Anonymous
10/14/2021 13:36
Subject: Explain this weird MIL behavior
I married into an Italian family with an important ritual of eating at the MIL’s house every Sunday after church. My then-wife was so committed to and even stressed out over cooking and baking especially over the holidays. Well I am am so glad to be divorced from that life! It just was not for me.
Anonymous
10/14/2021 13:30
Subject: Explain this weird MIL behavior
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's about control and/or insecurity about not feeling needed by anyone.
The "feeling needed" is really helpful. Thanks.
I do suspect that as she is getting older she fears she is losing relevance. She does not follow the news, read or have any hobbies, so it is difficult to have much of a conversation with her.
NP. It sounds like you know all of these possible reasons perfectly well, and you just want to relish the validation of other people besides you saying she feels old, irrelevant, anxious, fearful, losing control. Hope your mean satisfaction is useful to you.
Being acerbic on DCUM seems to give you some kind of mean satisfaction. So you do you.
It isn’t “mean” to look reality in the face. You don’t like your MIL, and you like gossiping about how odd she is.
I’m a new poster. If this is your definition of gossip, I’m confused why are you on this board? This board is meant for talking about issues/getting help and that requires providing a background on a situation or personality. If you consider this gossip, then you shouldn’t be on this board or you need to get off of your high horse. Your response was not helpful.
Anonymous
10/14/2021 11:29
Subject: Explain this weird MIL behavior
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a personal identity thing and a desire to still feel useful and like she can help with something. I believe you said, upthread, she doesn’t have much else going on. I think she makes a big deal out of doing this once a week and she sees it as something she can contribute to the world and her family. It can be really hard to grow older and feel like you’ve lost your identity and can no longer care for the people you love. Of course it’s annoying to have to deal with someone so desperate to “help” but, honestly, I’d lean in to it. I’d keep going and compliment her cooking throughout the dinner and just keep saying “no thanks, I’m so full, this was an amazing meal!”. I know some people would disagree with this but I see it as an act of grace and as a small self sacrifice that has a major positive impact on your MIL. Going and showing appreciation is an act of kindness.
My grandmother was a busy career woman with about a million interests up unit the day she died. She always joked she was a terrible cook
Sorry, I submitted this early! Anyway, grandma never cooked but she loved to have long philosophical discussions and talk about world events. As she got older, she would repeat the same things and lose her points often but my mom and dad would spend time with her talking for hours, anyway. I think it was tiring for them and probably a little boring but they did it out of love for her. I admire them for being willing to put aside their preferences so she could hang onto her sense of self and dignity.
Anonymous
10/14/2021 11:23
Subject: Explain this weird MIL behavior
I think it’s a personal identity thing and a desire to still feel useful and like she can help with something. I believe you said, upthread, she doesn’t have much else going on. I think she makes a big deal out of doing this once a week and she sees it as something she can contribute to the world and her family. It can be really hard to grow older and feel like you’ve lost your identity and can no longer care for the people you love. Of course it’s annoying to have to deal with someone so desperate to “help” but, honestly, I’d lean in to it. I’d keep going and compliment her cooking throughout the dinner and just keep saying “no thanks, I’m so full, this was an amazing meal!”. I know some people would disagree with this but I see it as an act of grace and as a small self sacrifice that has a major positive impact on your MIL. Going and showing appreciation is an act of kindness.
My grandmother was a busy career woman with about a million interests up unit the day she died. She always joked she was a terrible cook
My grandmother was a busy career woman with about a million interests up unit the day she died. She always joked she was a terrible cook