Anonymous
12/12/2021 19:17
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).
Not really because believe it or not many girls want to have sex, specially by 17-18. You act like it is only the boys want to try sex. All girls are just helpless flowers go can be easily talked into sex by any boys.
I think of my daughter at 14. She certainly wasn’t dating a 17 year old but I could see that young girl being coerced into something she really didn’t want. Now that she is 18? I have a lot of confidence that she will only have sex when she wants to. The self confidence and growth is amazing.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 19:08
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Why are we only talking about her? Where were HIS PARENTS that let him date a 14 year old and that didn’t teach their son to treat people with respect. News flash moms, if you have a a son YOU need to be discussing these things with him. Don’t rely on dad. Every woman who has a son these things are on you when they are young b/c it’s clear father’s aren’t discussing these things.
Why are we discussing any parents? OP is the concerned aunt. Her role is to listen sympathetically and not disclose confidences. Ahem.
When the parents post, then we should discuss them.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 19:06
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Why are we only talking about her? Where were HIS PARENTS that let him date a 14 year old and that didn’t teach their son to treat people with respect. News flash moms, if you have a a son YOU need to be discussing these things with him. Don’t rely on dad. Every woman who has a son these things are on you when they are young b/c it’s clear father’s aren’t discussing these things.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 19:03
Subject: Re:Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
IP this is too important to leave to random responses of anonymous DCUM board.
Please consult sexual assault experts - psychologists, police victim units, lawyers, female sexual assault advocacy organizations and ask for their opinions. Your family needs to do this in close discussions with victim as to what will serve her best. Her health and well being must be paramount.
Please consult sexual assault experts - psychologists, police victim units, lawyers, female sexual assault advocacy organizations and ask for their opinions. Your family needs to do this in close discussions with victim as to what will serve her best. Her health and well being must be paramount.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 19:00
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Oh, that will cure her. No more cutting, after charging her ex with statutory rape. Good thinking, aunt!
Assuming posture of a victim for the rest of her life won’t help either …
There are ways that bringing charges against now adult got sexual assault of minor can be done to protect the privacy and integrity of minors.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 18:58
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.
This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.
I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.
saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat
A threat to end their relationship? True. Everyone has their relationship dealbreakers. There are lots of adults who will end relationships if they don’t get their sexual needs meet.
I think it’s weird that you think this girl is entitled to be his girlfriend if he likes it or not. He sounds like a bad boyfriend, but telling her what he wants from the relationship isn’t a crime.
He was 17 and a senior and she was 14, a freshman.
Age matters a lot with relationship “expectations”
Anonymous
12/12/2021 18:21
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Oh, that will cure her. No more cutting, after charging her ex with statutory rape. Good thinking, aunt!
Anonymous
12/12/2021 18:19
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.
This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.
I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.
saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat
A threat to end their relationship? True. Everyone has their relationship dealbreakers. There are lots of adults who will end relationships if they don’t get their sexual needs meet.
I think it’s weird that you think this girl is entitled to be his girlfriend if he likes it or not. He sounds like a bad boyfriend, but telling her what he wants from the relationship isn’t a crime.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 18:10
Subject: Re:Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:What state, OP? I would research that state's laws.
Given their age difference, it looks like he may have broken a law in VA, for example.
https://www.vdh.virginia.gov/statutory-rape-prevention/virginia-law/
Virginia Law
In terms of Statutory Rape (not a legal term in Virginia) there are two statutes that apply.
The first statute (§ 18.2-63) deals with carnal knowledge of a child age 13 or 14.
The second statute deals with someone 18 years of age or older having sex with someone age 15, 16, or 17 years of age, which is a class one misdemeanor and punishable with up to one year in jail and a $2,500.00 fine.
§ 18.2-63. Carnal knowledge of child between thirteen and fifteen years of age.
A. If any person carnally knows, without the use of force, a child thirteen years of age or older but under fifteen years of age, such person shall be guilty of a Class 4 felony.
B. If any person carnally knows, without the use of force, a child thirteen years of age or older but under fifteen years of age who consents to sexual intercourse and the accused is a minor and such consenting child is three years or more the accused’s junior, the accused shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony. If such consenting child is less than three years the accused’s junior, the accused shall be guilty of a Class 4 misdemeanor.
In calculating whether such child is three years or more a junior of the accused minor, the actual dates of birth of the child and the accused, respectively, shall be used.
C. For the purposes of this section, (i) a child under the age of thirteen years shall not be considered a consenting child and (ii) “carnal knowledge” includes the acts of sexual intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio, anilingus, anal intercourse, and animate and inanimate object sexual penetration.
Big plus one
Anonymous
12/12/2021 17:58
Subject: Re:Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
What state, OP? I would research that state's laws.
Given their age difference, it looks like he may have broken a law in VA, for example.
https://www.vdh.virginia.gov/statutory-rape-prevention/virginia-law/
Virginia Law
In terms of Statutory Rape (not a legal term in Virginia) there are two statutes that apply.
The first statute (§ 18.2-63) deals with carnal knowledge of a child age 13 or 14.
The second statute deals with someone 18 years of age or older having sex with someone age 15, 16, or 17 years of age, which is a class one misdemeanor and punishable with up to one year in jail and a $2,500.00 fine.
§ 18.2-63. Carnal knowledge of child between thirteen and fifteen years of age.
A. If any person carnally knows, without the use of force, a child thirteen years of age or older but under fifteen years of age, such person shall be guilty of a Class 4 felony.
B. If any person carnally knows, without the use of force, a child thirteen years of age or older but under fifteen years of age who consents to sexual intercourse and the accused is a minor and such consenting child is three years or more the accused’s junior, the accused shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony. If such consenting child is less than three years the accused’s junior, the accused shall be guilty of a Class 4 misdemeanor.
In calculating whether such child is three years or more a junior of the accused minor, the actual dates of birth of the child and the accused, respectively, shall be used.
C. For the purposes of this section, (i) a child under the age of thirteen years shall not be considered a consenting child and (ii) “carnal knowledge” includes the acts of sexual intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio, anilingus, anal intercourse, and animate and inanimate object sexual penetration.
Given their age difference, it looks like he may have broken a law in VA, for example.
https://www.vdh.virginia.gov/statutory-rape-prevention/virginia-law/
Virginia Law
In terms of Statutory Rape (not a legal term in Virginia) there are two statutes that apply.
The first statute (§ 18.2-63) deals with carnal knowledge of a child age 13 or 14.
The second statute deals with someone 18 years of age or older having sex with someone age 15, 16, or 17 years of age, which is a class one misdemeanor and punishable with up to one year in jail and a $2,500.00 fine.
§ 18.2-63. Carnal knowledge of child between thirteen and fifteen years of age.
A. If any person carnally knows, without the use of force, a child thirteen years of age or older but under fifteen years of age, such person shall be guilty of a Class 4 felony.
B. If any person carnally knows, without the use of force, a child thirteen years of age or older but under fifteen years of age who consents to sexual intercourse and the accused is a minor and such consenting child is three years or more the accused’s junior, the accused shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony. If such consenting child is less than three years the accused’s junior, the accused shall be guilty of a Class 4 misdemeanor.
In calculating whether such child is three years or more a junior of the accused minor, the actual dates of birth of the child and the accused, respectively, shall be used.
C. For the purposes of this section, (i) a child under the age of thirteen years shall not be considered a consenting child and (ii) “carnal knowledge” includes the acts of sexual intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio, anilingus, anal intercourse, and animate and inanimate object sexual penetration.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 17:56
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Talk to a lawyer. Some of this depends on state laws.
It could be statutory rape, but in many states, he will be exempt from statutory rape laws based on a "Romeo and Juliet" exemption. This applies when the two people involved are close in age. But this is very much a matter of state law.
She consented. Saying I'll break up with you if you don't doesn't constitute coercion in the state I'm most familiar with.
I know in some states the allowed age difference is 2 years. In Florida 2 14 year olds who were caught having sex were BOTH prosecuted a few years ago.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 17:49
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).
She said no many times first and was 14! He was close to legal adulthood and at the end of high school.
I would go after him if she was my daughter.
I would also do all the other stuff her family is already doing.
"Go after him" how? Legally? You can't, it's not a crime to break up with someone.
Physically? Now THAT would be assault, and then he CAN "go after" YOU legally.
I would Look into pressing police charges, which would still be within statute of limitations.
I Would look forward lawyer who specializes in sexual assaults against minors.
He coerced a near child into sex she did not want. That is assault against a minor and in some states 14 years old is below the age of consent for any9ne even older teens.
I'm curious about where your line is here.
If she said no three times over the course of a month and then consented would that be ok?
What if she WASN'T having all of these issues today and was just fine? Would it be ok? The events still occurred.
What if she was 15?
What if she was 18?
Age = 14 and not able to make informed consent
Age difference= perp close to adulthood while victim a young freshman
Victim said no many times but was drowned out.
I talk to my DD a lot and she feels that she can tell me anything, within reason. I can only take so many Tik Tok videos though 😂 I already warn her regularly about misogyny, about being taken advantage of before she is ready, about inappropriate requests (boys who send her dick pics with requests to reciprocate are blocked. I encourage her to resist validation through being sexually attractive because the online pressure on girls to be hot is unbelievable - but encourage her to feel good about her brains, hard work, creativity, achievements, and kindness to others. I raised our son to respect women. I strongly emphasize kindness but if you mess with my babies, I’m coming for you!
But If this happened to my DD, I would be on the war path for sure.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 17:48
Subject: Re:Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:The line is consent.
Pressure does not mean there is no consent.
My DH pressures me regularly. The resulting act is not assault.
He pressured her with threats. He is much older and she said no. No means no.
Your husband is a jerk but this isn't comparable.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 17:45
Subject: Re:Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
The line is consent.
Pressure does not mean there is no consent.
My DH pressures me regularly. The resulting act is not assault.
Pressure does not mean there is no consent.
My DH pressures me regularly. The resulting act is not assault.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 17:33
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).
She said no many times first and was 14! He was close to legal adulthood and at the end of high school.
I would go after him if she was my daughter.
I would also do all the other stuff her family is already doing.
"Go after him" how? Legally? You can't, it's not a crime to break up with someone.
Physically? Now THAT would be assault, and then he CAN "go after" YOU legally.
I would Look into pressing police charges, which would still be within statute of limitations.
I Would look forward lawyer who specializes in sexual assaults against minors.
He coerced a near child into sex she did not want. That is assault against a minor and in some states 14 years old is below the age of consent for any9ne even older teens.
So you are saying you would sue him civily? Do you enjoy throwing money away?
I would take no pleasure in any of this but I would pursue all legal avenues to hold him accountable. For my DD and for other young women.