Anonymous
09/26/2021 19:28
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why get so precious?
Regardless, feminist women are kidding themselves with “keeping their names.” We have a patriarchal naming system, so if anything, you are just keeping and “passing on” your DAD’s name.
Seriously, it’s one dude’s name or another (your husband’s or your dad’s!)
This is such a tired argument. The name I was born with is my name; I've had it my whole life as a person, including when I was adult enough to decide to get married. Why is it only my dad's name?
Is your 2nd middle name your mom's maiden name? If not, why saddle your kid with extra names? The name given at birth will be their name their whole life, not just their dad's name.
Yes, my 2nd middle name is my mother's maiden name. It's never been a problem, but I travel in fairly international circles. My kids have 4 names, and yes, it works for us. What is the problem? I literally don't understand your point.
Because whatever name you give the kid is "their" name. One middle, 2, none, whatever. Your argument makes no sense.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 19:21
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
I changed my own last name to my mothers original last name when I was in college. It is the middle name of all my kids. I also chose my children's first names. This is the agreement we made if the kids were to have his last name rather than mine.
So it's:
Fistnameofmychoice + mymother'smaidenname + husband's last name. For all 3 kids.
So it's:
Fistnameofmychoice + mymother'smaidenname + husband's last name. For all 3 kids.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 18:28
Subject: Re:Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
My kid isn’t putting their middle name on their school assignments or being called by called by their middle name in school. Middle names aren’t secret names but they aren’t used much in any context. The only difference is that many forms only have room for three names while some forms— including their photo id’s — have room for 4 names.
It’s odd to me how much this seems to bother some posters or why they seem to have such trouble accepting it, but if OP is still around I would suggest she do what she wants— she wouldn’t be the first or last and there are no problems from doing it.
It’s odd to me how much this seems to bother some posters or why they seem to have such trouble accepting it, but if OP is still around I would suggest she do what she wants— she wouldn’t be the first or last and there are no problems from doing it.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 15:04
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just do one middle name
+1
No one wants FOUR names. No one. It looks and sounds dumb.
The ignorance of Americans is astounding.
Much of the world uses 4 names.
If you are an American raising kids in America, then the American naming tradition should apply. What others do in other countries doesn’t matter.
and we can all guess your politics ... 'merica.
Not even close!
Lifelong bleeding heart liberal with a social justice warrior job in DC.
I hyphenated my last name and gave it to my kids.
That’s one commonly accepted approach in America. Another is to use the maiden name as a middle name. In the south, some traditionalists use double-barreled first names (some even hyphenate them).
It seems odd to embrace a non-American naming concept if you are American and raising kids in America where they will be using American forms based on American naming conventions.
No clue why you felt compelled to make a political assumption and inject politics into this discussion. Sadly, that speaks volumes about how far we’ve fallen into dangerous divisiveness.
Yeah, it’s so uncool! All the cool kids have 3 names.
?
Nobody said it was cool or uncool.
It’s a societal norm, and our country’s databases are set up for 3 names. That’s just a fact. If you want to buck the system and create a potential headache for yourself and your child, go for it.
But, I’m still curious what the goal is? If you actually want the name to be used, known or live on, then you should formalize it in a traditional way accepted in the US and by US systems. Otherwise it’s likely to fall by the wayside.
Nobody will call your kid James Alexander Malcolm McKenzie Fraser. He’s just Jamie Fraser. His own kids will struggle to remember his name, and his grandchildren certainly won’t know it. What’s the point?
Having done this I can say it has been no headache whatsoever. As for why to do it, we chose a name we loved for the first name, memorialized a dead relative with a middle name, and then made sure both parents were represented in the other two names. The suggestion that it only makes sense if grandchildren will know it just seems bizarre to me, and the argument from societal norms/databases is just as weak.
I guess I’d say that some families choose to have a single last name as their way of showing they are a family unit this is ours— even if it mostly is nly appears on drivers licenses and passports. Personally it works better for us than having a grown woman change her name but of course ymmv.
I hyphenated so the world realizes I have a double-barreled last name. Everyone calls me Jane Smith-Jones. Kids have a hyphenated last name as well.
Practically speaking: what do people call your kids?
Are you Jane Smith and your husband Dave Jones?
Does the world call your kid Larla Jones? What does she write on school assignments? Larla Smith Jones or just Larla Jones?
The point is: what was your goal? If it’s just a secret name that is on a birth certificate and nowhere else, what’s the point?
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:56
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just do one middle name
+1
No one wants FOUR names. No one. It looks and sounds dumb.
The ignorance of Americans is astounding.
Much of the world uses 4 names.
If you are an American raising kids in America, then the American naming tradition should apply. What others do in other countries doesn’t matter.
and we can all guess your politics ... 'merica.
Not even close!
Lifelong bleeding heart liberal with a social justice warrior job in DC.
I hyphenated my last name and gave it to my kids.
That’s one commonly accepted approach in America. Another is to use the maiden name as a middle name. In the south, some traditionalists use double-barreled first names (some even hyphenate them).
It seems odd to embrace a non-American naming concept if you are American and raising kids in America where they will be using American forms based on American naming conventions.
No clue why you felt compelled to make a political assumption and inject politics into this discussion. Sadly, that speaks volumes about how far we’ve fallen into dangerous divisiveness.
Yeah, it’s so uncool! All the cool kids have 3 names.
?
Nobody said it was cool or uncool.
It’s a societal norm, and our country’s databases are set up for 3 names. That’s just a fact. If you want to buck the system and create a potential headache for yourself and your child, go for it.
But, I’m still curious what the goal is? If you actually want the name to be used, known or live on, then you should formalize it in a traditional way accepted in the US and by US systems. Otherwise it’s likely to fall by the wayside.
Nobody will call your kid James Alexander Malcolm McKenzie Fraser. He’s just Jamie Fraser. His own kids will struggle to remember his name, and his grandchildren certainly won’t know it. What’s the point?
Having done this I can say it has been no headache whatsoever. As for why to do it, we chose a name we loved for the first name, memorialized a dead relative with a middle name, and then made sure both parents were represented in the other two names. The suggestion that it only makes sense if grandchildren will know it just seems bizarre to me, and the argument from societal norms/databases is just as weak.
I guess I’d say that some families choose to have a single last name as their way of showing they are a family unit this is ours— even if it mostly is nly appears on drivers licenses and passports. Personally it works better for us than having a grown woman change her name but of course ymmv.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:48
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:We did this. In birth cert, passport and social security they have 2 middle names. In school forms its just the one middle name. I haven't seem an issue yet.
Haven’t read all six pages but this is our experience too. Kid is in college and I haven’t asked them but my impression is they like having both names as a connection (we all have two middle names now).
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:45
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
My sister did it with one of her kids and regrets it. They never use the second middle name, it’s a pain on forms, and it doesn’t even show on the school forms so defeats the purpose of making her easily identifable as the mom. She didn’t do it for her subsequent kids.
I have a different name than my kids and I think it’s a total non issue. The schools and other parents do not blink at this and none of them has ever even gotten my name wrong. Sometimes one of the kid’s that doesn’t know we very well will call me Mrs. kidslastname. But more often they call me miss myfirstname, just my first name, or mykidsfirstname’s Mom.
I would hyphenate last names before I did two middle names.
I have a different name than my kids and I think it’s a total non issue. The schools and other parents do not blink at this and none of them has ever even gotten my name wrong. Sometimes one of the kid’s that doesn’t know we very well will call me Mrs. kidslastname. But more often they call me miss myfirstname, just my first name, or mykidsfirstname’s Mom.
I would hyphenate last names before I did two middle names.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:38
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just do one middle name
+1
No one wants FOUR names. No one. It looks and sounds dumb.
The ignorance of Americans is astounding.
Much of the world uses 4 names.
If you are an American raising kids in America, then the American naming tradition should apply. What others do in other countries doesn’t matter.
and we can all guess your politics ... 'merica.
Not even close!
Lifelong bleeding heart liberal with a social justice warrior job in DC.
I hyphenated my last name and gave it to my kids.
That’s one commonly accepted approach in America. Another is to use the maiden name as a middle name. In the south, some traditionalists use double-barreled first names (some even hyphenate them).
It seems odd to embrace a non-American naming concept if you are American and raising kids in America where they will be using American forms based on American naming conventions.
No clue why you felt compelled to make a political assumption and inject politics into this discussion. Sadly, that speaks volumes about how far we’ve fallen into dangerous divisiveness.
Yeah, it’s so uncool! All the cool kids have 3 names.
?
Nobody said it was cool or uncool.
It’s a societal norm, and our country’s databases are set up for 3 names. That’s just a fact. If you want to buck the system and create a potential headache for yourself and your child, go for it.
But, I’m still curious what the goal is? If you actually want the name to be used, known or live on, then you should formalize it in a traditional way accepted in the US and by US systems. Otherwise it’s likely to fall by the wayside.
Nobody will call your kid James Alexander Malcolm McKenzie Fraser. He’s just Jamie Fraser. His own kids will struggle to remember his name, and his grandchildren certainly won’t know it. What’s the point?
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:28
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just do one middle name
+1
No one wants FOUR names. No one. It looks and sounds dumb.
The ignorance of Americans is astounding.
Much of the world uses 4 names.
If you are an American raising kids in America, then the American naming tradition should apply. What others do in other countries doesn’t matter.
and we can all guess your politics ... 'merica.
Not even close!
Lifelong bleeding heart liberal with a social justice warrior job in DC.
I hyphenated my last name and gave it to my kids.
That’s one commonly accepted approach in America. Another is to use the maiden name as a middle name. In the south, some traditionalists use double-barreled first names (some even hyphenate them).
It seems odd to embrace a non-American naming concept if you are American and raising kids in America where they will be using American forms based on American naming conventions.
No clue why you felt compelled to make a political assumption and inject politics into this discussion. Sadly, that speaks volumes about how far we’ve fallen into dangerous divisiveness.
Yeah, it’s so uncool! All the cool kids have 3 names.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:28
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
But you insist that "American" is one approach. Don't you know many people who don't follow what you did are also American? It's mind blowing.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:25
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:^ the point is that you are assuming "America" is a white America. And there are many cultures, including parts of US American culture (e.g., Latino) in which people use 4 names. So saying something like "you are in America now" is just offensive and ignorant.
Nobody said that.
But I’ll play along.
Isn’t what the op is suggesting cultural appropriation? She’s borrowing a naming convention from another culture to meet her own needs.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:22
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just do one middle name
+1
No one wants FOUR names. No one. It looks and sounds dumb.
The ignorance of Americans is astounding.
Much of the world uses 4 names.
If you are an American raising kids in America, then the American naming tradition should apply. What others do in other countries doesn’t matter.
and we can all guess your politics ... 'merica.
Not even close!
Lifelong bleeding heart liberal with a social justice warrior job in DC.
I hyphenated my last name and gave it to my kids.
That’s one commonly accepted approach in America. Another is to use the maiden name as a middle name. In the south, some traditionalists use double-barreled first names (some even hyphenate them).
It seems odd to embrace a non-American naming concept if you are American and raising kids in America where they will be using American forms based on American naming conventions.
No clue why you felt compelled to make a political assumption and inject politics into this discussion. Sadly, that speaks volumes about how far we’ve fallen into dangerous divisiveness.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 14:13
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
^ the point is that you are assuming "America" is a white America. And there are many cultures, including parts of US American culture (e.g., Latino) in which people use 4 names. So saying something like "you are in America now" is just offensive and ignorant.
Anonymous
09/26/2021 13:57
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just do one middle name
+1
No one wants FOUR names. No one. It looks and sounds dumb.
The ignorance of Americans is astounding.
Much of the world uses 4 names.
If you are an American raising kids in America, then the American naming tradition should apply. What others do in other countries doesn’t matter.
and we can all guess your politics ... 'merica.
DP but what's the alternative? We put the old country and their ways on a pedestal? What's the difference?
Anonymous
09/26/2021 13:57
Subject: Mother’s Last Name as Baby’s Second Middle Name
Anonymous wrote:I always wish we followed the Spanish naming system with two last names
+100