Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not recommend it. My DH is a teacher and his low wages really hurt our family. I make 200K and he is at 75K. I dream of the things me and the kids could do if he made equal pay. The difference definitely builds resentment and my husband has no interest in switching careers to earn more money for his family.

You sound awful

I’m going to hug my teacher husband now. He’s a gem and I wouldn’t trade him for the UMC douche this harpy dreams of. Also, $275k is a lot of money. Maybe your husband can teach you about financial management?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

So he likely has a lot of lawyer/divorce debt plus owes child support every month, needs to save for his those kids’ college and expenses. It will be very hard for you to get ahead financially as a married couple

Worse and worse, OP. You should be committed, although on some level it's not surprising. Only a woman would be insecure enough to saddle herself with a jalopy. Your thought process is so ridiculous that you literally made me reach for the dictionary. I will now exit this thread as I cannot be confronted with any more of our stupidity. A woman can have everything and still be willing to shoot herself in the foot for a totally average man.

I'd never marry a man that makes so little let alone that much less than me. If I decide to divorce him I would be on the losing end of the asset split. Why set myself up that way.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

I’m sorry OP, I would not marry this man. Another poster suggested cohabitation and I think that might be your best option so long as you make sure there’s no common-law benefits to him upon separation. With child support payments taking up 18 years, he is not going to have adequate retirement savings on $60,000, so you are essentially signing up to be his 401(k) if you marry, as well as giving up half your assets if you divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

Just live together. No reason to formally get married.

What would your financial responsibility be for his kids, and are you two on the same page about it? At what age does he plan to retire? What would be the advantages of marriage vs committed partnership?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

Just live together. No reason to formally get married.

Our answers are irrelevant. Anyone who would pose this question should not even consider such a match. You are likely to do the lion's share on the home front because men refuse to work for free.

Do you want kids?

OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

Apparently, yes.

I did, but we are immigrants and he is of a higher caste than mine so I never looked down on him. Weird, I know, but family name is everything in our culture. If you have a reason to look up to him, then do it. If you feel he is beneath you then that will only grow stronger with marriage.

Anonymous wrote:You want a top 10% earning male like every single woman. This man is rare, and you will face stiff competition. You have a man that is good to you. That is worth its weight in gold. But you have to get over the fact that you earn more. If you cannot, then you will take out on him and that is not fair to him.

Some of the top 10% earning males are douchebags. There is a reason that men like Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Donald Trump are divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did and it’s been great. He might not have maximized his earning potential (he’s a public defender), but he isn’t a financial liability - he’s a saver who isn’t into consumption. He has no ego about how much he earns and doesn’t spend my/our money to appear richer or more financial successful than he actually is. At 160k, I make more than enough money to compensate for his lower salary and we are able to fully save for retirement, have a nice home in a wonderful neighborhood, adequately save for college, vacation regularly and not worry about money.

+1
You cannot marry someone who is a financial liability. A person who makes 60K, can live in that amount and save for the future in that amount, is a financially responsible person who will eventually build up wealth. A person who is a show off, gets into flawed get rich quick schemes, has debts or bills (child support) or is financially irresponsible will drag you down.

However, OP should realize that this person is working full time to earn that amount of money. If she thinks that he is going to be taking on a lot of chores at home just because he is earning less then she is in for a lot of hurt. He is not beholden to her just because she makes more money.

- SAHM.

Aren't most stay at home parents a financial liability? I'm not talking about trust fund SAHPs or anyone else sitting on a nest egg.

Sure. Unless, they are providing childcare, homecare, eldercare, educating the children, managing the family, managing the finances, keeping the social networks alive, looking after property, finding opportunities for the family and growing the wealth by careful stewardship. Also, being able to reduce everyone's stress and looking after the needs of everyone is the big advantage of having a SAHP. A SAHP can be instrumental in reducing future financial/personal losses and expenses as well as ensuring a good lifestyle for everyone in the family. You have to weigh for yourself if that particular SAHP is a financial liability or the best boon for your family. Similarly, you have to decide if the guy who makes 60K is worth marrying or not. The answer will be very individual.

- SAHM

You want a top 10% earning male like every single woman. This man is rare, and you will face stiff competition. You have a man that is good to you. That is worth its weight in gold. But you have to get over the fact that you earn more. If you cannot, then you will take out on him and that is not fair to him.