Anonymous wrote:It’s gotta just be the one person on here, right? The one who talks about the shame of being the oldest and… succeeding? The one who talks about following some “rules”?

There are no hard and fast rules on this and I don’t know anyone who thinks about their age vis a vis their school performance! I hope your child doesn’t. I really also hope you don’t tell your child, when they do poorly, oh it’s just because Johnny messed up the curve because he’s so much older than you.

There must be someone, some family, in your life, anti-redshirting lady, who really annoys you. Who is smug about their kid’s success, even though you feel it’s unearned because the kid is older than yours. I’m sorry if the mom of the older kid is smug- that’s on her. You’re right to be irritated by that. But you’re wrong to kneecap your own kid by telling them it isn’t fair when s/he does poorly. And I can kind of tell you do that… Sigh. You have a good kid! It all comes out in the wash! Take a deep breath. Your kid is amazing and good and just celebrate them without twisting yourself into knots about his “competitors “- think of them as “friends “ who happen to do well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers look at kids and say, hey, that kid is mature and smart. They don't say, hey, that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age.

This is the truth, and it's why people hold their kids back. If you don't like it, don't do it. But realize this is exactly what's happening from K-12.

I never said anything about impressing teachers. Teachers are human just like everyone else, and therefore, do not always judge objectively. If a young student is doing poorly, it's probably true that none of their teachers will say, "That kid is much younger than my class average. They're not lazy or dumb, just younger." But that kid should be able to gain self-closure in knowing that this is the simple truth after some soul-searching. If an old student is doing poorly, they'll have no such comforting thing to tell themselves. It's also true that teachers won't say "Hey that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age", but that old student who's excelling is probably going to have a hard time feeling good about themselves knowing that they're excelling, not because they're smarter, but simply because they are older.

I think if that's how my child looked at their success or lack thereof, I'd be calling a therapist stat. That's not normal.

So the actual truth isn't important to you? It's more important to you what people think the truth is?

What if the actual truth is that some kids are smarter regardless of birthday?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers look at kids and say, hey, that kid is mature and smart. They don't say, hey, that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age.

This is the truth, and it's why people hold their kids back. If you don't like it, don't do it. But realize this is exactly what's happening from K-12.

I never said anything about impressing teachers. Teachers are human just like everyone else, and therefore, do not always judge objectively. If a young student is doing poorly, it's probably true that none of their teachers will say, "That kid is much younger than my class average. They're not lazy or dumb, just younger." But that kid should be able to gain self-closure in knowing that this is the simple truth after some soul-searching. If an old student is doing poorly, they'll have no such comforting thing to tell themselves. It's also true that teachers won't say "Hey that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age", but that old student who's excelling is probably going to have a hard time feeling good about themselves knowing that they're excelling, not because they're smarter, but simply because they are older.

I think if that's how my child looked at their success or lack thereof, I'd be calling a therapist stat. That's not normal.

So the actual truth isn't important to you? It's more important to you what people think the truth is?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers look at kids and say, hey, that kid is mature and smart. They don't say, hey, that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age.

This is the truth, and it's why people hold their kids back. If you don't like it, don't do it. But realize this is exactly what's happening from K-12.

I never said anything about impressing teachers. Teachers are human just like everyone else, and therefore, do not always judge objectively. If a young student is doing poorly, it's probably true that none of their teachers will say, "That kid is much younger than my class average. They're not lazy or dumb, just younger." But that kid should be able to gain self-closure in knowing that this is the simple truth after some soul-searching. If an old student is doing poorly, they'll have no such comforting thing to tell themselves. It's also true that teachers won't say "Hey that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age", but that old student who's excelling is probably going to have a hard time feeling good about themselves knowing that they're excelling, not because they're smarter, but simply because they are older.

I think if that's how my child looked at their success or lack thereof, I'd be calling a therapist stat. That's not normal.

So the actual truth isn't important to you? It's more important to you what people think the truth is?

Anonymous wrote:We are in DC and my kid was born August 30. Most of his class has now turned 17 and he is only 2 months into being 16. I absolutely regret not keeping him back so that he'd be within a few months of his classmates. Instead, he's almost an entire year younger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in DC and my kid was born August 30. Most of his class has now turned 17 and he is only 2 months into being 16. I absolutely regret not keeping him back so that he'd be within a few months of his classmates. Instead, he's almost an entire year younger.

I have two kids with August birthdays. Not holding back was not much of a problem until middle school. Since then, being the youngest has presented challenges. I would probably hold back if I could do it over again. I also agree with the others who said that teachers don't make an effort to distinguish between kids who were held back or are the oldest in the grade and the youngest. Too often, the less mature ones are treated as lacking and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Why not just tell your kids that they're struggles are due to them being younger, not dumber? Make them see that they have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in DC and my kid was born August 30. Most of his class has now turned 17 and he is only 2 months into being 16. I absolutely regret not keeping him back so that he'd be within a few months of his classmates. Instead, he's almost an entire year younger.

I have two kids with August birthdays. Not holding back was not much of a problem until middle school. Since then, being the youngest has presented challenges. I would probably hold back if I could do it over again. I also agree with the others who said that teachers don't make an effort to distinguish between kids who were held back or are the oldest in the grade and the youngest. Too often, the less mature ones are treated as lacking and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Why not just tell your kids that they're struggles are due to them being younger, not dumber? Make them see that they have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in DC and my kid was born August 30. Most of his class has now turned 17 and he is only 2 months into being 16. I absolutely regret not keeping him back so that he'd be within a few months of his classmates. Instead, he's almost an entire year younger.

I have two kids with August birthdays. Not holding back was not much of a problem until middle school. Since then, being the youngest has presented challenges. I would probably hold back if I could do it over again. I also agree with the others who said that teachers don't make an effort to distinguish between kids who were held back or are the oldest in the grade and the youngest. Too often, the less mature ones are treated as lacking and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Anonymous wrote: Why should only the youngest in the year group get to choose the age of their peer group?

What if a the parents of a January born kid in a district with an August cut off decides that they want them to be the very oldest in the room and decide to redshirt.

Let’s let everyone have the right to choose and not a select few.

They could do that already. You just need to have your kid in school by the compulsory age of attendance.

What? If a kids starts schools before the compulsory age of attendance (5) then they would be on the younger side, not the oldest. What I am saying is that you can’t currently start many kid at 6 when they will turn 7 within the school year. Only redshirters begin school at 6.

Because the vast majority of redshirted kids are summer birthdays. They’re 6 for the entire year.

That's not true. The vast majority of redshirted kids are fall birthdays. They're 6 for almost the entire year. Summer kids aren't in danger of starting college at 17, so it wouldn't make any sense to redshirt them.

Depends on where you live. Maryland cutoff is September 1st, so by definition redshirted kids are summer birthdays. My kid was born September 4th, was NOT redshirted, and turned 6 on the second day of kindergarten.

Anonymous wrote:We are in DC and my kid was born August 30. Most of his class has now turned 17 and he is only 2 months into being 16. I absolutely regret not keeping him back so that he'd be within a few months of his classmates. Instead, he's almost an entire year younger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers look at kids and say, hey, that kid is mature and smart. They don't say, hey, that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age.

This is the truth, and it's why people hold their kids back. If you don't like it, don't do it. But realize this is exactly what's happening from K-12.

I never said anything about impressing teachers. Teachers are human just like everyone else, and therefore, do not always judge objectively. If a young student is doing poorly, it's probably true that none of their teachers will say, "That kid is much younger than my class average. They're not lazy or dumb, just younger." But that kid should be able to gain self-closure in knowing that this is the simple truth after some soul-searching. If an old student is doing poorly, they'll have no such comforting thing to tell themselves. It's also true that teachers won't say "Hey that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age", but that old student who's excelling is probably going to have a hard time feeling good about themselves knowing that they're excelling, not because they're smarter, but simply because they are older.

I think if that's how my child looked at their success or lack thereof, I'd be calling a therapist stat. That's not normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers look at kids and say, hey, that kid is mature and smart. They don't say, hey, that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age.

This is the truth, and it's why people hold their kids back. If you don't like it, don't do it. But realize this is exactly what's happening from K-12.

I never said anything about impressing teachers. Teachers are human just like everyone else, and therefore, do not always judge objectively. If a young student is doing poorly, it's probably true that none of their teachers will say, "That kid is much younger than my class average. They're not lazy or dumb, just younger." But that kid should be able to gain self-closure in knowing that this is the simple truth after some soul-searching. If an old student is doing poorly, they'll have no such comforting thing to tell themselves. It's also true that teachers won't say "Hey that kid is 6 months older than my class average, they must just be average for their age", but that old student who's excelling is probably going to have a hard time feeling good about themselves knowing that they're excelling, not because they're smarter, but simply because they are older.