Anonymous wrote:My preference is to adopt an infant. Is this realistic at age 46? Fully prepared to pay for a private placement and birth mother's expenses.

I don't think you are too old and it is realistic.
But I am going to be honest that older first time mother's can struggle and I think the struggle is harder for single moms. You have to go from a lifetime of doing for yourself first to a quick change to doing for someone else first and the truth is you might not get to consider yourself for quite a while. In the baby stages it is ok because you expect it but toddlerhood and preschool years can hit hard. It doesn't mean you should become a mom though it just means that you might need more support than you are anticipating.

I think you also have some outdated ideas around adoption. Paying for private placements and birth mother expenses sound like something from an 80's lifetime movie Today, these are par for the course and you might end up paying them multiple times if a situation falls through. Paying expenses is dictated by law and doesn't happen in every state. Paying expenses doesn't guarantee a result and if you do pay such money, you are giving the money freely and can't ask for it back should a woman decide not to place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You are too old to adopt an infant and it is repugnant that you think nothing of buying another human being.

What caused your damage?

NP. There is validity in this comment blunt as it may seem. Look at OP's original post, half of which is: "Fully prepared to pay for a private placement and birth mother's expenses."

And she "prefers" an infant as though she is shopping for a particular pair of shoes.

Didn't spend a single word on her willingness to sacrifice anything other than money for said child, nor her emotional and spiritual journey to get to this point where she thinks she can be a loving and involved parent.

Again. What is your damage? You are digging & poking for for a hostile response. Go haunt another board you ghoul.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You are too old to adopt an infant and it is repugnant that you think nothing of buying another human being.

What caused your damage?

NP. There is validity in this comment blunt as it may seem. Look at OP's original post, half of which is: "Fully prepared to pay for a private placement and birth mother's expenses."

And she "prefers" an infant as though she is shopping for a particular pair of shoes.

Didn't spend a single word on her willingness to sacrifice anything other than money for said child, nor her emotional and spiritual journey to get to this point where she thinks she can be a loving and involved parent.

Give it a rest. Adoption is expensive and those are the expectations.

Exactly. A friend is looking to adopt a newborn domestically and is finding the BMs are fully expecting compensation for all manner of expenses. I don't know if it's right or wrong but that's what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You are too old to adopt an infant and it is repugnant that you think nothing of buying another human being.

What caused your damage?

NP. There is validity in this comment blunt as it may seem. Look at OP's original post, half of which is: "Fully prepared to pay for a private placement and birth mother's expenses."

And she "prefers" an infant as though she is shopping for a particular pair of shoes.

Didn't spend a single word on her willingness to sacrifice anything other than money for said child, nor her emotional and spiritual journey to get to this point where she thinks she can be a loving and involved parent.

Give it a rest. Adoption is expensive and those are the expectations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You are too old to adopt an infant and it is repugnant that you think nothing of buying another human being.

What caused your damage?

NP. There is validity in this comment blunt as it may seem. Look at OP's original post, half of which is: "Fully prepared to pay for a private placement and birth mother's expenses."

And she "prefers" an infant as though she is shopping for a particular pair of shoes.

Didn't spend a single word on her willingness to sacrifice anything other than money for said child, nor her emotional and spiritual journey to get to this point where she thinks she can be a loving and involved parent.

I think it’s obvious. The person adopting a child, it’s already pretty nobel. Her whole life raising this child will be a sacrifice!
What’s up with you people? Motherhood is not easy even with biological children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You are too old to adopt an infant and it is repugnant that you think nothing of buying another human being.

What caused your damage?

NP. There is validity in this comment blunt as it may seem. Look at OP's original post, half of which is: "Fully prepared to pay for a private placement and birth mother's expenses."

And she "prefers" an infant as though she is shopping for a particular pair of shoes.

Didn't spend a single word on her willingness to sacrifice anything other than money for said child, nor her emotional and spiritual journey to get to this point where she thinks she can be a loving and involved parent.

I would say 50-55 would be the cut off. You are giving a child a home and it's the same as starting a family. Plus don't listen to the angry people whose lives didn't work out.

Also, you're in a stable relationship instead of having kids and going through a horrible divorce.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a single parent but my husband and I adopted an infant when we were 48 and he had just turned 51. It is the best thing ever. I lost my bio mom when I was 6. My husband was 23 when he lost his dad at 49. We were dating when he lost his mom when he was 35 and she was 60. Two of the moms of my son’s friends have been diagnosed with cancer, one brain cancer at 35 and one breast cancer at 40. Life is a crapshoot.

I didn’t not think you are too old. My husband and I do all sorts of active things with our son. We hike, ski, swim, run, mountain bike etc. My almost 5 year old is high energy. He can hike 8 miles with us and keep up just fine. He isn’t too much for us either. Of course we are tired at the end of the day but so are all parents of young kids.

I say if you want to be a parent, you can make it happen.

Why did you wait so long?

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You are too old to adopt an infant and it is repugnant that you think nothing of buying another human being.

What caused your damage?

Yes. You are too old to adopt an infant and it is repugnant that you think nothing of buying another human being.

Anonymous wrote:I think the cutoff for many agencies is 45.

If I am 40 and my DH is 46 will it be ok, or he is too old?

After a year of research, I kept hesitating (because I think I "got" the seriousness of the decision I was making). But then I realized, that love cannot be made risk-free.

At some point, you have to trust and step off the edge.

I am SO SO glad that I found that courage.

You will never regret adopting. You will regret never having a child. Do it!

I found adopting to be not so difficult as many nay-Sayers here would write. Because I (internationally) adopted my son in my 40s I had already paid off my home and had a good chunk of money "in the bank." I had good life insurance and disability insurance from my job. If I died my son would inherit my paid-off home and all my financial worth. This boy is set for life!

Adopters are required to have their "ducks in a row" while bio parents can take home a baby to god knows what situation. As others have said, go for it, OP. Your heart will thank you.

Go for it! Also - Get disability and life insurance policies.