Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of these status symbols seem to indicate the things you see in people who are richer than you. But, what about those things that mark you as richer than others? Does anyone notice those things?

Here's one we haven't beaten to death yet: bed sheets that match. The pillowcase, flat, and fitted are all the same color and pattern. Most of the lower-middle class people that I know generally have sheets that match. I hardly ever see it in the homes of the poor people we know.

Pure white bedsheets are the highest status of all. They are traditional, they are understated but elegant, and they signal that you or the help changes them often to keep that white looking clean and pure. The "hotel sets" sold by various national companies don't really count, although nobody will be able to tell the difference. ("Hotel" anything, like "hotel" flatware, is middle class. Why does anybody need to pretend they're in a hotel to enjoy luxury?) But the real deal are the pure white, high thread-count sheets from Swiss and similar companies.

PP here. The white sheet thing may be an unintentional status symbol for the upper crust, but my point was that having sheets that match at all may be an unintentional status symbol to someone who is low-income. From what I've been reading on this thread, people seem very aware about "upper crust" symbols but maybe might not realize their own privilege. It's kind of interesting how adept people are at reading the code of the class above them. And also how little we see of our own advantages.

Here are some others: having a car. At all. Living in a home that is legal or to code. Throwing stuff out is a privilege. Most of the poor people I know don't ever throw anything out, almost no matter how broken or damaged it is. You just never know what might be useful later. Buying bulk is another privilege. When you are very poor you may only have enough money to buy a single roll at a time. That actually costs more, but if you don't have the resources to front the cost for 24 rolls, then you're sort of stuck. So, for some people, a Costco membership is an unintentional status symbol.

OK, now I'm following you a little better (NP here). I didn't get where you were coming from in your other post. I get what you're saying, although I don't agree with some of it. For example, I don't think the general lower income population keeps junk in case it'll be useful later. You can get anything at all for next to nothing at the dollar store or Walmart, so why bother keeping broken junk around? Maybe elderly people who grew up in the depression are used to keeping everything (my well-to-do MIL washes and reuses red Solo cups at their lake home...keeps the same cups going for years!!) but not your average low-income family. But I do agree with you about purchasing to save money in the long run. It's not something you can help at times, if you only have enough money for a small package of diapers and the small can of baby formula, what are you going to do? When I was a young adult, I bought a lot of my groceries at a gas station because it was in walking distance. I knew it was really expensive and I was aware of the luxury of owning a car and driving to the actual grocery store.

I worked at a place where for whatever reason it was taboo to talk about going on vacation. The general response was "humph, must be nice." DH and I were NOT earning much at the time, but we worked hard and scrounged and saved for a ski trip at a nice place every year. I think that's an instance of unintentional status symbol.

Exactly! That example about the vacation definitely hits it. I see what you mean about the solo cups too. My depression-era paternal grandmother was as WASPy and rich as they come but she saved EVERYTHING. You should have seen the ball of supermarket rubber bands under her sink! LOL So yeah, that one could go either way. My in-laws, who are very poor immigrants from a developing country also do the same thing. They keep absolutely everything. As do the other very low-income people on that side of the family. It's the middle class and up who feel like they can go to Walmart and get the replacement. But, for my ILs, Walmart is a luxury. They mostly shop at swap meets, Goodwill, or they get hand-me-downs. Maybe it's a depression-era/poor immigrant thing?

Although my father and his family were rich, my parents divorced when I was very young and dad cut us off. My mom wasn't exactly good with money either, so we were usually either rolling in it or ditching the apartment in the middle of the night to avoid the landlord. At one of the restaurants where I worked as a young adult the other staff used to call me "Diane" (after the Cheers character) because I was going to community college. It really is about perspective, no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of these status symbols seem to indicate the things you see in people who are richer than you. But, what about those things that mark you as richer than others? Does anyone notice those things?

Here's one we haven't beaten to death yet: bed sheets that match. The pillowcase, flat, and fitted are all the same color and pattern. Most of the lower-middle class people that I know generally have sheets that match. I hardly ever see it in the homes of the poor people we know.

Pure white bedsheets are the highest status of all. They are traditional, they are understated but elegant, and they signal that you or the help changes them often to keep that white looking clean and pure. The "hotel sets" sold by various national companies don't really count, although nobody will be able to tell the difference. ("Hotel" anything, like "hotel" flatware, is middle class. Why does anybody need to pretend they're in a hotel to enjoy luxury?) But the real deal are the pure white, high thread-count sheets from Swiss and similar companies.

PP here. The white sheet thing may be an unintentional status symbol for the upper crust, but my point was that having sheets that match at all may be an unintentional status symbol to someone who is low-income. From what I've been reading on this thread, people seem very aware about "upper crust" symbols but maybe might not realize their own privilege. It's kind of interesting how adept people are at reading the code of the class above them. And also how little we see of our own advantages.

Here are some others: having a car. At all. Living in a home that is legal or to code. Throwing stuff out is a privilege. Most of the poor people I know don't ever throw anything out, almost no matter how broken or damaged it is. You just never know what might be useful later. Buying bulk is another privilege. When you are very poor you may only have enough money to buy a single roll at a time. That actually costs more, but if you don't have the resources to front the cost for 24 rolls, then you're sort of stuck. So, for some people, a Costco membership is an unintentional status symbol.

OK, now I'm following you a little better (NP here). I didn't get where you were coming from in your other post. I get what you're saying, although I don't agree with some of it. For example, I don't think the general lower income population keeps junk in case it'll be useful later. You can get anything at all for next to nothing at the dollar store or Walmart, so why bother keeping broken junk around? Maybe elderly people who grew up in the depression are used to keeping everything (my well-to-do MIL washes and reuses red Solo cups at their lake home...keeps the same cups going for years!!) but not your average low-income family. But I do agree with you about purchasing to save money in the long run. It's not something you can help at times, if you only have enough money for a small package of diapers and the small can of baby formula, what are you going to do? When I was a young adult, I bought a lot of my groceries at a gas station because it was in walking distance. I knew it was really expensive and I was aware of the luxury of owning a car and driving to the actual grocery store.

I worked at a place where for whatever reason it was taboo to talk about going on vacation. The general response was "humph, must be nice." DH and I were NOT earning much at the time, but we worked hard and scrounged and saved for a ski trip at a nice place every year. I think that's an instance of unintentional status symbol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of these status symbols seem to indicate the things you see in people who are richer than you. But, what about those things that mark you as richer than others? Does anyone notice those things?

Here's one we haven't beaten to death yet: bed sheets that match. The pillowcase, flat, and fitted are all the same color and pattern. Most of the lower-middle class people that I know generally have sheets that match. I hardly ever see it in the homes of the poor people we know.

Pure white bedsheets are the highest status of all. They are traditional, they are understated but elegant, and they signal that you or the help changes them often to keep that white looking clean and pure. The "hotel sets" sold by various national companies don't really count, although nobody will be able to tell the difference. ("Hotel" anything, like "hotel" flatware, is middle class. Why does anybody need to pretend they're in a hotel to enjoy luxury?) But the real deal are the pure white, high thread-count sheets from Swiss and similar companies.

How can bedsheets be a status symbol? A status symbol is something that is on display for others to see, so they know you're high class. Who sees your bedsheets? How are you getting into everybody's bedrooms? I am not familiar with anybody's bed sheets but my own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of these status symbols seem to indicate the things you see in people who are richer than you. But, what about those things that mark you as richer than others? Does anyone notice those things?

Here's one we haven't beaten to death yet: bed sheets that match. The pillowcase, flat, and fitted are all the same color and pattern. Most of the lower-middle class people that I know generally have sheets that match. I hardly ever see it in the homes of the poor people we know.

Pure white bedsheets are the highest status of all. They are traditional, they are understated but elegant, and they signal that you or the help changes them often to keep that white looking clean and pure. The "hotel sets" sold by various national companies don't really count, although nobody will be able to tell the difference. ("Hotel" anything, like "hotel" flatware, is middle class. Why does anybody need to pretend they're in a hotel to enjoy luxury?) But the real deal are the pure white, high thread-count sheets from Swiss and similar companies.

PP here. The white sheet thing may be an unintentional status symbol for the upper crust, but my point was that having sheets that match at all may be an unintentional status symbol to someone who is low-income. From what I've been reading on this thread, people seem very aware about "upper crust" symbols but maybe might not realize their own privilege. It's kind of interesting how adept people are at reading the code of the class above them. And also how little we see of our own advantages.

Here are some others: having a car. At all. Living in a home that is legal or to code. Throwing stuff out is a privilege. Most of the poor people I know don't ever throw anything out, almost no matter how broken or damaged it is. You just never know what might be useful later. Buying bulk is another privilege. When you are very poor you may only have enough money to buy a single roll at a time. That actually costs more, but if you don't have the resources to front the cost for 24 rolls, then you're sort of stuck. So, for some people, a Costco membership is an unintentional status symbol.

Anonymous wrote:Some people use sheets and pillowcases that don't match?

If this is an honest question, then I'm guessing you don't know any low-income people, do you?

All my towels, bath mats, sheets and pillow cases are white.

Basically I am a lazy about laundry and I would rather throw everything in the laundry with bleach.

I am sure someone will think that is also unintentional status symbol.

Anonymous wrote:Some people use sheets and pillowcases that don't match?

Did you know there are people who put plastic coverings on their furniture? And they don't have little kids or pets.

Anonymous wrote:Some people use sheets and pillowcases that don't match?

I do! My bottom sheets always wear out first. The pillow cases and top sheet will still be fine. I'll pick up just a bottom sheet because that's all that needs replacing.

I do the same thing with bath towels. The bath towels wear out, but the wash clothes and hand towels will still be fine. Rather than replace the whole set, I'll just pick up new bath towels.

Some people use sheets and pillowcases that don't match?

Habitually correct grammar and a decent vocabulary.

Anonymous wrote:Most of these status symbols seem to indicate the things you see in people who are richer than you. But, what about those things that mark you as richer than others? Does anyone notice those things?

Here's one we haven't beaten to death yet: bed sheets that match. The pillowcase, flat, and fitted are all the same color and pattern. Most of the lower-middle class people that I know generally have sheets that match. I hardly ever see it in the homes of the poor people we know.

Pure white bedsheets are the highest status of all. They are traditional, they are understated but elegant, and they signal that you or the help changes them often to keep that white looking clean and pure. The "hotel sets" sold by various national companies don't really count, although nobody will be able to tell the difference. ("Hotel" anything, like "hotel" flatware, is middle class. Why does anybody need to pretend they're in a hotel to enjoy luxury?) But the real deal are the pure white, high thread-count sheets from Swiss and similar companies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is cracking me up.
I guess my family is of the shabby gentile variety of unintentional status symbols. Our generation is not wealthy by any means, but we have a 14 year old BMW, inherited from parents, old silver, inherited and used daily, because our everyday stuff was crap. No fancy kitchen remodel because our current one works just fine (same with bathrooms), we live in an old house with great bones, have the requisite golden, from a rescue org though. And we own a country home that is super plain. I grew up riding and DH sailing. Our kids go to privates and I work part time at home, mostly because I can't command the salary needed to farm stuff out (thank you liberal arts degrees!) Anyway, I never thought of my family as wealthy at all, mostly because we don't have much liquidity. I did BF each kid for over a year, and did cloth diapers. I never thought twice about that!

Your post cracks me up, b/c you are almost a satire of what we are talking about!

I know - I'm a bit embarrassed. I guess I'm so used to seeing new build mansions and brand new luxury cars, that our old stuff doesn't register with me. I do have a core group of friends from DC who have similar lifestyles, so they don't twice at our beater cars, or our hopelessly dated kitchen, etc.

Please, please tell me where you went to school.

No way - not on DCUM. Suffice it to say it's in DC.

All-girl Catholic school in DC is my bet.

There is a subculture of Washington natives who are like this. Some go back a few generations, others moved here in childhood. Grew up in Cleveland Park or Woodley Park in a family of three kids before that was the DC status symbol it is now. Went to Sidwell, NCS, STA, Episcopal or Visi back in the day. Their parents were doctors, lawyers with a public interest streak, diplomats, researchers, private school teachers, etc., not lobbyists or the super rich variety of law firm partner that is so common now. As adults they live in Takoma Park, Silver Spring or Kensington. Their kids go to good but unpretentious private schools or to public schools. They are nice people who are comfortable with themselves and don't feel the need to claw and scrape for social status.

Nailed it! I bet we know each other

Most of these status symbols seem to indicate the things you see in people who are richer than you. But, what about those things that mark you as richer than others? Does anyone notice those things?

Here's one we haven't beaten to death yet: bed sheets that match. The pillowcase, flat, and fitted are all the same color and pattern. Most of the lower-middle class people that I know generally have sheets that match. I hardly ever see it in the homes of the poor people we know.

Also, grammar and language skills (verbal) are different. That's pretty obvious though. Table manners are different too. I was taught to wait until the hostess picked up her fork before eating, etc. I don't see that happening with most of my low-income relatives. (Not saying my way is better. Just notice the difference.) Also, we once took my in-laws (poor) out to what I thought was a pretty basic restaurant and my FIL had a meltdown when they gave him a cloth table napkin. He insisted that they get him paper napkins instead. All they had were cocktail napkins. That one was really strange.

Our poor relatives seem to use paper plates a lot more too, though that may be because when we see them it's usually when the whole family gets together for a major event. Who wants to do those dishes? Still, when I was growing up we always had china at family dinners.

Oh, and at my in-laws house, they don't leave the water heater on. Wastes money on gas. So, you have to wait about two hours for hot water if you want to take a shower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is cracking me up.
I guess my family is of the shabby gentile variety of unintentional status symbols. Our generation is not wealthy by any means, but we have a 14 year old BMW, inherited from parents, old silver, inherited and used daily, because our everyday stuff was crap. No fancy kitchen remodel because our current one works just fine (same with bathrooms), we live in an old house with great bones, have the requisite golden, from a rescue org though. And we own a country home that is super plain. I grew up riding and DH sailing. Our kids go to privates and I work part time at home, mostly because I can't command the salary needed to farm stuff out (thank you liberal arts degrees!) Anyway, I never thought of my family as wealthy at all, mostly because we don't have much liquidity. I did BF each kid for over a year, and did cloth diapers. I never thought twice about that!

Your post cracks me up, b/c you are almost a satire of what we are talking about!

I know - I'm a bit embarrassed. I guess I'm so used to seeing new build mansions and brand new luxury cars, that our old stuff doesn't register with me. I do have a core group of friends from DC who have similar lifestyles, so they don't twice at our beater cars, or our hopelessly dated kitchen, etc.

Please, please tell me where you went to school.

No way - not on DCUM. Suffice it to say it's in DC.

All-girl Catholic school in DC is my bet.

There is a subculture of Washington natives who are like this. Some go back a few generations, others moved here in childhood. Grew up in Cleveland Park or Woodley Park in a family of three kids before that was the DC status symbol it is now. Went to Sidwell, NCS, STA, Episcopal or Visi back in the day. Their parents were doctors, lawyers with a public interest streak, diplomats, researchers, private school teachers, etc., not lobbyists or the super rich variety of law firm partner that is so common now. As adults they live in Takoma Park, Silver Spring or Kensington. Their kids go to good but unpretentious private schools or to public schools. They are nice people who are comfortable with themselves and don't feel the need to claw and scrape for social status.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice a lot of moms whose kids are in private school drive Suburbans or Escalades. It is too much of a coincidence so maybe it is some sort of status symbol.

Suburbans are considered too un-green. And Escalades are only status symbols for drug dealers.

+1 they are ridiculous.

The moms you're speaking of mostly send their kids to Catholic schools and the vehicle is due to having three or more kids and an unwillingness to drive a minivan. This is also common among public school moms in Kensington, for some reason (and I'm sure in other suburbs here too). Suburbans, Yukons, etc. I think it's just about not wanting to drive a minivan.