Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stats don't lie, 75%-80% take the last name, mostly divorced dont

Yes, we're aware that most women take husband's name. That doesn't mean the ones that don't should.
Not sure about the divorce part, but lack of divorce might also be a sign of higher levels of traditionalism and not necessarily high levels of marital satisfaction.

Divorce historically means that women aren't dependent on men & actually have other options

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my surname because I didn't want to and i didn't have to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

Sounds like your husband isnt as committed to your family if he wasnt willing to give up something as dumb as a name. Guess he must already have one foot out the door. Poor you.

He is, but as I said, men and women show commitment differently. He provides for the family which is a big responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.

Sounds like your husband isnt as committed to your family if he wasnt willing to give up something as dumb as a name. Guess he must already have one foot out the door. Poor you.

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Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

I get it, you’re a typical third wave #girlboss “feminist” with zero understanding of what true equality would actually look like. So you keep leaning into that patriarchy while failing to understand that you have been completely hoodwinked.

It would be pointless to lecture the average self-proclaimed feminist American woman about feminism because she is too far gone; the patriarchy has infested her mind and soul. (The majority of ya’ll can’t be reached. But maybe some of your daughters will actually “get it” someday.)

I agree. Women and men are different and have different strenghts. I stay home and i'm just good at that. I rather play my strengths and work for my family instead of fueling the capitalist machine we have now.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

I get it, you’re a typical third wave #girlboss “feminist” with zero understanding of what true equality would actually look like. So you keep leaning into that patriarchy while failing to understand that you have been completely hoodwinked.

It would be pointless to lecture the average self-proclaimed feminist American woman about feminism because she is too far gone; the patriarchy has infested her mind and soul. (The majority of ya’ll can’t be reached. But maybe some of your daughters will actually “get it” someday.)

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.

It’s not a big decision, though. With the exception of a few weirdos in this very thread literally no one cares and it has zero importance to anyone or anything.

A big personal decision, for example, is choosing to leave your infant children with low paid daycare workers while you go back to your corporate job and earn some money for you and even more for “the man” because… that’s the feminist choice in your twisted worldview. Plus, not doing so would require actual sacrifice on your part and you’re not really prepared to do that.

If it's not a big decision, why don't men do it? Why it's only not a big deal when women have to change their surname?
Flash news: if you don't work a corporate job to stay home with your children, then your husband has to sacrifice his time with his children to provide for your lifestyle. The fact that you don't find this problematic says a lot about you. I personally know many couples who both have flexible jobs and raise their children as partners, not as provider and dependent.

Yes, feminism is BOTH parents sacrificing time with their children at the altar of capitalism. (I think the number of men who would be clamoring to be SAHD’s is on par with the number who want to take their wife’s last name, BTW. Have you ever met a man?)

Sorry, lady, you are too far gone. You have had the whole pitcher of kool-aid and there is zero chance your atrophied brain will ever comprehend that an egalitarian society should be the goal of feminism (rather than an “equal” society, which conveniently continues to center men and men’s interests as the “default” - so your type will continue to strive to be more like men while foolishly believing you’re feminists…)

There's not a single society, feminist or not, that doesn't relay on resources for survival. When women are incapable of producing/getting their own resources they have to rely on men for that. You can never have an egalitarian society where half of the population has to depend on the other half for it's survival. By staying home you're not fighting capitalism, you're relying on it through someone else: a man you agreed to completely depend on because you don't trust him as the caretaker of your children. You have very low standards for men which you expect women to compensate for by giving up their careers and twist this into some kind of feminism. You're the one who's making men as the center of your ideology and fail to explain why you think tjis is acceptable while accussing me of not understanding feminism.

The worst is that you don't even sound dumb, just delusional and in denial.

DP. My DH’s path through college led him to a much higher earning potential than my path. (Note: I absolutely could have taken his path and done quite well. This has nothing to do with gendered career paths.)

It makes no sense, therefore, for him to stay home when he makes 3 times more in his field. It’s not because I think he’s a poor caregiver; he’s not. You’re making a ton of assumptions about why other families make the choices they do.

Your assumptions that men are somehow the center of others’ ideologies is a bit immature. You’re leaving no room for the diversity of thought, experiences, and abilities present in society.

I'm replying to a comment the paints men as useless caregivers and then criticizes women for not staying home.

I don't believe that all men are useless or that it's bad to stay home. I just think it's bad to expect all women to stay home just because you think that men can't take care of theid own children. That's all.

You failed to understand the comments you are upset about. The bolded is what you got from the comments, but that is not at all what the comments said. You read and understood them at a surface level, without considering the underlying point. And it’s really not a difficult point to grasp.

Your lack of reading comprehension is obviously a contributing factor to your shallow understanding of feminism and patriarchy. But you are very clearly all in on the patriarchy, regardless of which man’s name you choose to use.

DP. C'mon now. You don't truly believe what you just said. The other poster did say does things. Not sure why you pretend she didn't. Stop embarassing yourself.

Congratulations, you are Example #2. If I was feeling didactic this morning I would ask you to explain this comment:

“I'm replying to a comment the paints men as useless caregivers and then criticizes women for not staying home.

I don't believe that all men are useless or that it's bad to stay home. I just think it's bad to expect all women to stay home just because you think that men can't take care of their own children.”

Using the previous posts as supporting evidence. Then I would have to point out your obvious (1) projection and (2) conflation of criticism in one area with criticism in another area (I know it can be confusing when the underlying situation is the same, but do try to use your brain).

But it would be a waste of everyone’s time, because you still wouldn’t get it. Your ego won’t allow for the possibility that you are wrong. And in this case you are most certainly wrong.

DP. That other poster is criticizing women for working instead of staying home and then goes to say how men shouldn't be expected to stay home because it's nothing that they want or are good at. You're either a troll, not half as smart as you think you are or something about the conversation triggered you.

#3 that can’t read! All the complaining that goes on here about our failing education system is unnecessary. You three are perfect examples that the system failed decades ago.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women should be independent and make decisions for themselves. Their choices are their own. Unless they choose something I disagree with, like taking their husband’s surname, and then they’re antiquated, stupid, and succumbing the patriarchy.

Being a feminist doesn't mean agreeing with every choice women make. I wouldn't lecture a friend for changing her name, butthe reality is that this is something tgat's only expected from women, never from men, and unlike many other choices, a name change after marriage is only a thing because of a sexist tradition, not because it's practical.

Maybe a woman just wants to do it. Not only should you not lecture a friend, you also shouldn’t think you’re entitled to an explanation or that there is an explanation. Some people just want to do it, others don’t. MYOB.

Friend, have you ever interrogated why so many women "just want to do it," and why virtually no men ever want to? The idea that everyone is making this decision in a vacuum, just "choosing their choice" is quite...naive.

+1
Yes, it's your choice, influenced by hundreds (thousands?) of years of patriarchy. Why people can't acknowledge that is beyond me.

Duh, and so what? Acknowledged. And still people can make that choice. Do you want to take away the choice because you don't like it now?

DP. Nobody wants to take your choice away, but this is a public board discussing name change after marriage. Some people people have a less than favorable opinion on this and they're expressing.

Women who have a strong opinion about this “issue” have a very shallow understanding of both feminism and patriarchy.

Keeping your last name is to fighting the patriarchy as banning plastic straws is to saving the environment.

(i.e. it’s a zero effort way to pretend you give a sh!t, but it’s ultimately a meaningless gesture)

There are many things I don't engage in because I find them sexist, not just name changing. Not doing anything other than keeping your own name is meaningless. Not keeping your name when keeping it is so easy while lecturing other women about feminism is rich.

Agree.
Also, while it may be a straw in a sea of patriarchy, in MY life, which I do have more control over, it's a huge deal

Exactly. I don't necessary care about feminism as a movement as my ability to influence society at large is nonexistent, but this is a big decision on a personal level.

It’s not a big decision, though. With the exception of a few weirdos in this very thread literally no one cares and it has zero importance to anyone or anything.

A big personal decision, for example, is choosing to leave your infant children with low paid daycare workers while you go back to your corporate job and earn some money for you and even more for “the man” because… that’s the feminist choice in your twisted worldview. Plus, not doing so would require actual sacrifice on your part and you’re not really prepared to do that.

If it's not a big decision, why don't men do it? Why it's only not a big deal when women have to change their surname?
Flash news: if you don't work a corporate job to stay home with your children, then your husband has to sacrifice his time with his children to provide for your lifestyle. The fact that you don't find this problematic says a lot about you. I personally know many couples who both have flexible jobs and raise their children as partners, not as provider and dependent.

Yes, feminism is BOTH parents sacrificing time with their children at the altar of capitalism. (I think the number of men who would be clamoring to be SAHD’s is on par with the number who want to take their wife’s last name, BTW. Have you ever met a man?)

Sorry, lady, you are too far gone. You have had the whole pitcher of kool-aid and there is zero chance your atrophied brain will ever comprehend that an egalitarian society should be the goal of feminism (rather than an “equal” society, which conveniently continues to center men and men’s interests as the “default” - so your type will continue to strive to be more like men while foolishly believing you’re feminists…)

There's not a single society, feminist or not, that doesn't relay on resources for survival. When women are incapable of producing/getting their own resources they have to rely on men for that. You can never have an egalitarian society where half of the population has to depend on the other half for it's survival. By staying home you're not fighting capitalism, you're relying on it through someone else: a man you agreed to completely depend on because you don't trust him as the caretaker of your children. You have very low standards for men which you expect women to compensate for by giving up their careers and twist this into some kind of feminism. You're the one who's making men as the center of your ideology and fail to explain why you think tjis is acceptable while accussing me of not understanding feminism.

The worst is that you don't even sound dumb, just delusional and in denial.

DP. My DH’s path through college led him to a much higher earning potential than my path. (Note: I absolutely could have taken his path and done quite well. This has nothing to do with gendered career paths.)

It makes no sense, therefore, for him to stay home when he makes 3 times more in his field. It’s not because I think he’s a poor caregiver; he’s not. You’re making a ton of assumptions about why other families make the choices they do.

Your assumptions that men are somehow the center of others’ ideologies is a bit immature. You’re leaving no room for the diversity of thought, experiences, and abilities present in society.

I'm replying to a comment the paints men as useless caregivers and then criticizes women for not staying home.

I don't believe that all men are useless or that it's bad to stay home. I just think it's bad to expect all women to stay home just because you think that men can't take care of theid own children. That's all.

You failed to understand the comments you are upset about. The bolded is what you got from the comments, but that is not at all what the comments said. You read and understood them at a surface level, without considering the underlying point. And it’s really not a difficult point to grasp.

Your lack of reading comprehension is obviously a contributing factor to your shallow understanding of feminism and patriarchy. But you are very clearly all in on the patriarchy, regardless of which man’s name you choose to use.

DP. C'mon now. You don't truly believe what you just said. The other poster did say does things. Not sure why you pretend she didn't. Stop embarassing yourself.

Congratulations, you are Example #2. If I was feeling didactic this morning I would ask you to explain this comment:

“I'm replying to a comment the paints men as useless caregivers and then criticizes women for not staying home.

I don't believe that all men are useless or that it's bad to stay home. I just think it's bad to expect all women to stay home just because you think that men can't take care of their own children.”

Using the previous posts as supporting evidence. Then I would have to point out your obvious (1) projection and (2) conflation of criticism in one area with criticism in another area (I know it can be confusing when the underlying situation is the same, but do try to use your brain).

But it would be a waste of everyone’s time, because you still wouldn’t get it. Your ego won’t allow for the possibility that you are wrong. And in this case you are most certainly wrong.

DP. That other poster is criticizing women for working instead of staying home and then goes to say how men shouldn't be expected to stay home because it's nothing that they want or are good at. You're either a troll, not half as smart as you think you are or something about the conversation triggered you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stats don't lie, 75%-80% take the last name, mostly divorced dont

Yes, we're aware that most women take husband's name. That doesn't mean the ones that don't should.
Not sure about the divorce part, but lack of divorce might also be a sign of higher levels of traditionalism and not necessarily high levels of marital satisfaction.

Anonymous wrote:For me it was that I knew I was settling and divorce was highly likely. Didn’t want to change a bunch of documents and then change them back. Also both my grandmas and my mother kept theirs though they didn’t divorce, so it was normal for me.
Also I didn’t grow up in the U.S. so maybe some implications of keeping my maiden name were unknown to me

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name because I wanted us to be a family and not someone who's git the foot out of the door. Yes, my husband wouldn't have changed his, but we're not the same and we show love in different ways. Women who keep their nane because "men do too" simply don't get that.