Anonymous wrote:If you have time and energy to play with your kids - great. Not all parents do. Many work 50-60 hours a week and are exhausted after work. They're focused on supporting the family, paying living expenses, homework, future investments, retirement, college funds (FYI, instate is now 30-40k and out of state is easily 70-80k).

Don't point the finger just because certain parents don't have time or energy to play with their kids. Not everyone is like you.

If you work that much, you should take extra care to spend meaningful time with your kids. I work insanely long hours (often) as a lawyer. So I make sure to set aside time to play games, read, go hiking, etc. Otherwise, I'd have no relationship with them!

Not like they were working 15 hour days across multiple shifts to make ends meet as a single parent.

Both are neglecting their kid(s). Happens across income and education strata.

Anonymous wrote:If you have time and energy to play with your kids - great. Not all parents do. Many work 50-60 hours a week and are exhausted after work. They're focused on supporting the family, paying living expenses, homework, future investments, retirement, college funds (FYI, instate is now 30-40k and out of state is easily 70-80k).

Don't point the finger just because certain parents don't have time or energy to play with their kids. Not everyone is like you.

Nice excuses here folks. Maybe you can get to know your kids when you retire.

If you have time and energy to play with your kids - great. Not all parents do. Many work 50-60 hours a week and are exhausted after work. They're focused on supporting the family, paying living expenses, homework, future investments, retirement, college funds (FYI, instate is now 30-40k and out of state is easily 70-80k).

Don't point the finger just because certain parents don't have time or energy to play with their kids. Not everyone is like you.

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Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to “play” with them but hopefully he has things he *does* like to do with them. I’m the reader/ cards and board game parent here. Spouse doesn’t like any of those - but he plays sports, washes cars, builds things, gardens with them. I think it’s fine to know the types of things you enjoy and do those things with your kids.

I totally agree that playing is unnecessary and that this was much less common in our parents and grandparents’ generations.

It might be more productive to come up with some suggested activities your husband could do with the kids that don’t involve playing - reading, hiking, sports, archery, listening to music or going to a concert together, chores (gardening, painting a fence, handyman tasks), cooking.

My dad and I used to just enjoy walks after dinner or go to the library together and read on their sofas side by side. You can enjoy a parent’s attention and quality time without playing, and there’s no guilt about not being the type of parent who wants to play.

Would it be ok with you if s friend , a boyfriend or your husband always refused to do things you liked and were meaningful for you and only wanted to spend time with you if it involved something they liked?


Probably not. So why is that attitude excused in parents ( especially fathers) towards children. ?

I'm not saying you have to be the great zucchini or whatever but you you really can't be bothered to spend a few minutes playing trains tea party or a card game with your kids because it's just torture you really need to get the hell over yourself

As a counterpoint, I’d never make my SO go somewhere or do something with me if they didn’t like it or want to.

And you have missed the beauty of a relationship.

DP.. why do people always compare adult:adult relationship to adult:child relationship. Super weird and a bit creepy

Anonymous wrote:It seems like a lot of people are viewing playing as the only option for interacting with your child. I firmly believe spending quality time is what is important and that this does not have to fall into the category of playing. I don’t know about OPs specific situation but, in general, I don’t think it’s necessary to play with your children as long as you spend quality time engaging with them in other ways (arts and crafts, reading, going on bike rides, etc).

Of course playing isn't the only way iof interacting with your children, but that's not really what's being discussed here despite you and your supporters trying to twist that conversation that way, perhaps out of guilt.
If your kid is happy doing crafts and hikes with you great! The point is to interact with your kids in a way they find meaningful, not you. So if your kid would find it more meaningful for you to sit and play a card game with them or trains or dollhouse etc for a little bit do that at least some of the time. The period of time they want to play with you us so friggin short.


If your kid asks you to play a game with them and you refuse or sulk about it because you think it's boring you are an ass full stop.

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Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.

You ignored your daughter during her infancy. Awesome!

The current advice is to do exactly this with small kids. Be near your kid, but don’t play WITH them. They need to develop independent and open ended play skills. Parents are actually limiting development when they get involved

I am 100% positive the current advice is not to not to avoid interaction with your child until he turns two. I am also certain the current advice is to refuse to play with your child even when she asks you to.
Why the hell did some of you have children?

Uh cool…find me a person endorsing “avoiding interaction with your child until he turns two” and I’ll be sure to pass your message on. It’s completely irrelevant to this thread though.

It seems like a lot of people are viewing playing as the only option for interacting with your child. I firmly believe spending quality time is what is important and that this does not have to fall into the category of playing. I don’t know about OPs specific situation but, in general, I don’t think it’s necessary to play with your children as long as you spend quality time engaging with them in other ways (arts and crafts, reading, going on bike rides, etc).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to “play” with them but hopefully he has things he *does* like to do with them. I’m the reader/ cards and board game parent here. Spouse doesn’t like any of those - but he plays sports, washes cars, builds things, gardens with them. I think it’s fine to know the types of things you enjoy and do those things with your kids.

I totally agree that playing is unnecessary and that this was much less common in our parents and grandparents’ generations.

It might be more productive to come up with some suggested activities your husband could do with the kids that don’t involve playing - reading, hiking, sports, archery, listening to music or going to a concert together, chores (gardening, painting a fence, handyman tasks), cooking.

My dad and I used to just enjoy walks after dinner or go to the library together and read on their sofas side by side. You can enjoy a parent’s attention and quality time without playing, and there’s no guilt about not being the type of parent who wants to play.

Would it be ok with you if s friend , a boyfriend or your husband always refused to do things you liked and were meaningful for you and only wanted to spend time with you if it involved something they liked?


Probably not. So why is that attitude excused in parents ( especially fathers) towards children. ?

I'm not saying you have to be the great zucchini or whatever but you you really can't be bothered to spend a few minutes playing trains tea party or a card game with your kids because it's just torture you really need to get the hell over yourself

As a counterpoint, I’d never make my SO go somewhere or do something with me if they didn’t like it or want to.

And you have missed the beauty of a relationship.