This is an interesting debate and while I don't have time to read every post I read many and got the general idea. My children are now 21 and 18 but when my youngest was born we hired our first au pair. We had 4 au pairs in 5 years and I also ended up serving as a community leader for the program we went through. We had one au pair from Australia, one from Germany and two from France. My French au pairs knew one another and the first one told the second one she needed to come and work with our family. She stayed for two years and is now married to an American. We loved all of our au pairs but they were also a lot more "work" than hiring a nanny.

My first au pair from Australia was very homesick and had never been away from her family before and even though she was 21 she was very immature. We spent a LOT of time making her feel at home, trying to help her find friends, taking her on cool getaways including to Disney with my whole extended family (all paid for with no babysitting) etc. My second au pair from France was amazing and the daughter of two doctors from Cannes. We loved her and she was so much fun to have around. Like our first au pair she was welcome to be with us whenever she wanted but she also went out a lot and used a car we provided. Our German au pair was next and as others have said this is a big "rite of passage" for many girls there. She was quiet and kind and she had a ton of friends in the area because Germans are the largest group who do the program. Our last au pair was from Paris and she was a hoot. She stayed for 2 years and went out many nights, which I was sometimes frustrated about but our younger daughter adored her. She left when my daughter went to kindergarten but she has been in the area ever since and recently came over to celebrate my daughter's 18th birthday.

As the local au pair rep I saw it ALL. There were wealthy families with 5 kids looking for a deal, single moms who worked nights and the au pair had the corner of a shared bedroom with the kids. Many people were just like us - kind and friendly families who really did love the idea of cultural exchange and embraced the program. In case people get the wrong idea, you don't just pay the $200/week and that's your obligation. Families had to pay maybe $7K up front, it's likely more now, to be in the program and that covers the au pair visa, flights, one week in New York for training etc. For us it was a big investment but it was worth it.

Not everyone has the same set up and the au pairs definitely compare notes. Some have their own wing of the house and some barely had a room/bathroom. We had a private bedroom and bathroom in our basement that our au pairs lived in and they loved it. They always told me they were so lucky. We are not super rich but well off enough and we never made them feel like they were just the nanny. To this day I am in great contact with each of them and they have all come back and visited over the years and we plan to visit them too.

Despite all of that, I will say that the terrible families I saw when I was the community rep were really bad. I remember one family who had a special needs child who was not supposed to be part of the program. The very wealthy parents promised that he had his own car giver and then the au pair would tell me she was with him all day. I stepped in and fixed it but in the end I counseled the girl to leave the family and she was much happier.

We never paid over the weekly amount unless we went over the hours and the au pair was interested in babysitting. They always wanted extra hours and our girls were really sweet and I think easy so I suppose that's why we never had issues. If my child were to do a similar program I would caution then to make sure they found a good family who were looking to this for the right reasons. There are a lot of bad people out there but the good ones (and many are good) are doing this for the right reasons.

Good luck OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering how anyone can argue with a straight face that parents using the AP program are cheap. America has among the highest childcare costs in the world and a normal AP tab will run about $24k/year. The same age group that is paying that is also paying down historically high student loans, and inflated housing costs, with salaries that have been stagnating for 30 years.

I understand it might be hard for some teens to keep their budget of $800 totally discretionary money in check, but in many cases the APs have more spending money than the host parents. Okay, disdain the parents for not having money or being stuck looking for less than adequate childcare, but your contempt won't fix anything. No amount of internet shaming will fix how our economy is structured. Wokeness doesn't pay the bills.

I showed our AP this chain and she was like, I haven’t touched my money in 8 months and I have 9k in the bank. I then tried to remember the last time we had 9k in our checking account and could not.

She knows how to save and you don't and you live well beyond your means. Why do people who cannot even afford a cat have a child!?

If your solution is that only rich people have children, that will lead to certain catastrophe for our country. Nations are basically ponzi schemes where the lower rungs (young people) pay for the elderly, do the hard work, man the Army, and pay into thr system. If you set conditions that lead to less than the replacement fertility rate (look this up) it means that the older generations aren't cared for, the economy tanks, and military power declines. We are already below replacement rate, which is an economic and national security problem for our country. What's your solution? You think it is normal or natural that people can't afford children? Mocking and disdaining middle and lower classes (and let's be honest, even the UMC is strained by school/sports/college costs) will not suddenly make them be able to afford $45k/year in child care costs. The government statistics show that actually, most Americans have less than $400 in their savings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering how anyone can argue with a straight face that parents using the AP program are cheap. America has among the highest childcare costs in the world and a normal AP tab will run about $24k/year. The same age group that is paying that is also paying down historically high student loans, and inflated housing costs, with salaries that have been stagnating for 30 years.

I understand it might be hard for some teens to keep their budget of $800 totally discretionary money in check, but in many cases the APs have more spending money than the host parents. Okay, disdain the parents for not having money or being stuck looking for less than adequate childcare, but your contempt won't fix anything. No amount of internet shaming will fix how our economy is structured. Wokeness doesn't pay the bills.

I showed our AP this chain and she was like, I haven’t touched my money in 8 months and I have 9k in the bank. I then tried to remember the last time we had 9k in our checking account and could not.

She knows how to save and you don't and you live well beyond your means. Why do people who cannot even afford a cat have a child!?

We should problem unpack your racism and sexism a little bit (gross!), but I can tell you’re not worth or capable of critical thinking skills. Most Americans don’t keep 9k in their checking accounts - because they are saving money for long-term expenses like college, health care, retirement or because they don’t make enough to have savings. If people didn’t reproduce that antisocial types like yourself would die penniless in a boarding house because there world be no social welfare system because there would be no taxpayers. Off to bed now, Cruela.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I’ll bite. Living wage is meant as — at minimum — a minimum wage for the locale. $15/hr in DC. That is a wage that helps meet basic needs. That seems fairly clear from reading this board.

In fact, 67% of Americans surveyed last year by the Pew Research Center expressed support for raising the federal minimum wage to $15 per hour. It is shocking that the willingness to pay substinence rates or below is so prevalent at dcum.

Well, by your definition, APs are making minimum wage, since they don’t pay for food, housing, transportation, or a cell phone. $1000 budget for clothes every month is fantastic!

I would disagree. You are meant to pay minimum wage despite deductions. Please have a look at the Kamala Harris domestic worker bill of rights and why it was necessary

Au pairs get full federal minimum wage. Minimum stipend is based on a State formula with a 40% deduction for room and board. Plus many au pairs get extra benefits are cell phone, transportation, gym memberships, etc.

You're advocating for au pairs to get full federal minimum wage without the deductions, not despite deductions, when you talk about the domestic workers bill of rights.

40% is $2.90/hour. $4.35 x 45 = $195.75. Let's add the $2.90 back in ($326.25) and an au pair could get an extra $130.50 per week.

While I'm sure some families would continue with au pairs for $326.25/week in stipend and $8,000 (maybe more, maybe less--divided would be about $154/week) in agency fees, they likely would find other childcare options if au pairs had to be paid low-end nanny rates at $15/hour ($675/week for 45 hours) plus room/board/other benefits.

Most nanny trolls also don't realize that shutting down the au pair program would not produce greater demand for nannies. It's much more likely to funnel into in-home daycares or women simply not working anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering how anyone can argue with a straight face that parents using the AP program are cheap. America has among the highest childcare costs in the world and a normal AP tab will run about $24k/year. The same age group that is paying that is also paying down historically high student loans, and inflated housing costs, with salaries that have been stagnating for 30 years.

I understand it might be hard for some teens to keep their budget of $800 totally discretionary money in check, but in many cases the APs have more spending money than the host parents. Okay, disdain the parents for not having money or being stuck looking for less than adequate childcare, but your contempt won't fix anything. No amount of internet shaming will fix how our economy is structured. Wokeness doesn't pay the bills.

I showed our AP this chain and she was like, I haven’t touched my money in 8 months and I have 9k in the bank. I then tried to remember the last time we had 9k in our checking account and could not.

She knows how to save and you don't and you live well beyond your means. Why do people who cannot even afford a cat have a child!?

Our au pair never touched her money for the two years she was here either. She went on three great vacations with us and had her own car and used it every night and weekends. She totally enjoyed her experience and we Skype every few months still.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay $225. She works about 35 hours a week with our two kids (and 10 of those they are napping or doing quiet time), and I do all the planning of activities and schedule. She feeds them when she is with them and helps them pick up toys but she isn’t doing laundry or anything. She has a car, her own suite on a different floor (privacy), good food and lots of take out, and we don’t expect 100% capacity from her. Our take is she isn’t paid as well as a nanny and doesn’t get the benefit of cultural exchange due to covid so we want her to have an easier load. We pick days for her to sleep in and get off early and are around if the kids are flipping or if she needs help getting them out the door (WFH). She tells us about her friends who have it worse all the time. I think it’s a good gig for a not-ready-to-adult kid interested in traveling, assuming the host family doesn’t treat them like a nanny. They aren’t nannies.

Omg this is so f$7ed up. You are so f$7ed up. This is an adult you’re employing. You don’t get to decide she’s still a child, nap hours are still work hours, being on another floor is not “privacy.”

Honestly this is “some of the slaves were happy” level bonkers bananas.

Please seek help. You are a nutter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lolol! Have you all tried living on a $25/hr nanny wage? I wish I had 200 left over a week.

My rent is 1,000/mo in a SHARED house, health insurance $700/mo (I make "too much" for subsidies!), my car cost $400/mo including gas and insurance and mIntenance.

After taxes I bring in 3409/mo. You do the math! I have not even mentioned food or tampons!

If my car breaks, I get sick, I fall and break something, or anything else unexpected hapoens I'm F%CKED. I can't imagine having $200/wk to do whatever I want with and have people the me on vacation?? Amazing.

Well, obviously, you were stupid to have a child that you cannot, and will never be able to, afford.

Well, PP, obviously you were stupid to read this post and make up a detail such as the poster having a child when that was never stated explicitly or even implicitly.

Anonymous wrote:We pay $225. She works about 35 hours a week with our two kids (and 10 of those they are napping or doing quiet time), and I do all the planning of activities and schedule. She feeds them when she is with them and helps them pick up toys but she isn’t doing laundry or anything. She has a car, her own suite on a different floor (privacy), good food and lots of take out, and we don’t expect 100% capacity from her. Our take is she isn’t paid as well as a nanny and doesn’t get the benefit of cultural exchange due to covid so we want her to have an easier load. We pick days for her to sleep in and get off early and are around if the kids are flipping or if she needs help getting them out the door (WFH). She tells us about her friends who have it worse all the time. I think it’s a good gig for a not-ready-to-adult kid interested in traveling, assuming the host family doesn’t treat them like a nanny. They aren’t nannies.

Omg this is so f$7ed up. You are so f$7ed up. This is an adult you’re employing. You don’t get to decide she’s still a child, nap hours are still work hours, being on another floor is not “privacy.”

Honestly this is “some of the slaves were happy” level bonkers bananas.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lolol! Have you all tried living on a $25/hr nanny wage? I wish I had 200 left over a week.

My rent is 1,000/mo in a SHARED house, health insurance $700/mo (I make "too much" for subsidies!), my car cost $400/mo including gas and insurance and mIntenance.

After taxes I bring in 3409/mo. You do the math! I have not even mentioned food or tampons!

If my car breaks, I get sick, I fall and break something, or anything else unexpected hapoens I'm F%CKED. I can't imagine having $200/wk to do whatever I want with and have people the me on vacation?? Amazing.

Well, obviously, you were stupid to have a child that you cannot, and will never be able to, afford.

I highly doubt that a nanny in shared housing has a child...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering how anyone can argue with a straight face that parents using the AP program are cheap. America has among the highest childcare costs in the world and a normal AP tab will run about $24k/year. The same age group that is paying that is also paying down historically high student loans, and inflated housing costs, with salaries that have been stagnating for 30 years.

I understand it might be hard for some teens to keep their budget of $800 totally discretionary money in check, but in many cases the APs have more spending money than the host parents. Okay, disdain the parents for not having money or being stuck looking for less than adequate childcare, but your contempt won't fix anything. No amount of internet shaming will fix how our economy is structured. Wokeness doesn't pay the bills.

I showed our AP this chain and she was like, I haven’t touched my money in 8 months and I have 9k in the bank. I then tried to remember the last time we had 9k in our checking account and could not.

She knows how to save and you don't and you live well beyond your means. Why do people who cannot even afford a cat have a child!?

Anonymous wrote:Lolol! Have you all tried living on a $25/hr nanny wage? I wish I had 200 left over a week.

My rent is 1,000/mo in a SHARED house, health insurance $700/mo (I make "too much" for subsidies!), my car cost $400/mo including gas and insurance and mIntenance.

After taxes I bring in 3409/mo. You do the math! I have not even mentioned food or tampons!

If my car breaks, I get sick, I fall and break something, or anything else unexpected hapoens I'm F%CKED. I can't imagine having $200/wk to do whatever I want with and have people the me on vacation?? Amazing.

Well, obviously, you were stupid to have a child that you cannot, and will never be able to, afford.

Former AP here.

I would have never even thought about asking more than the stipend, taking advantage of the pandemic ... This also shows the kind of person this AP is. I wouldn't want her around my children, this shows poor judgement ...

Good luck to everybody on the program

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering how anyone can argue with a straight face that parents using the AP program are cheap. America has among the highest childcare costs in the world and a normal AP tab will run about $24k/year. The same age group that is paying that is also paying down historically high student loans, and inflated housing costs, with salaries that have been stagnating for 30 years.

I understand it might be hard for some teens to keep their budget of $800 totally discretionary money in check, but in many cases the APs have more spending money than the host parents. Okay, disdain the parents for not having money or being stuck looking for less than adequate childcare, but your contempt won't fix anything. No amount of internet shaming will fix how our economy is structured. Wokeness doesn't pay the bills.

I showed our AP this chain and she was like, I haven’t touched my money in 8 months and I have 9k in the bank. I then tried to remember the last time we had 9k in our checking account and could not.

I'm wondering how anyone can argue with a straight face that parents using the AP program are cheap. America has among the highest childcare costs in the world and a normal AP tab will run about $24k/year. The same age group that is paying that is also paying down historically high student loans, and inflated housing costs, with salaries that have been stagnating for 30 years.

I understand it might be hard for some teens to keep their budget of $800 totally discretionary money in check, but in many cases the APs have more spending money than the host parents. Okay, disdain the parents for not having money or being stuck looking for less than adequate childcare, but your contempt won't fix anything. No amount of internet shaming will fix how our economy is structured. Wokeness doesn't pay the bills.

Lolol! Have you all tried living on a $25/hr nanny wage? I wish I had 200 left over a week.

My rent is 1,000/mo in a SHARED house, health insurance $700/mo (I make "too much" for subsidies!), my car cost $400/mo including gas and insurance and mIntenance.

After taxes I bring in 3409/mo. You do the math! I have not even mentioned food or tampons!

If my car breaks, I get sick, I fall and break something, or anything else unexpected hapoens I'm F%CKED. I can't imagine having $200/wk to do whatever I want with and have people the me on vacation?? Amazing.