Anonymous wrote:I’ve met many adult children who had parents that got caught cheating, had affairs, often alcohol abuse went have and hand, not a single one of them think cheating is justified. None.

Well consider yourself to have met me. My dad cheated on my mother. I don't have an alcohol abuse problem and do think there are a few scenarios where cheating is understandable namely abuse and long-term illness in which the partner is alive but no longer there.

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Anonymous wrote:I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

Unfortunately if that is the case cheating greatly increases your chances of actually being murdered.

Yep.

Anonymous wrote:I know a few women who are 100% checked out but can't leave (various forms of abuse and threats, finances, children). Very sad situations and I wish I knew how to help. One told me she knows the only options she has are cheating and death.

To save her sanity, could be.

I talked with several lawyers; all bad options but now I know them. And if he goes in a bender, my hands will be tied and I’ll make my calls.

I was well along the divorce path, there were many reasons including his cheating, before I cheated with a guy who was single. It was wonderful to have someone to talk to and the physical intimacy was a life saver. My children never found out about it and the relationship ended soon after the divorce was final because he relocated. I remarried five years ago to a great guy, my kids are now out of the house and happy and life goes on. I'd hate to have to repeat that part of my life but I don't regret what I did.

Cheating as an exit strategy?

Anonymous wrote:I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

Unfortunately if that is the case cheating greatly increases your chances of actually being murdered.

I know a few women who are 100% checked out but can't leave (various forms of abuse and threats, finances, children). Very sad situations and I wish I knew how to help. One told me she knows the only options she has are cheating and death.

Anonymous wrote:I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

So if your spouse is abusive and you think your spouse will murder you, it’s ok to cheat? How about if she has time to go visit a lover, she could move out during that time? Use that time in a better way.

I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

Anonymous wrote:I think I would just separate

Also emotional affairs are worse imo

Emotional neglect is damaging as well.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. One situation that comes to mind is one spouse refusing sex.

But that is not your choice to make alone. You have a legal partner.

Tell them your ultimatum but don’t force them to share your sleazy life, without consent.

I think I would just separate

Also emotional affairs are worse imo

^ though they certainly believed their betrayed parent divorcing was justified. Most have no relationship, or very limited, with the cheater parent.

I’ve met many adult children who had parents that got caught cheating, had affairs, often alcohol abuse went have and hand, not a single one of them think cheating is justified. None.

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Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I'm sure his wife hurts like hell after finding out a man she gave unconditional trust to, had an entire life and children with, was banging you. That pain is visceral and causes severe trauma, especially as she tries to piece together all of the times he was with you when he said he was somewhere else.

Nope. You get zero sympathy for your pain as you were part and parcel of another woman's.

I'm sorry I must have missed where they said that the guys were married. Oh no that's just you projecting so you can be the perpetual victim wallowing in her own misery because her husband cheated on her.

I haven't read a single thread on this post where the married affair woman's AP was single. This thread was the first that anyone has claimed he was single. In all the multitude upon multitude of women cheating threads they were banging married men. It's statistically a minority, particularly given the ages of these married women. The pool is just not that large with kids and 40+.