Anonymous wrote:I sympathize op, but you need to respect her journey. Do you need to leave? Maybe. I would exhaust many other options including special hvac filtration systems, house renovation, etc. all cheaper than divorce.

40 lbs seems a bit petty. Do you still have a sex life? Could you meet a fit marathon vegetarian to spend the rest of your life with? Maybe. Would she have other qualities that annoyed you? Absolutely. Would she have the shared history and child you have? Nope.

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Anonymous wrote:she should get drug tested for work, very big liability if she makes a mistake

OP here. I don't think I agree with your statement, I don't think I even understand it.

My wife is very successful in her job, regardless whether she's doing weed or not doing weed. She's writing and talking with clients on the phone, not performing open heart surgery.

I'd rather see a world where weed is completely legal, not a world where employers drug test their employees. I'm pro-choice, I just choose to say no. And wish my wife was on the same page.

Well we're almost there and what you get is my neighbor smoking from 9am to 9pm and my kids having all that exposure to second and third hand smoke. We'll see what happens to a generation of kids whose parents and neighbors smoke. It won't be pretty.

Yuck. Do you live in a rowhouse or apartment building or a single family home?

A row home in Cleveland Park.

DP, not the one you're responding to. OP you have no idea how much that weed smell and smoke is permeating the walls and affecting your rowhouse neighbors. You should see the many threads on the real estate forum over the years about this. Weed smoke is a serious neighbor issue. You might think your neighbors don't notice because they haven't complained to you. You'd likely be wrong about that. Yeah, yeah, it's off-topic to the bigger picture of your addicted wife and your teen who's probably already smoking. But be assured your neighbors know all about the weed smoking going on all day long.

I am the OP, and I don't live in a rowhouse in Cleveland Park. I'm not sure why someone is inserting themself in my narrative. I live in a single family home on a .3 acre lot in a VA suburb. I do smell the smoke from two houses down the road when I'm coming home from walking the dog. I have no doubt the neighbors smell it too.

OP....I agree with you on the weed issue.

But your responses are really prickly, defensive, and often rude, even when people are agreeing with you. It makes me wonder what your wife is putting up with in your relationship. You don’t sound like a very pleasant person.

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Anonymous wrote:she should get drug tested for work, very big liability if she makes a mistake

OP here. I don't think I agree with your statement, I don't think I even understand it.

My wife is very successful in her job, regardless whether she's doing weed or not doing weed. She's writing and talking with clients on the phone, not performing open heart surgery.

I'd rather see a world where weed is completely legal, not a world where employers drug test their employees. I'm pro-choice, I just choose to say no. And wish my wife was on the same page.

Well we're almost there and what you get is my neighbor smoking from 9am to 9pm and my kids having all that exposure to second and third hand smoke. We'll see what happens to a generation of kids whose parents and neighbors smoke. It won't be pretty.

Yuck. Do you live in a rowhouse or apartment building or a single family home?

A row home in Cleveland Park.

DP, not the one you're responding to. OP you have no idea how much that weed smell and smoke is permeating the walls and affecting your rowhouse neighbors. You should see the many threads on the real estate forum over the years about this. Weed smoke is a serious neighbor issue. You might think your neighbors don't notice because they haven't complained to you. You'd likely be wrong about that. Yeah, yeah, it's off-topic to the bigger picture of your addicted wife and your teen who's probably already smoking. But be assured your neighbors know all about the weed smoking going on all day long.

I am the OP, and I don't live in a rowhouse in Cleveland Park. I'm not sure why someone is inserting themself in my narrative. I live in a single family home on a .3 acre lot in a VA suburb. I do smell the smoke from two houses down the road when I'm coming home from walking the dog. I have no doubt the neighbors smell it too.

Anonymous wrote:Every single morning on 395 I can smell other commuters smoking weed. There are a ton of people driving nto the city stoned every day.

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Anonymous wrote:she should get drug tested for work, very big liability if she makes a mistake

OP here. I don't think I agree with your statement, I don't think I even understand it.

My wife is very successful in her job, regardless whether she's doing weed or not doing weed. She's writing and talking with clients on the phone, not performing open heart surgery.

I'd rather see a world where weed is completely legal, not a world where employers drug test their employees. I'm pro-choice, I just choose to say no. And wish my wife was on the same page.

Well we're almost there and what you get is my neighbor smoking from 9am to 9pm and my kids having all that exposure to second and third hand smoke. We'll see what happens to a generation of kids whose parents and neighbors smoke. It won't be pretty.

Yuck. Do you live in a rowhouse or apartment building or a single family home?

A row home in Cleveland Park.

DP, not the one you're responding to. OP you have no idea how much that weed smell and smoke is permeating the walls and affecting your rowhouse neighbors. You should see the many threads on the real estate forum over the years about this. Weed smoke is a serious neighbor issue. You might think your neighbors don't notice because they haven't complained to you. You'd likely be wrong about that. Yeah, yeah, it's off-topic to the bigger picture of your addicted wife and your teen who's probably already smoking. But be assured your neighbors know all about the weed smoking going on all day long.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she should get drug tested for work, very big liability if she makes a mistake

OP here. I don't think I agree with your statement, I don't think I even understand it.

My wife is very successful in her job, regardless whether she's doing weed or not doing weed. She's writing and talking with clients on the phone, not performing open heart surgery.

I'd rather see a world where weed is completely legal, not a world where employers drug test their employees. I'm pro-choice, I just choose to say no. And wish my wife was on the same page.

Well we're almost there and what you get is my neighbor smoking from 9am to 9pm and my kids having all that exposure to second and third hand smoke. We'll see what happens to a generation of kids whose parents and neighbors smoke. It won't be pretty.

Yuck. Do you live in a rowhouse or apartment building or a single family home?

A row home in Cleveland Park.

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Anonymous wrote:My gross deadbeat neighbors do this. They are harshly judged.

Same here. But it starts at 9am when he wakes up. He's unemployed, incredibly unhealthy looking, supported by dad who enables him, and essentially has no future.

Listen, I occasionally use it, but starting your day with it or using it most days is a huge problem. Even bigger problem is that your children see it. She needs help.

OP here. In no way is my spouse "deadbeat." She may make some bad health choices that are cause for concern, but in most other ways, she's a highly productive employee, wife, and mom.

Except she's an addict. And the weed is 100% tied to her weight gain. She's impaired most of the day. She will be at higher risk for dementia and other things. She literally is too inebriated to drive somewhere (lord hope she doesn't). Holding down a job doesn't mean you're not a deadbeat.

Does one puff make you too stoned to drive somewhere? I mean, isn't it feasible that she's done it enough to know the impact and she does it in a way that it may give her what she needs without becoming totally intoxicated (or whatever the weed equivalent term is?)

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize op, but you need to respect her journey. Do you need to leave? Maybe. I would exhaust many other options including special hvac filtration systems, house renovation, etc. all cheaper than divorce.

40 lbs seems a bit petty. Do you still have a sex life? Could you meet a fit marathon vegetarian to spend the rest of your life with? Maybe. Would she have other qualities that annoyed you? Absolutely. Would she have the shared history and child you have? Nope.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My gross deadbeat neighbors do this. They are harshly judged.

Same here. But it starts at 9am when he wakes up. He's unemployed, incredibly unhealthy looking, supported by dad who enables him, and essentially has no future.

Listen, I occasionally use it, but starting your day with it or using it most days is a huge problem. Even bigger problem is that your children see it. She needs help.

OP here. In no way is my spouse "deadbeat." She may make some bad health choices that are cause for concern, but in most other ways, she's a highly productive employee, wife, and mom.

Except she's an addict. And the weed is 100% tied to her weight gain. She's impaired most of the day. She will be at higher risk for dementia and other things. She literally is too inebriated to drive somewhere (lord hope she doesn't). Holding down a job doesn't mean you're not a deadbeat.

Does one puff make you too stoned to drive somewhere? I mean, isn't it feasible that she's done it enough to know the impact and she does it in a way that it may give her what she needs without becoming totally intoxicated (or whatever the weed equivalent term is?)

Jesus christ, yes.

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Anonymous wrote:Does she really get more done than you do?

It sounds like she does the vast majority of the parenting.

She worked part time from home for the first six years, with our only child home with her full time. This, while I was in the office five days a week. We also at times have had vastly differing parenting philosophies, and her basic (and insistent) approach is "You just contribute financially, and let me be the lead on the parenting stuff." Was I wrong the just accept that rather than constantly fight her on it?

Jesus yes. Man up and be a parent. For God's sake your whiny passivity is annoying.

Here's an example of how the parenting goes in our family.

Teen leaves a major mess in the kitchen and expects parents to clean up after her. I tell her she needs to clean her mess, and mom tells her she's just a kid, she shouldn't have to do adult chores.

OP I totally get you and I’m a woman. Each partner needs to own their share of responsibilities in a marriage. Looks like you 2 have completely different parenting philosophies. That aside how is she going to be able to function at office full time with her weed addiction?


You can call it whiny passitivity, but if both parents aren't on the same team, the one kid is always going to side with the parent who benefits her the most.