wants no contact, then you don't have any right to be invasive demand contact.

1 They will be located regardless of anything- documents, records, etc.
2. Birthparent can absolutely indicate no contact, sure, no argument there (!) but their identity and their children's identity (if there were more children from this parent) will be known. DNA and genealogical records supply this readily and easily.
3. Birthparent cannot, and will never be able to, restrict contact between these siblings, or an aunt , uncle, grandparents. That's between them, not birthparent. Sorry, but there's absolutely no way forva birthparent to dictate relationships between others.
4. Anyone, adopted or not, anywhere and everywhere can object to having a relationship - that's not having anything to do with adoption. They cannot prevent themselves from being located or having information disseminated in any possible way- not legally, not socially. It's impossible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

You are truly a heartless person.

Not personal...no one is attacking you. Try to understand, people are trying their best to explain how it works. This is just reality. We now have the technology to bypass everything. There is no controversy, no opinions of who or what. Answering with numerous personal attacks, on several threads, to several people, doesn't change reality. At some point, you are going to have to understand this.

If a birthparent does not want to be contacted, you don't make contact through multiple other relatives who may not know and force yourself into a situation. If a birthmother was raped, for example, you may bring up new/more trauma.

My child knows about some 1/2 siblings (via social media). No interest in knowing them.

That doesn't generalize to anything, your own child. Who cares what your child decides to do or not? The reason a person gives a child up for adoption will not have any impact on the reason a child will eventually find them. It's just a fact. They will locate this person, and/ or all the relatives if theyv want. Sealed records are not a thing, agreements, promises, paperwork. It's called technology. Technology doesn't care about any reason.

If a birthparent chooses not to be found and wants no contact, then you don't have any right to be invasive demand contact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

You are truly a heartless person.

Not personal...no one is attacking you. Try to understand, people are trying their best to explain how it works. This is just reality. We now have the technology to bypass everything. There is no controversy, no opinions of who or what. Answering with numerous personal attacks, on several threads, to several people, doesn't change reality. At some point, you are going to have to understand this.

If a birthparent does not want to be contacted, you don't make contact through multiple other relatives who may not know and force yourself into a situation. If a birthmother was raped, for example, you may bring up new/more trauma.

My child knows about some 1/2 siblings (via social media). No interest in knowing them.

That doesn't generalize to anything, your own child. Who cares what your child decides to do or not? The reason a person gives a child up for adoption will not have any impact on the reason a child will eventually find them. It's just a fact. They will locate this person, and/ or all the relatives if theyv want. Sealed records are not a thing, agreements, promises, paperwork. It's called technology. Technology doesn't care about any reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

You are truly a heartless person.

Not personal...no one is attacking you. Try to understand, people are trying their best to explain how it works. This is just reality. We now have the technology to bypass everything. There is no controversy, no opinions of who or what. Answering with numerous personal attacks, on several threads, to several people, doesn't change reality. At some point, you are going to have to understand this.

If a birthparent does not want to be contacted, you don't make contact through multiple other relatives who may not know and force yourself into a situation. If a birthmother was raped, for example, you may bring up new/more trauma.

My child knows about some 1/2 siblings (via social media). No interest in knowing them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

You are truly a heartless person.

Not personal...no one is attacking you. Try to understand, people are trying their best to explain how it works. This is just reality. We now have the technology to bypass everything. There is no controversy, no opinions of who or what. Answering with numerous personal attacks, on several threads, to several people, doesn't change reality. At some point, you are going to have to understand this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

You are truly a heartless person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

And, if they do not want to, it is likely their kids will. No one owns information. This is pretty universal now.

Definitely. My father was adopted in the 1940s. A DNA test several years ago and I traced his entire family. I wanted the info. I got it. My family and I were all very happy to know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

And, if they do not want to, it is likely their kids will. No one owns information. This is pretty universal now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

I think you need to respect the system. DNA supersedes all opinion here, and any child can and will locate a parent with or without their agreement. They will find their siblings, their cousins, their story. Birthparents have no say whatsoever. Get a grip, learn a little. It no longer matter what a parent wants. At all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.

No, again, the birth mother doesn't have to agree. She absolutely does not hold the key to this child's genetic destiny or narrative. No, she doesn't hold the key to the entire family's relationship with said child. You are living in a fantasy world that does not exist, rooted in another generation, another paradigm. This no longer exists, even if someone thinks it does. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:Again, it doesn't matter at all what you think, or any esoteric examples that may or may not be sock puppet (s)above ...come on....

Adoptees do absolutely deserve to know what their background is, who their parents are as well as the circumstances surrounding their birth and adoption, regardless if they actually do this search or not. And, no one can decide this for them, especially the birth or adoptive parents.

You are entirely missing the point. They deserve to know if it is their choice as well as their birth parents choice If one side doesn't agree, they need to respect the other's decision. Adoptive parents don't choose if a child searches or not once the kids become adults. So, blaming the adoptive parents is silly. Come 18 they can get a DNA test and find them or contact the agency if there was one or request to have their adoption records open.

Not everyone feels the same way as you do and you need to learn to respect it.