I think people cheat because they feel unloved, unappreciated, undesired.

Yes, they may still love their partner very much. Even be in love with them and want to stay in the marriage. But some of their fundamental needs are going unmet so they cheat to feel satisfied again. To feel like it’s ok for them to have needs, which are often getting shut down due to issues in the primary relationship.

It just isn’t so black and white like you love someone and so you don’t want anyone else. I really believe that if your needs are satisfied and you feel good then cheating won’t be appealing — why put in the energy? If people do there has to be a reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not by my definition of love they cannot.

same

Agreed.

Anonymous wrote:Most men either cheat or have the urge to cheat but don’t due to lack of opportunity out or extreme self-control.

Totally this.

The Open Marriage Guy poster who says sexually satisfied men don't cheat is only half-right. There is a percentage of men who are attractive, charming and rich who have women pursue them even when married. Those guys will eventually cheat - no one has that much self-control - even if they are getting it at home. I think he is referring to the average man who doesn't have a ton of opportunities if married. They are probably faithful if they are satisfied at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious. How long does loyalty last for a man? If the sex is good but they fight here and there would they cheat? Asking mostly men. Also, if the woman is fat or has a stomach but you love them would you cheat if someone attractive wants you?

My first marriage, her second…

I was married seven years to an awesome woman, beautiful, fell in love with her after the first date. Sexually, down for anything. I didn’t realize/understand the emotional needs of a marriage, what she needed. She withdrew from sex and I went outside the marriage. Worst mistake I made. She’s on her third marriage and from what I’ve heard through the grapevine, it’s rocky.

I’m still taking blame in the demise of our marriage.

The trust issues and trauma she suffered from you are likely the cause of her failed subsequent marriages.

Anonymous wrote:So much blame laid at the feet of the wives.

I know a man who has cheated all his life, as a teen, as a married man in his 30s and still now in his early 50s.

During that time he's had gfs and a wife who he loved dearly.

cheating was never about them, always about opportunity.

Jay-Z did an interview after his reconciliation with Beyoncé. It was his upbringing and past traumas and not understanding what commitment/live really means. He did a ton of individual therapy. It was very insightful. He loves B dearly.

Cheating is about the cheater. Men like that compartmentalize.

So much blame laid at the feet of the wives.

I know a man who has cheated all his life, as a teen, as a married man in his 30s and still now in his early 50s.

During that time he's had gfs and a wife who he loved dearly.

cheating was never about them, always about opportunity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:man here, my marriage was actually sexless (technically, less that 10x per year - we did it once a season, on average).

I love my wife, she is an amazing woman and the mother of my kids but sex is a need she won't fulfill and won't work with me towards a solution.

I never, ever talk about her with AP except if she asks I tell her everything is great at home except we are sexless.

Makes sense?

Every terrible thing done makes sense when you think about it, so yeah. You’re a jerk with a definition of love that suits you. It makes a lot of sense.

He is a hero for saving his marriage. His wife should be buying holiday gifts for his AP in appreciation.

Yes. Gifts for the woman secretly plotting to end his marriage and get him to leave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:man here, my marriage was actually sexless (technically, less that 10x per year - we did it once a season, on average).

I love my wife, she is an amazing woman and the mother of my kids but sex is a need she won't fulfill and won't work with me towards a solution.

I never, ever talk about her with AP except if she asks I tell her everything is great at home except we are sexless.

Makes sense?

Every terrible thing done makes sense when you think about it, so yeah. You’re a jerk with a definition of love that suits you. It makes a lot of sense.

He is a hero for saving his marriage. His wife should be buying holiday gifts for his AP in appreciation.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. All men want to sleep with women other than their wives. It's just a matter of opportunity plus will power to say no. Will power is up or down depending on if they are having sex at home.

Women cheat too.

Most men either cheat or have the urge to cheat but don’t due to lack of opportunity out or extreme self-control.

NP. I don’t think this was written by a man. I think this was written by a betrayed woman trolling the APs on this board.

I agree. I think you are talking about the same poster I was when I suggested the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh and my wife isn’t a nag. So the irony was I was hearing somebody else’s nagging, complaining wife and that is part of what snapped me out of it and why I ended it and put myself in therapy.

I’m virtually positive you are actually the wife that posts about her DH cheating after 20+ years due to childhood trauma even though you had regular sex. The vocabulary and writing syntax are the same and all of these posts claiming to be the man that cheated sound like they were written by a woman. WHY do you do this? I was sympathetic to your story when you first posted almost two years ago, but you have become obsessive about sharing this narrative and it’s unhealthy.

I’m virtually positive I’m not, but thanks for calling me a woman. That hurts my ego a bit.

Nothing wrong with being a woman. Too bad you are small minded.

Anonymous wrote:Curious. How long does loyalty last for a man? If the sex is good but they fight here and there would they cheat? Asking mostly men. Also, if the woman is fat or has a stomach but you love them would you cheat if someone attractive wants you?

My first marriage, her second…

I was married seven years to an awesome woman, beautiful, fell in love with her after the first date. Sexually, down for anything. I didn’t realize/understand the emotional needs of a marriage, what she needed. She withdrew from sex and I went outside the marriage. Worst mistake I made. She’s on her third marriage and from what I’ve heard through the grapevine, it’s rocky.

I’m still taking blame in the demise of our marriage.

Anonymous wrote:man here, my marriage was actually sexless (technically, less that 10x per year - we did it once a season, on average).

I love my wife, she is an amazing woman and the mother of my kids but sex is a need she won't fulfill and won't work with me towards a solution.

I never, ever talk about her with AP except if she asks I tell her everything is great at home except we are sexless.

Makes sense?

Every terrible thing done makes sense when you think about it, so yeah. You’re a jerk with a definition of love that suits you. It makes a lot of sense.

Anonymous wrote:Is it cheating if it makes you happy? If you can keep a secret and live with no regrets, why wouldn’t you want to experience something different from time to time?

Did you miss the kindergarten lesson about honesty? Kindness? Integrity? Consideration? The golden rule? Any of that?