Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PPs that raising a child when you’re older is an important consideration. However, it seems like your biggest concern is the increased risk of having a child with health problems and/or a difficult pregnancy. In that case, you might consider adoption. While any child can develop health problems, I would assume you would have basic information on the child’s health and would not have the physical strain of pregnancy. I don’t have direct experience, but my understanding is that while adoptive parents may need to wait a while for a baby, there are lots of older children needing families, and raising an older child as older parents might be a positive factor.

Adoption is not a cakewalk. Don't make it out to be.

+1

My aunt adopted after her oldest kids were grown. The youngest had significant behavioral issues that would have been unfair to the kids she already had, had they still been at home. And...he is a functional, independent adult! But it took A LOT to get him there.

I'm not a doctor, but if you give birth to a 43-year-old baby something's gone terribly wrong

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PPs that raising a child when you’re older is an important consideration. However, it seems like your biggest concern is the increased risk of having a child with health problems and/or a difficult pregnancy. In that case, you might consider adoption. While any child can develop health problems, I would assume you would have basic information on the child’s health and would not have the physical strain of pregnancy. I don’t have direct experience, but my understanding is that while adoptive parents may need to wait a while for a baby, there are lots of older children needing families, and raising an older child as older parents might be a positive factor.

Adoption is not a cakewalk. Don't make it out to be.

The no vote wins here, more so because you already have 3 healthy kids. Don't risk your marriage and your existing children's stable lives.

I agree with PPs that raising a child when you’re older is an important consideration. However, it seems like your biggest concern is the increased risk of having a child with health problems and/or a difficult pregnancy. In that case, you might consider adoption. While any child can develop health problems, I would assume you would have basic information on the child’s health and would not have the physical strain of pregnancy. I don’t have direct experience, but my understanding is that while adoptive parents may need to wait a while for a baby, there are lots of older children needing families, and raising an older child as older parents might be a positive factor.

I got pregnant every time I had timed, unprotected sex between the ages of 33 and 40. A healthy baby boy, two miscarriages, a healthy baby girl, and then a termination for chromosomal abnormalities. I took the miscarriages in stride and felt we could keep trying, but the pregnancy that ended in termination was my last shot. Grieving that loss took a lot out of me and I was definitely less of a mom and wife during that time (understandably so). It also made me understand what the impact to our family would have been had we chosen to give birth to a baby with likely fatal abnormalities. Yes, there are many stories of 40-something pregnancies that end in healthy births and I don't in any way mean to downplay those stories. At almost 44 with three kids and a husband who isn't fully on board, I'm sorry to say that the odds of being one of those stories are likely pretty low.

As many noted there are risks, but risks don't equal a prohibition and individudal circumstances... the bigger concern is the hard no from your husband. This isn't an individual decision, you need to resolve that first before worrying about the medical side of things. If you and your partner get on the same page about wanting to pursue this, THEN you go talk to you doctor about whether it's safe for you to pursue medically and so on.

Anonymous wrote:I easily got pregnant at 36, 39 and 40. However, the pregnancy at 39 was shown to have chromosome abnormalities so we chose to terminate. If you decide to go for it, be ready to have to face that decision, as the likelihood of issues is significantly higher over 40.

Similar situation here, pregnant at 32,35, 38 and 39. Pregnancy at 38 was also a chromosomal abnormality and I terminated. That was in addition to two other miscarriages during that time period. I got pregnant easily, every time we tried on the first go round, but unfortunately once you reach a certain age your the risks of it being a “bad” egg are high.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and will turn 44 in 2022. We already have 3 healthy kids. I can't help but want one more. DH is at a hard no. I think he would go for it if he thought we could have a healthy baby but thinks the risks are not worth it.

You are selfishly risking a human to be born with complications but put that aside for a moment and think of why you are putting your health, finances, children and overall well-being of whole family at risk? Is this void can be fulfilled by something less complicated?

I easily got pregnant at 36, 39 and 40. However, the pregnancy at 39 was shown to have chromosome abnormalities so we chose to terminate. If you decide to go for it, be ready to have to face that decision, as the likelihood of issues is significantly higher over 40.

I have 3 kids and always thought I wanted a 4th. Now that my 3 are older (12, 14,15) I am so glad we stopped at 3. life is non-stop. It's just really hard to even keep up with the activities, school work, etc with 3. It runs us ragged. Our friends with 2 have far more breathing room. I really can't imagine 4. Maybe if we lived somewhere else. But the pace of life around here is really hard with even 3 kids.

Yeah late 30s is the limit

Your husband is a hard no and you can’t guarantee a healthy baby. So, why are you asking?

FWIW, we considered a fourth in roughly similar circumstances. Ultimately, we both felt like it wasn’t worth the added stress, as much as we knew we’d love a fourth. I’m so glad we stuck with our three—it’s great to be past the preschool years and have different adventures.

43 is not too old (I adopted my one & only as an infant at age 46) HOWEVER, given your circumstances (NO from husband, AND 3 healthy kids already, there is NO WAY, imo.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With you having 3 healthy kids already I agree with your DH!

Enjoy fully what you already have! The risks are too great I think(?)

+100

+ 200