I can see that this is upsetting, but as long as he graduates...it will be forgotten in a few years (assuming that you can afford the extension).

He will pay his own price, in having to explain this to people (and live with the consequences). I would not worry too much. Perhaps he felt like he could not discuss it with you at the time. You might expore that if it feels like a plausible dynamic in your family.

He is not a horrible outlier (taking more than 4 years to graduate) and that should not be your concern anyway. He is your kid, and you have to roll with that.

My kid is graduating on time, but many of her friends will wind up graduating early (because of APs). So, she will be a bit left out when all is said and done...but it is fine. They are not in a race. Just try to help him accomplish his goals.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought the five-year plan was normal nowadays, especially for engineering.

Oh no not at all. Schools care about their stats. 92% graduation rate in 4 years at MIT.

MIT was quick to push someone out onto medical leave if and when they needed it rather than have them fail out.

MIT’s 4 yr is 87%

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:~15% of students take 5-6 years.

I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Not at Ivies, not at any top private university.

BS every single day students take 5 to 6 years to graduate.

Not every kid is the same.

The data has already been posted, it’s less than 10% of each class. And who exactly is in that cohort? The smartest, most ambitious kiddos or kids with documented health issues and slackers?

In the Ivy League there is the top 5% and everybody else. Nobody is going to excel past a 5 yr kid vs everybody else (minus the top 5%).

My kid at a top SLAC took a gap year because there were no in-person classes, and most of her peers did the same. Her school has the highest 4-year graduation rate among all liberal arts colleges but there is an expectation that this rate will fall significantly due to COVID. Your son will be fine.

I knew kids that graduated a year late and they weren't scorned or anything because of it. They still kept their friends through graduation, and they became better friends with next year's senior's the next year. I would think that kids especially would be understanding of this weird time during covid.

I think it's a good point that you need to make sure kid understands that decisions with financial ramifications like this need to be discussed early and up front. If this was your kid's communication style in a marriage that would be awful for partner.

But I would try not to make kid feel guilty about extra time itself. This stuff has been really hard. It's amazing we are not all going completely crazy. A little bit of extra time isn't too bad. I would check in with him and see if there is anything else he needs, because given his communication issues in the past, it's possible that this was just the first part of a bit of a free fall and he is still having a bit of trouble but has not wanted to tell you.

Anonymous wrote:I thought the five-year plan was normal nowadays, especially for engineering.

Oh no not at all. Schools care about their stats. 92% graduation rate in 4 years at MIT.

MIT was quick to push someone out onto medical leave if and when they needed it rather than have them fail out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:~15% of students take 5-6 years.

I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Not at Ivies, not at any top private university.

BS every single day students take 5 to 6 years to graduate.

Not every kid is the same.

Yeah it’s common at degree mills who admit everyone. Smart kids don’t need more than 4; a bachelor’s with AP credits can easily be finished in 3 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought the five-year plan was normal nowadays, especially for engineering.

I was in a sorority at a state school in the 90s and none of my sisters took more than 4 years, even the dullest frat boys graduated on time. Sticking around the college town for another 12 months when everyone moved on would have been really, really awkward and frankly, depressing.

You were in an engineering sorority?

Or were you mostly education majors.?

Some of my sisters were engineering majors, most were marketing, English, communications, political science and pre-med. More of the fraternities were engineering majors, but even among them, it would have been abnormal to not graduate with your class. I know some of the engineers stuck around an extra year to early their master's — but they didn't delay graduation, they walked with their class and partied with everyone graduating.

What year did you graduate?

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather not specify the college. Son is a class of 2022 but just disclosed he hated remote coursework and dropped quite a few courses over the last year, which will push him into the class of 2023. We understand, to an extent, but we're honestly worried about him socially. He has not told his friends because he's not really sure how or why he has to. But isn't it going to be extremely awkward when literally all of his classmates are graduating and he's not? His college and the Ivy League in general appear to have a near perfect graduation rate.

Nobody cares what your son is doing. They ate focused on themselves and thrir own lives. For friends he can just say i am graduating in 2023. And they will say ok. No biggie

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:~15% of students take 5-6 years.

I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Not at Ivies, not at any top private university.

BS every single day students take 5 to 6 years to graduate.

Not every kid is the same.

The data has already been posted, it’s less than 10% of each class. And who exactly is in that cohort? The smartest, most ambitious kiddos or kids with documented health issues and slackers?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:~15% of students take 5-6 years.

I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Not at Ivies, not at any top private university.

BS every single day students take 5 to 6 years to graduate.

Not every kid is the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smart kids loaded up on easy online courses to graduate early.

And what did they actually learn? Oh, the ONLY goal was to graduate early. I get it. The goal wasn't to gain any knowledge or skills. I pity their future employers.

The sort of kids who loaded up on cyber courses and do well — displaying a go-getter attitude, ambition, and excellent time management — are precisely the sort of kids employers seek. You sound either ignorant or like some sort of contrarian troll.

So you'll ignore the fact the post above says they loaded up on easy courses....Sure, that's very "go-getter" indeed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smart kids loaded up on easy online courses to graduate early.

And what did they actually learn? Oh, the ONLY goal was to graduate early. I get it. The goal wasn't to gain any knowledge or skills. I pity their future employers.

My niece at Vanderbilt only has to take three courses total between August to May of her senior year, so her summer internship is paying her to work remote full-time all school year. I’d say that’s a far better position than OP’s son finds himself in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be furious at the extra year of tuition, room & board.

Yes!!! You should have made clear to him that such financial decisions need to be discussed with the ones who pay!

While OP should have made that clear, the clarity needed to happen LONG before the DS went away to college.

To OP, if OP is still reading:

I would take a breath and have a serious talk with DS about why he felt he could not share with you, at the time, that the online courses were a problem for him. I don't just mean "ask your permission to drop." I mean, talk with you about why he felt the way he felt about them, what the consequences would be academically and financially, etc. If my own college student did things like drop classes to the extent it would add a year, my first concern would be why my young adult was SO leery about talking to me much earlier in the process.

There may be a lot else going on re: college and your DS's life of which you're unaware, and/or your DS may feel (but not admit he feels) afraid of delivering bad news, or appearing to be a less than ideal student, to you.

The dropped classes, well, that is what it is. You and spouse and DS need to talk about how, going forward, you are all going to communicate far, far better and much earlier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smart kids loaded up on easy online courses to graduate early.

And what did they actually learn? Oh, the ONLY goal was to graduate early. I get it. The goal wasn't to gain any knowledge or skills. I pity their future employers.

The sort of kids who loaded up on cyber courses and do well — displaying a go-getter attitude, ambition, and excellent time management — are precisely the sort of kids employers seek. You sound either ignorant or like some sort of contrarian troll.