Some people have bad pickers.

Anonymous wrote:My friend lost her husband to a drunk driver and is engaged again about 5 years later.

I don't think she'd consider herself lucky. Lucky isn't being widowed suddenly at 40 and dealing with two kids who were devastated at their dad being gone. They had some bad times.

This seems really tone deaf. A woman was widowed and the reaction is to be jealous that after such a big loss she found someone else?

Yeah.

My was widowed at 74. She had men coming out if the woodwork to date her. She coupled up about 7-8 months later. She had a happy 52-year marriage, but hated being alone. He is a widow too and their spouses were friends.

I read the happier someone was in a marriage, it’s more likely they will find a partner again on the quick side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing your worth, and being open to love is a big thing. Also, sometimes part of it is just luck. There are really awesome people who continually get the short end of the stick. I learned at an early age that life isn’t fair a lot of the time and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

Could not agree more.
Many beautiful & successful mind women are sitting home alone at this very moment due to either bad choices or bad luck.

Life is seldom very fair, especially when it comes to the love department. 💔❤️‍🩹

I am one of them.

*kind

Anonymous wrote:Knowing your worth, and being open to love is a big thing. Also, sometimes part of it is just luck. There are really awesome people who continually get the short end of the stick. I learned at an early age that life isn’t fair a lot of the time and there is no rhyme or reason to it.

Could not agree more.
Many beautiful & successful mind women are sitting home alone at this very moment due to either bad choices or bad luck.

Life is seldom very fair, especially when it comes to the love department. 💔❤️‍🩹

Many people are very blind to their flaws in relationships. I know a number of women who have stayed single into their 40s. For some, they are wonderful people with high standards who have just never hit the jackpot of timing and the right person. Unlucky. But for the vast majority, they have serious issues that they continue to be unaware of and thus have not addressed that get in their way. And I say this as someone who dealt with childhood trauma and abuse and definitely had serious issues (and still has them). But my gift is that I am very self aware, I have listened to hard truths people have told me about myself in the past and found ways to address those issues, and am always working on myself. I have been "lucky" but I don't think my luck is in finding my husband, I think it's in being able to be self-critical and self-aware.

Many people simply are not self-aware and it makes it hard to find a partner. Granted, some unself-aware people do find partners, but their issues will continue to plague those relationships so I am reluctant to call them lucky.

Anonymous wrote:My friend lost her husband to a drunk driver and is engaged again about 5 years later.

I don't think she'd consider herself lucky. Lucky isn't being widowed suddenly at 40 and dealing with two kids who were devastated at their dad being gone. They had some bad times.

This seems really tone deaf. A woman was widowed and the reaction is to be jealous that after such a big loss she found someone else?

I agree it is odd to say that someone is lucky to find someone after being widowed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are usually:
Loving
Open
Warm
Attractive

Women who make their male partners feel loved will never be alone. I've seen many examples of this in my life.

They will if there are no dateable men left to love or love them.

The bolded is your problem. There are plenty of men, but your probably unreasonable standards limit your options. The men you consider dateable either want hotter women than you, or they don't need to settle down with one woman because they can simultaneously juggle multiple women who have also deemed them "dateable."

I am 50. It’s a real problem at this age. If you have any tips on how to find men who meet reasonable standards I’m all ears.

Many quality guys in their 50s will want to date women in their 30s and 40s. Are you OK dating someone who earns half your income or is out of shape? If yes, you can probably find someone. Otherwise you *will* have difficulties.

My friend lost her husband to a drunk driver and is engaged again about 5 years later.

I don't think she'd consider herself lucky. Lucky isn't being widowed suddenly at 40 and dealing with two kids who were devastated at their dad being gone. They had some bad times.

This seems really tone deaf. A woman was widowed and the reaction is to be jealous that after such a big loss she found someone else?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

I don't mean this as an insult and I'm sure you're lovely, but you probably could have stopped at #1. For beautiful women being "lucky in love" is the default. The PP who said she's ordinary looking but still consistently attracts lots of quality men is a lot more interesting, IMO.

This is true. I am in a group of single friends. The prettiest, thinnest one has had two boyfriends during the pandemic, even though she is actually the craziest when it comes to being a partner. I am generally very low key and tolerant, but I am overweight(though pretty) so I have a harder time but have dated a couple people less seriously. The ones who are normal weight, but not as cute, haven't had any luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are usually:
Loving
Open
Warm
Attractive

Women who make their male partners feel loved will never be alone. I've seen many examples of this in my life.

They will if there are no dateable men left to love or love them.

The bolded is your problem. There are plenty of men, but your probably unreasonable standards limit your options. The men you consider dateable either want hotter women than you, or they don't need to settle down with one woman because they can simultaneously juggle multiple women who have also deemed them "dateable."

I am 50. It’s a real problem at this age. If you have any tips on how to find men who meet reasonable standards I’m all ears.

Anonymous wrote:I haven't been widowed or looked for love late in life, so I don't know if this really applies to me. But, honestly, I married way out of my league (in many different ways) and always had an easy time finding high quality relationships before marriage.

I have many flaws and I'm very ordinary looking; I marvel at my good luck often. I think if there's something attractive about me it's that I'm easygoing and I tend to find the humor in every situation. Not like laugh-out-loud joke-telling type humor, but I think most of life is fairly absurd, so I don't take anything too serious. I can get a kick out of nearly any mundane situation and very little phases me. My relationships have always had very little conflict. I also think I'm warm and easy to talk to.

I don't mean any of this to brag. Like I said at the start I have more than my fair share of flaws. But I think I've attracted some men into my life because they're used to conflict or friction, and spending time with me just feels light and easy.

I am the same way, but I only attract men who are not interested in commitment. Occasionally, I will meet someone who is used to drama and thinks because I am not interested because I am too chill and he leaves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is me, even though I choose to be single ATM. I've always had a ton of men trying to get to me. I currently have very rich and some even famous men in my DMs trying to talk to me

1) I'm conventionally attractive, "beautiful" according to most people
2) I have a positive attitude and am generally happy go lucky
3) I dont care that much about male approval which seems to call it to you, bizarrely
4) I'm an interesting, fun conversationalist.

I think that's about it. It's not that complicated, men are simple creatures.

This is funny. A ton of men trying to get you is of course because you are attractive. That is how the universe works.
You are happy go lucky because men and women treat you nicer because you are attractive.
You don't care about male approval because you already have it because you are attractive.
You are interesting and fun to men because you are attractive. You could be talking about how wallpaper dries on a wall after application and men will find that fascinating because you are attractive.
Yes men are simple creatures, they like attractive females.

Yet they tend to marry Plain Jane, even when they had more attractive options.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Witnessing the illness of your spouse and becoming a young widow isn't lucky in love... It's terrible luck.

Well yes. Of course it is. But finding not one, but two great husbands in a relatively short period of time Is lucky in love. That doesn’t mean lucky in all aspects of life, as you point out, obviously.

OP here. I actually read her blog because I started off my career in the foreign policy and think tank circles. While I never met Shawn Brimley, I certainly know people who worked with him. I was surprised by her beautiful and raw writing and struck by her intelligence and emotional maturity. When you read her story, you realize she has not always been lucky, having lost her mother so young and in such terrible circumstances, and you cannot help but admire her resilience. She then goes off and meets this brilliant and all around wonderful guy who apparently is madly in love with her. They had a love in a brief time that most do not experience in this whole life. That is lucky!

After his unfortunate passing, she is left a widow at 40 with three little kids. That's a huge baggage. And within two years she is married again to another seemingly great guy who is madly in love with her.

She does seem tremendously lucky in love, regardless of the rest of her circumstances.

..or maybe she is just a really good blogger/instagram person. It is easily to fake a life- like Martha Stewart the original blogger to me because she started the entire “lifestyle” business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are usually:
Loving
Open
Warm
Attractive

Women who make their male partners feel loved will never be alone. I've seen many examples of this in my life.

They will if there are no dateable men left to love or love them.

The bolded is your problem. There are plenty of men, but your probably unreasonable standards limit your options. The men you consider dateable either want hotter women than you, or they don't need to settle down with one woman because they can simultaneously juggle multiple women who have also deemed them "dateable."