Same! We bought a condo in 2019. It was a rushed purchase and we had few options in our price range. It appeared better than anything we could rent, but we've known since before we even closed that we would grow out of it in a few years.

Unfortunately, it's a lemon. I've posted about this before, but the TLR is that it was an illegal flip. The engineer has been indicted by the FBI and City Attorney. So have staff at the city building department. (They took bribes and signed off on permits and special inspections where the work wasn't done, like concrete poured without rebar.) The repair cost is $800k. It will take us decades to get out from under this all.

So, now we're stuck in a too small condo that was never intended to be a home and very much feels that way. I wish I could at least content myself with the neighborhood, but while we do have nice neighbors, our block is grungy and has a lot of seniors who have long since stopped caring about home or neighborhood beautification.

Previous owner went on a rampage of bad “upgrades” that owner before us just piled on. It bothers me and no amount of decorations can fix bad architecture.

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I love this thread! Thank you.

So many varying perspectives. For me, it’s not old house vs new house. It’s not about a shell.

Some of you really get me, and I appreciate that. I also appreciate the discussions.

I would appreciate more concrete ideas of what to look for and how to house hunt. Thank you.

I am a big believer in your gut.

Our first/starter home, we looked at two homes. I knew right away. Our current/forever(?) home, we looked for two years. Houses in our parameters would only come along every few months, and my DH would have jumped at any of them. But I just knew they weren't right. When our current home came along, I knew.

That said, there are still things that aren't perfect (no storage, only good sunlight in the kids' rooms, closed off kitchen) but little things have helped a lot. I guess it's like choosing a life partner . . . you will never find a perfect human, but you find someone with your "must haves" and whose downsides you can live with.

I don't know if this will help anyone on this thread, but there has been research that people are happier being the $800k house in the $600k neighborhood instead of being the $800k house in the $1 million neighborhood. It makes sense, right? There's no temptation to keep up with the Joneses if you aren't looking at people who have slightly more/better of everything than you do. It's sort of a shortcut to gratitude.

A lot of this thread resonates with me! Like one PP, I am like a plant who needs the sun, so maximizing light in our rowhome is critical, and I'm thinking of repainting our living/dining room white to help. Like others, lack of foyers, hallways, built in storage, and closets makes it hard to get stuff out of the way and feeling peaceful, even though i bought a beautiful bureau to store some stuff in in the living room.

But I think the biggest thing is that I can imagine ways to fix the issues and make it more homey, but we just don't have the time to DIY or money to hire it out right now. I want a finished space with tons of bright art and family photos and bookshelves, but the bookshelves are a MAJOR project that we have to do before we can finish decorating, and its really hard to even find time to paint or fix the crappy DIYs of the previous owner. We're both working and our youngest is in that always sick stage in day care, so we're often making up work at night and don't have local friends or family to help on weekends.

I would have preferred an "easier" house, and OP, congrats on finding one! For me, its an open question whether we'll make this house a home before we can afford to move...both feel years away!

The house we purchased here in 2015 has never seemed like a home to me; our first two houses did, in other places, but houses here are so expensive we just had to buy whatever we could afford that wasn't awful. And here we are. Think a lot of the more affordable housing stock here was just thrown up by speculators during the boom times and not very well thought out, no matter which decade.

Haven't been able to upgrade because, as feds, we are now priced out of everything nicer. So either waiting for the next deflation or until retirement to actually buy something that feels like "home."

I feel the same. Moved in 2011 and it has never had that cozy, comforting feeling. Granted, we had no money to update it, but now that we have done some updating it still feels ehhh. I am working in another country right now and my rental house feel more like home. My condo in another state feels more like home, and my childhood house in Europe also feels like home. Just not the house in MD.

I’ve never bought a house that didn’t feel like “home.” I did live in a house like that for a while that had been purchased by someone else, so I know what you mean. There was nothing I could do to make it feel right.

When househunting, I can tell within minutes of walking in the door whether I should continue looking. Luckily, my DH is the same way. We don’t always agree, but we don’t buy a house unless we both have a great “gut” feeling about it. It doesn’t mean that it has to be in perfect shape — the first house we bought together hadn’t even been painted since 1970 and needed tons of work. It had great “bones,” though. I agree with pp that light is a big part of it.

Nothing is better than driving up to my house at the end of the day and getting that warm “I love my home” feeling.

Anonymous wrote:Wow-- a great question! I love my new house because I had it built, so everything is tailored to my liking, but looking back, the only home that genuinely felt like home is the house I grew up in.

I spent my first 17 years there, and that's the place I think of when I think of home. I doubt I will ever be able to recapture that warm and safe feeling anywhere else.

Same. My parents moved into brand new when I was 4. I had two older siblings. We grew up there. Every Xmas Eve I can remember has been in that home. My kids have had every Xmas Eve in that home. I'm 52 and my dad passed away surrounded by my silblings and mom in the family room and my brother remarked it was the first time in years it was just the '5 of us again'. The grandkids had and inlaws had left by then. It was a very special and moving moment. We were the house that hosted so many of the neighorhood parties and my dad was a great cook and huge entertainer.

My boys LOVE our home. My oldest also moved into this home when he was 4. I like our home and love our neighborhood/location, but it's not 100% my taste or layout. I love its curb appeal and front/back yard. I am glad my boys (now teens) have the warm, fuzzy feeling for it that I had with my childhood home.

It really is wonderful to have that safe place filled with good memories. We plan to renovate the kitchen and some things when the boys leave for college and I think then it will feel more like 'me'. Prior owners had done a brand new renovation, but the counters and floor in the kitchen were never my true taste or style. It's got a ton of counter space so I couldn't justify pulling it all out when it was brand new.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have definitely felt that way before - it just was a "vibe". Decor or lighting could help but only so much.

So grateful to be in my home now. Hope your next place is just right.

Thank you. It’s filled with our photos, and my stuff. But it’s just not home. :-/

Maybe there’s something about the environment independent of the space that’s preventing your from settling in? Your schedule? The light that comes in? Maybe even just the phase of life with your kids…it’s hard for me to relax with my kids at their ages…never feels like there is a moment where I can just sink in a relax? Or the flow and arrangement keeps things in sight that keep your distracted?

Have you really thought about the features that made your former spaces “home-y”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I’m glad to report we moved into a brand new, beautiful house and it feels like HOME.

It’s clean, bright, and has so much space for the five of us. It requires no work.

Perhaps it’s in my head, but we all seem happier. At least, the kids and I do. Husband misses the old house.

But I feel so much better!

I’m so happy for you! I hope your husband gets over it, but he’s not the one who had to do the extra work so…

Tell us how your househunting went. Did you know you were “home” when you saw it?

I'm not in DC.

We looked at a few houses where we THOUGHT we wanted to be, but they were SO overpriced and we had to act NOW. It didn't feel right.

We ended up looking in a different county altogether. I did weeks of research on the schools and commute and community. We found the house, a new build, and it was just perfect. We knew it was the one because it was large, bright, new, spacious, and in a great location.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I’m glad to report we moved into a brand new, beautiful house and it feels like HOME.

It’s clean, bright, and has so much space for the five of us. It requires no work.

Perhaps it’s in my head, but we all seem happier. At least, the kids and I do. Husband misses the old house.

But I feel so much better!

I’m so happy for you! I hope your husband gets over it, but he’s not the one who had to do the extra work so…

Tell us how your househunting went. Did you know you were “home” when you saw it?

OP here.

I’m glad to report we moved into a brand new, beautiful house and it feels like HOME.

It’s clean, bright, and has so much space for the five of us. It requires no work.

Perhaps it’s in my head, but we all seem happier. At least, the kids and I do. Husband misses the old house.

But I feel so much better!

Anonymous wrote:13:58, thank you for that post.

I’m in a unique situation where my husband picked this house and he loves this house. He’s crushed to move. But I’m the one home all day. This house is so difficult for me.

He’s insistent that every house will have issues and I’ll never be satisfied.

I hope that’s not true.

You and I sound like the same person! I’m an NP, and definitely get it. I’ve lived in many places, including some that were cheap and/or pre-furnished and/or temporary and barely furnished, and my current home of 10 years is the only one that feels all wrong. And it’s my husband’s condo from before we got married. There are many things I enjoy about the place, including the leafy walkable neighborhood and the 100-year-old building, and we’ve fixed it up to be reasonably homey, but something has always been just … wrong. I’m not usually woo-woo about things, but I almost feel it’s the energy flow. There’s nothing we could do in terms of renovations that could make this place feel right.

(So why stay, right? There are always reasons. For us, it’s a combination of financial factors, my husband’s attachment to the place, and inertia in the face of the awful process of home sale/purchase/move.)

Considering I work out of my home, I feel you.

It wasn't until we bought a second home where I can work and stare at the water every day, see the sunrise and sunset and people wave as they drive by you that I really felt like NOVA sucks.

Alas my husband works in a high security environment so we can't actually move. So I just deal with it and love the short time I spend in our second home.

Anonymous wrote:13:58, thank you for that post.

I’m in a unique situation where my husband picked this house and he loves this house. He’s crushed to move. But I’m the one home all day. This house is so difficult for me.

He’s insistent that every house will have issues and I’ll never be satisfied.

I hope that’s not true.

Every house will have issues. But, you'll know your house feels like home when those issues don't interfere with your enjoyment of it (or they are fixable and actually get fixed).