Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman, and really surprised by how many people jumped on the OP.. I disagree that A. sweatpants look good on anybody, B. OP can't express how he feels, and C. he can't ask for something to change so he feels better.

OP, I'd focus on the fact that your wife didn't want to get dressed up to go on a date. I would talk to her and say you're worried about her mental health because she doesn't want to go on a date with you, is she okay, does she need help finding a therapist to talk with, etc.

OP here. I apologize for not being clear. My wife will go out on a date, but a date at a place where sweatpants are generally frowned upon is no-go.

Thank you for clarifying. That's still an issue to be addressed. How far does this go? Would she refuse to attend a wedding because sweatpants would be frowned upon? A funeral? Jury duty (although I've seen defendants wearing sweatpants there)?

My wife would not wear sweatpants to a wedding, funeral, or job interview. She has not attended any of those events since COVID started. She has worn sweatpants to jury duty.

Sweatpants should stay in the home, to and from a workout, or you are recovering from some medical issue.

Otherwise they should not be worn in public. Same with PJ pants

Anonymous wrote:I wear black leggings every single day. I'm in shape and shop at Dollar Tree.

You have an unreasonable expecttation for her not to wear comfortable clothes at home.

If she does not want to go on a date, that is a different issue. I stopped going anywhere with my exH well before divorce.

Sweatpants is about ten steps down from black leggings. I would be irritated too.

- woman, first time posting in this thread

Anonymous wrote:I wear black leggings every single day. I'm in shape and shop at Dollar Tree.

You have an unreasonable expecttation for her not to wear comfortable clothes at home.

If she does not want to go on a date, that is a different issue. I stopped going anywhere with my exH well before divorce.

Sure, Jan. I'm picturing People of Walmart fodder....

I wear black leggings every single day. I'm in shape and shop at Dollar Tree.

You have an unreasonable expecttation for her not to wear comfortable clothes at home.

If she does not want to go on a date, that is a different issue. I stopped going anywhere with my exH well before divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

I'm the OP. I am not exactly sure what "performing" means. But if it means looking sexually enticing in public, I do not care about that. Nor do I care about heels or makeup. I have always thought makeup is kind of weird. But there comes a point where she has been wearing sweatpants every day for more than two years gets frustrating. I feel like its sort of a symbol of giving up on ever trying to look good for your partner. And it also has the unwanted side-effect of limiting date venues.

This sounds like a control issue for you, then. Explore why it’s important to you to be able to tell your wife what she can’t wear/how often she can’t wear something.

This advice does not make any sense. How does OP's wanting his wife to dress up sometimes = OP thinks it is important to tell his wife what she can wear. One is a preference, which we all have, and the other is a command. The two concepts are not remotely similar.

Anonymous wrote:There’s probably a deeper issue. She’s working from home and you’re at the office, correct? Who is handling the bulk of the work at home and with the kids? If she’s working from home and doing the majority of the housework and childcare, she’s exhausted and can’t spend the time to look nice for a husband who isn’t pitching in as much as he should. A date will also be too exhausting, as now she has to dress up and perform for husband (who will probably also expect sex).

What does she need to recharge? It’s probably not a date, she probably needs some alone time, or a trip to a spa, a day off from the kids, etc. Give her a way to get some fuel.

I think this has to be part of it too. My husband and I both work at home, and whoever has to deal with the kids and wash the dishes is not dressed to the 9s. I could care less what my husband wears, he always looks hot to me. Whatever he has on is going to end up on the floor anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

I'm the OP. I am not exactly sure what "performing" means. But if it means looking sexually enticing in public, I do not care about that. Nor do I care about heels or makeup. I have always thought makeup is kind of weird. But there comes a point where she has been wearing sweatpants every day for more than two years gets frustrating. I feel like its sort of a symbol of giving up on ever trying to look good for your partner. And it also has the unwanted side-effect of limiting date venues.

This is the heart of your issue. It’s what makes you “pissed off” — to you, this means she doesn’t care about YOU, that she doesn’t care enough to please you. I think you need to let go of that a little bit. Taking something that someone else does personally is never the path to happiness. Take care of yourself, dress well, and maybe she’ll catch on. But ultimately what she wears is up to her.

Maybe you can just tell her you really want to go to X and Y restaurants for date night and let her work it out. Seems fair that you would both get to pick restaurants. Obviously she can wear whatever she wants so long as it’s appropriate. If it’s a matter of comfort, there are other options out there… personally I love comfortable clothes, but to me that could be silk pants, cashmere dress, etc.

There’s probably a deeper issue. She’s working from home and you’re at the office, correct? Who is handling the bulk of the work at home and with the kids? If she’s working from home and doing the majority of the housework and childcare, she’s exhausted and can’t spend the time to look nice for a husband who isn’t pitching in as much as he should. A date will also be too exhausting, as now she has to dress up and perform for husband (who will probably also expect sex).

What does she need to recharge? It’s probably not a date, she probably needs some alone time, or a trip to a spa, a day off from the kids, etc. Give her a way to get some fuel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

I'm the OP. I am not exactly sure what "performing" means. But if it means looking sexually enticing in public, I do not care about that. Nor do I care about heels or makeup. I have always thought makeup is kind of weird. But there comes a point where she has been wearing sweatpants every day for more than two years gets frustrating. I feel like its sort of a symbol of giving up on ever trying to look good for your partner. And it also has the unwanted side-effect of limiting date venues.

This sounds like a control issue for you, then. Explore why it’s important to you to be able to tell your wife what she can’t wear/how often she can’t wear something.

Start looking for a good marriage counselor.

Anonymous wrote:I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

I'm the OP. I am not exactly sure what "performing" means. But if it means looking sexually enticing in public, I do not care about that. Nor do I care about heels or makeup. I have always thought makeup is kind of weird. But there comes a point where she has been wearing sweatpants every day for more than two years gets frustrating. I feel like its sort of a symbol of giving up on ever trying to look good for your partner. And it also has the unwanted side-effect of limiting date venues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I am a woman and all these women criticizing you need to sit down![/b] Your wife would be writing in too if you stopped caring about how you looked or what you wore or refused to dress up on date night! Because it's a woman they all say you are entitled, superficial, etc. I say start wearing pajamas everyday or be honest with how you feel. These self righteous women need to just stop.

Ugh he literally asked if he was being ridiculous. If you take your advice than you wouldn't be coming on here to express your opinion. What makes your opinion worth so much more? And btw, the wife would probably be relieved if he started to wear pjs. So go away troll

Another post by Mr. or Ms. if-I disagree-with-you-then-you-must-be-a-troll.

True but the initial post did resemble the typical let-me-throw-red-meat-into-the-piranha-pool opening of a troll post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I am a woman and all these women criticizing you need to sit down![/b] Your wife would be writing in too if you stopped caring about how you looked or what you wore or refused to dress up on date night! Because it's a woman they all say you are entitled, superficial, etc. I say start wearing pajamas everyday or be honest with how you feel. These self righteous women need to just stop.

Ugh he literally asked if he was being ridiculous. If you take your advice than you wouldn't be coming on here to express your opinion. What makes your opinion worth so much more? And btw, the wife would probably be relieved if he started to wear pjs. So go away troll

Another post by Mr. or Ms. if-I disagree-with-you-then-you-must-be-a-troll.

I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a man wearing a Gucci sweatshirt?

You didn't realize Gucci, Fendi, and other designer brands make clothes for men? Must be poor

No, it’s just that euro trash are the types to wear a Gucci sweatshirt. Let me guess. You wear lots of cologne too. Get back to the Roxbury.