Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH (30) and I (30) have been married for two years. He is a great guy - kind, affectionate, and responsible. However, I am concerned about his drinking habits. (6-7 drinks on the weekdays and more on Fri-Sun.). The drinking is not affecting his work or his driving but it does cause him to become clearly drunk, annoying to be around, and uncoordinated. Sometimes, say maybe once a month, he drinks alone to excess, which also worries me. I told him that I was concerned about the drinking but oftentimes he would just get defensive or mad at me, say that he it doesn't affect him and divert the conversation instead to a laundry list of issues he has with me. After some time, we finally agreed to no hard alcohol during the week because of my concerns. However, the wine consumption just increased to sharing two bottles of wine on weeknights, the majority of which he would drink. Today after work I started making dinner and noticed he had drunk an entire bottle alone even before I was finished with work. He drank the majority of the second bottle as well. I probably should have let it go, but I said that I was concerned about the quantity of wine he was drinking, particularly drinking alone, and that I wanted us to try to do a few weeks of not drinking. He had promised to not drink with me when we start trying for kids, but I honestly want to see if he means that and can actually do it. He again got defensive, called me names, told me how I was wrong about a myriad of other issues in our relationship, and he refused to address the issue. This has happened numerous times. It gets to the point where I don't even want to talk to him about how I feel anymore because I know I am just going to be attacked for something unrelated. But maybe I am being overbearing by attempting to control his drinking. Do I just let this go and stop bringing it up? What can I do?

Is the term starter marriage still being used.

Anonymous wrote:My DH (30) and I (30) have been married for two years. He is a great guy - kind, affectionate, and responsible. However, I am concerned about his drinking habits. (6-7 drinks on the weekdays and more on Fri-Sun.). The drinking is not affecting his work or his driving but it does cause him to become clearly drunk, annoying to be around, and uncoordinated. Sometimes, say maybe once a month, he drinks alone to excess, which also worries me. I told him that I was concerned about the drinking but oftentimes he would just get defensive or mad at me, say that he it doesn't affect him and divert the conversation instead to a laundry list of issues he has with me. After some time, we finally agreed to no hard alcohol during the week because of my concerns. However, the wine consumption just increased to sharing two bottles of wine on weeknights, the majority of which he would drink. Today after work I started making dinner and noticed he had drunk an entire bottle alone even before I was finished with work. He drank the majority of the second bottle as well. I probably should have let it go, but I said that I was concerned about the quantity of wine he was drinking, particularly drinking alone, and that I wanted us to try to do a few weeks of not drinking. He had promised to not drink with me when we start trying for kids, but I honestly want to see if he means that and can actually do it. He again got defensive, called me names, told me how I was wrong about a myriad of other issues in our relationship, and he refused to address the issue. This has happened numerous times. It gets to the point where I don't even want to talk to him about how I feel anymore because I know I am just going to be attacked for something unrelated. But maybe I am being overbearing by attempting to control his drinking. Do I just let this go and stop bringing it up? What can I do?

Anonymous wrote:I'm also watching this thread. My DH is older (late 40's) and doesn't drink as much but he's definitely dependent on alcohol and it's similar in the sense that he's a good guy, etc. An example of recent behavior-he had a few beers by himself at home on Friday night, Saturday night we went out with friends and he got drunk (slurring words, uncoordinated, etc) and tonight (Monday) he met up with a friend and had a beer or two (which obviously isn't much but I don't get the need to drink again on a Monday when you were drunk on a Saturday). Nothing I say or do makes a difference. This has been going on for years-his argument is that it's never impacted his work, he's never had a DUI and he doesn't drink every day (all true) but I can't help but be concerned/annoyed. When we were younger I didn't think much of it but we're both pushing 50.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH and I stuck with the no drinking through end of the month like we had agreed. There were no issues or sneaking anything. I personally missed having a glass of wine a few times and I think my DH did as well but after a week we both had pretty much gotten into a routine and the lack of drinks even in social situations was not a problem. I felt really good about how it went!

Today was the first day back to “normal.” It was also my DH’s last day at his prior job and day before we go on a big trip, so cause for celebration. We split a nice bottle of champagne and definitely felt it more than usual. My DH then proceeded to drink two martinis (3 shots each), a large serving of whiskey, and half a bottle of wine over about 4 hours during/after dinner. I feel like we are back to where we were. I brought that up, and DH got annoyed with me. Am I being neurotic? Is it possible/a good idea to jointly come up with what a “reasonable” amount of drinking is and both agree to it?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH and I stuck with the no drinking through end of the month like we had agreed. There were no issues or sneaking anything. I personally missed having a glass of wine a few times and I think my DH did as well but after a week we both had pretty much gotten into a routine and the lack of drinks even in social situations was not a problem. I felt really good about how it went!

Today was the first day back to “normal.” It was also my DH’s last day at his prior job and day before we go on a big trip, so cause for celebration. We split a nice bottle of champagne and definitely felt it more than usual. My DH then proceeded to drink two martinis (3 shots each), a large serving of whiskey, and half a bottle of wine over about 4 hours during/after dinner. I feel like we are back to where we were. I brought that up, and DH got annoyed with me. Am I being neurotic? Is it possible/a good idea to jointly come up with what a “reasonable” amount of drinking is and both agree to it?

Yeah, a 30 y/o OP should wait a few years until she can confirm he's stone sober. Or divorce and hope she meets and marries another fellow before she needs IVF. Get real.

Get pregnant a-sap and make the bloke grow up now. He's a drunk because he's BORED. You're both too old to not have children running around.

This was my mom's plan. Can't say I'd recommend it!