Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having domestic "staff".

Yeah. My bedsheets are always matchy-matchy, pillowcases too, because our housekeeper does our beds. I haven't made my bed iin 3 years. I think I did two loads of laundry in 2014. I work, don't throw stones.

If the sheets were left to me our beds would be an absolute wreck.

I wear my DH's cotton undershirts to go grocery shopping. Funny to see women with cotton Coach bags look me up and down.

Your housekeeper works too.

Most of us work in some way, n'est ce pas?

Yes. She is a godsend. I just didn't want anyone to think I lolled around all day taking baths in tubs of milk or something. I am not a SAHM. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but then again, maybe there is if you don't work outside OR inside the home.

Please don't use French like that. It is the height of pretention.

Just following your lead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having domestic "staff".

Yeah. My bedsheets are always matchy-matchy, pillowcases too, because our housekeeper does our beds. I haven't made my bed iin 3 years. I think I did two loads of laundry in 2014. I work, don't throw stones.

If the sheets were left to me our beds would be an absolute wreck.

I wear my DH's cotton undershirts to go grocery shopping. Funny to see women with cotton Coach bags look me up and down.

Your housekeeper works too.

Most of us work in some way, n'est ce pas?

Yes. She is a godsend. I just didn't want anyone to think I lolled around all day taking baths in tubs of milk or something. I am not a SAHM. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but then again, maybe there is if you don't work outside OR inside the home.

Please don't use French like that. It is the height of pretention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having domestic "staff".

Yeah. My bedsheets are always matchy-matchy, pillowcases too, because our housekeeper does our beds. I haven't made my bed iin 3 years. I think I did two loads of laundry in 2014. I work, don't throw stones.

If the sheets were left to me our beds would be an absolute wreck.

I wear my DH's cotton undershirts to go grocery shopping. Funny to see women with cotton Coach bags look me up and down.

Coach bags made in cheap china? No thanks.

I see so many intentional status symbols, the efforts spent to acquire them, and the effect they have on people, and the distress they cause. But then, maybe not engaging in accumulating status symbols is a luxury I can afford, because
my life has its fair share of unintentional ones, which I don't share with anyone IRL: 1} staff, 2) not really feeling excited over another trip to Paris, 3) a DH who only has eyes for me, toys held in LLC's, some select kitchen appliances because they interest me.

Anything out in public {strollers, clothes, cars) are solidly modest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having domestic "staff".

Yeah. My bedsheets are always matchy-matchy, pillowcases too, because our housekeeper does our beds. I haven't made my bed iin 3 years. I think I did two loads of laundry in 2014. I work, don't throw stones.

If the sheets were left to me our beds would be an absolute wreck.

I wear my DH's cotton undershirts to go grocery shopping. Funny to see women with cotton Coach bags look me up and down.

Your housekeeper works too.

Most of us work in some way, n'est ce pas?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having domestic "staff".

Yeah. My bedsheets are always matchy-matchy, pillowcases too, because our housekeeper does our beds. I haven't made my bed iin 3 years. I think I did two loads of laundry in 2014. I work, don't throw stones.

If the sheets were left to me our beds would be an absolute wreck.

I wear my DH's cotton undershirts to go grocery shopping. Funny to see women with cotton Coach bags look me up and down.

Coach bags made in cheap china? No thanks.

Not having to pay too much for vacation, because you have friends with houses in nice places who invite you or offer it for free and vice versa. A house in Park City or Martha's Vineyard, a flat in Paris or London, an estate in the countryside of Italy, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Having domestic "staff".

Yeah. My bedsheets are always matchy-matchy, pillowcases too, because our housekeeper does our beds. I haven't made my bed iin 3 years. I think I did two loads of laundry in 2014. I work, don't throw stones.

If the sheets were left to me our beds would be an absolute wreck.

I wear my DH's cotton undershirts to go grocery shopping. Funny to see women with cotton Coach bags look me up and down.

I truly did not understand why some people were stuck in New Orleans after Katrina, once they could physically leave. The ability to leave town if you need to in an emergency is, I guess, a status symbol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people use sheets and pillowcases that don't match?

If this is an honest question, then I'm guessing you don't know any low-income people, do you?

How much money does it save to buy mismatched sheet sets?

Having domestic "staff".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of these status symbols seem to indicate the things you see in people who are richer than you. But, what about those things that mark you as richer than others? Does anyone notice those things?

Here's one we haven't beaten to death yet: bed sheets that match. The pillowcase, flat, and fitted are all the same color and pattern. Most of the lower-middle class people that I know generally have sheets that match. I hardly ever see it in the homes of the poor people we know.

Pure white bedsheets are the highest status of all. They are traditional, they are understated but elegant, and they signal that you or the help changes them often to keep that white looking clean and pure. The "hotel sets" sold by various national companies don't really count, although nobody will be able to tell the difference. ("Hotel" anything, like "hotel" flatware, is middle class. Why does anybody need to pretend they're in a hotel to enjoy luxury?) But the real deal are the pure white, high thread-count sheets from Swiss and similar companies.

PP here. The white sheet thing may be an unintentional status symbol for the upper crust, but my point was that having sheets that match at all may be an unintentional status symbol to someone who is low-income. From what I've been reading on this thread, people seem very aware about "upper crust" symbols but maybe might not realize their own privilege. It's kind of interesting how adept people are at reading the code of the class above them. And also how little we see of our own advantages.

Here are some others: having a car. At all. Living in a home that is legal or to code. Throwing stuff out is a privilege. Most of the poor people I know don't ever throw anything out, almost no matter how broken or damaged it is. You just never know what might be useful later. Buying bulk is another privilege. When you are very poor you may only have enough money to buy a single roll at a time. That actually costs more, but if you don't have the resources to front the cost for 24 rolls, then you're sort of stuck. So, for some people, a Costco membership is an unintentional status symbol.

PP, in keeping with what you're saying, I only recently realized what a privilege using eBay is. You have to have a credit card and Internet access. Same thing with being a Peace Corps volunteer. It means you don't have crushing credit card debt and aren't a vital part of your extended family's well-being (through babysitting, financial contribution, etc.).

I think it was The Nation that had an article on how expensive and time intensive poverty is. I think unintentional status symbols are more fundamental than we of the DCUM community would believe.

I have friends without post-graduate education and keep running into how different my job search is from theirs. I've had my masters for nearly ten years. I don't even think about it. Colleagues from my last position claim they are stuck (in an office we all hated) because they don't have an advanced degree.

Having a passport, a bank account, a voter registration card...all of these are (SADLY!) not routine items in a lot of households. I'm always caught short when I hear this, but there it is.

Thanks for the eye-opener, PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people use sheets and pillowcases that don't match?

I do! My bottom sheets always wear out first. The pillow cases and top sheet will still be fine. I'll pick up just a bottom sheet because that's all that needs replacing.

I do the same thing with bath towels. The bath towels wear out, but the wash clothes and hand towels will still be fine. Rather than replace the whole set, I'll just pick up new bath towels.

I always mix up my sheet sets, and I'm not "poor." Most of my bed linens are from Garnet Hill and good quality. It just pleases me to use a different color or pattern top sheet and pillowcases than the fitted sheet. They don't clash; I make sure of that. But I like an attractively made bed with pattern and texture. And I seem to be an outlier here... I always make the bed in the morning. Just seems to put things in order and the makes the rest of the room appear less messy. Call me bourgeois.

The sheet and towel thing is interesting to me. I grew up in a middle class family. My husband grew up poor, and his mom grew up in abject poverty. She always has matching sheets and towels, as a reaction to never having them as a child or a young parent. I suspect since my parents could have afforded matched sets if they wished, but wanted to spend their money on different things, they went with the frugal method of just replacing what's worn (and cut up the worn out sheet/towels for dust clothes or shoe shine rags). From that perspective, matching linens is more of a reaction to newly having money. But my comfort with linens that go together but aren't a matched set would be indicative of a slightly higher class. So perhaps the return to matched set linens is another jump in class?

+1 - actually, I think that's true for a lot of this. I grew up comfortable, in the NE suburbs - not wealthy, but comfortable (whatever the fuck that means). My husband grew up in a very very poor city. For me, I love to go live in rough places, the adventure of city living. He feels like he's had enough. He wants to live somewhere peaceful and quiet now.

The bedsheets, too. I think because I grew up as secure as I did, I have the freedom to be careless about things like matching sheets and impeccable clothes. I feel like I was born into a status that allows me the freedom to be a slob. With no irony at all: that is a luxury that I really cherish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people use sheets and pillowcases that don't match?

If this is an honest question, then I'm guessing you don't know any low-income people, do you?

I use non-matching sheets and pillowcases but that's because I like the mismatched look/am too disorganized to keep track of the things that do match. Also, helps me and my husband keep our pillows straight.

A recent addition for the younger set are those mini-micro scooters. All the pre-schoolers in my neighborhood seem to have them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people use sheets and pillowcases that don't match?

I do! My bottom sheets always wear out first. The pillow cases and top sheet will still be fine. I'll pick up just a bottom sheet because that's all that needs replacing.

I do the same thing with bath towels. The bath towels wear out, but the wash clothes and hand towels will still be fine. Rather than replace the whole set, I'll just pick up new bath towels.

I always mix up my sheet sets, and I'm not "poor." Most of my bed linens are from Garnet Hill and good quality. It just pleases me to use a different color or pattern top sheet and pillowcases than the fitted sheet. They don't clash; I make sure of that. But I like an attractively made bed with pattern and texture. And I seem to be an outlier here... I always make the bed in the morning. Just seems to put things in order and the makes the rest of the room appear less messy. Call me bourgeois.

The sheet and towel thing is interesting to me. I grew up in a middle class family. My husband grew up poor, and his mom grew up in abject poverty. She always has matching sheets and towels, as a reaction to never having them as a child or a young parent. I suspect since my parents could have afforded matched sets if they wished, but wanted to spend their money on different things, they went with the frugal method of just replacing what's worn (and cut up the worn out sheet/towels for dust clothes or shoe shine rags). From that perspective, matching linens is more of a reaction to newly having money. But my comfort with linens that go together but aren't a matched set would be indicative of a slightly higher class. So perhaps the return to matched set linens is another jump in class?