Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - it’s good that you’ve raised the question as for many it is confusing how to gift at milestone celebrations in faith communities other than your own. One important option I haven’t seen referenced here is that virtually all bar/bat mitzvah students choose a community service project. It is always appropriate to make a donation in line with the project. It could be to the specific cause the child is involved with or something similar that shared the demonstrated values. No child or family with think anything but well of a classmate or classmate’s family that opts to make a donation in the bar/bat mitzvah child’s honor instead of (or in addition to) a simple gift.
Only close family members give sizable cash gifts.
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Yes, this exactly!
Anonymous wrote:A card is the most meaningful. If you feel you need to give, a card + a donation to a charity. My first child was touched by several of the cards her classmates wrote... especially beautiful was one that talked about how she hadn't known any Jewish families before ours and always found it fascinating to learn about Judaism from my daughter. That was a standout, clearly, but they were all super sweet.
Anonymous wrote:Just threw a Bar Mitzvah for my son. Saturday evening - nice venue. Gifts from kids ranged from $20 cash to gifts cards (Chick-Fil-A; Dick's) to checks typically $54. A few higher ones from closer friends and a few smaller ones from less close friends. We could not have cared less what kids gave and you should give in your comfort level. It was just so nice for them to come during Covid and bring a gift. For mitzvahs that my son attended, we did $54 for a school friend that was not a close friend, $72 for a closer friend, and $108 for closest friends (where we weren't invited just my kid). Again, give what you are comfortable giving. No one should be keeping tabs.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.
FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).
I could have written this. I was shocked to read $50 based on the same experience. Grew up on the upper east side and went to over 90 bar and bat mitzvahs in the mid-1990s. Our “go to” gift was a Tiffany’s bracelet - the chain link one with the tag you can get a name on. Can’t remember how much it was but it was around $100, I think. Just looked it up and it’s now $400. I’d say at least half of people would get something from Tiffany’s for girls.
I am a transplant from NY, although not the upper east side. You all are living in a wealth bubble and don't seem to realize it. No one around here spends that outrageously on birthday or bar mitzvahs for classmates. The DC area tends to be understated and not to flaunt wealth, even if they have it. It is considered by many to be a bit crass. The $50 range, even a bit less, is perfectly acceptable here. When I do birthdays I actually request that guests NOT give a lot, because honestly we don't need it, and I'd do the same for the bar mitzvah, although I'm thinking we may actually skip the whole giant party thing because honestly I just not religious enough to want to spend 10K on a kid party.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yea, $50 is perfect unless you're not comfortable with that much - then give less! I promise the kid is going to get *plenty* of money from family so no one will care. Hope your child has fun!
Oh I forgot to say that it would be an absolutely lovely gesture to give in a multiple of 18 as the number symbolises "chai" which is Hebrew for "life." So $36 or $54 would be perfect. As a Jewish parent, it would mean a lot if a non Jewish family showed knowledge of that tradition!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.
FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).
I could have written this. I was shocked to read $50 based on the same experience. Grew up on the upper east side and went to over 90 bar and bat mitzvahs in the mid-1990s. Our “go to” gift was a Tiffany’s bracelet - the chain link one with the tag you can get a name on. Can’t remember how much it was but it was around $100, I think. Just looked it up and it’s now $400. I’d say at least half of people would get something from Tiffany’s for girls.
I am a transplant from NY, although not the upper east side. You all are living in a wealth bubble and don't seem to realize it. No one around here spends that outrageously on birthday or bar mitzvahs for classmates. The DC area tends to be understated and not to flaunt wealth, even if they have it. It is considered by many to be a bit crass. The $50 range, even a bit less, is perfectly acceptable here. When I do birthdays I actually request that guests NOT give a lot, because honestly we don't need it, and I'd do the same for the bar mitzvah, although I'm thinking we may actually skip the whole giant party thing because honestly I just not religious enough to want to spend 10K on a kid party.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.
FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).
I could have written this. I was shocked to read $50 based on the same experience. Grew up on the upper east side and went to over 90 bar and bat mitzvahs in the mid-1990s. Our “go to” gift was a Tiffany’s bracelet - the chain link one with the tag you can get a name on. Can’t remember how much it was but it was around $100, I think. Just looked it up and it’s now $400. I’d say at least half of people would get something from Tiffany’s for girls.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.
FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).
I could have written this. I was shocked to read $50 based on the same experience. Grew up on the upper east side and went to over 90 bar and bat mitzvahs in the mid-1990s. Our “go to” gift was a Tiffany’s bracelet - the chain link one with the tag you can get a name on. Can’t remember how much it was but it was around $100, I think. Just looked it up and it’s now $400. I’d say at least half of people would get something from Tiffany’s for girls.
Anonymous wrote:$50 is really too little, IMO. I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989. I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108. So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.
FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift).
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yea, $50 is perfect unless you're not comfortable with that much - then give less! I promise the kid is going to get *plenty* of money from family so no one will care. Hope your child has fun!
Oh I forgot to say that it would be an absolutely lovely gesture to give in a multiple of 18 as the number symbolises "chai" which is Hebrew for "life." So $36 or $54 would be perfect. As a Jewish parent, it would mean a lot if a non Jewish family showed knowledge of that tradition!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Spin off question - save the date for a bat mitzvah in October for entire grade was sent out in the spring for a girl my son has yet to meet. Outdoor tent pizza event. $36 okay? Do kids give hard cash in a card?
I have the same question. Not just how much to give - $36 sounds good to me, because I just feel like it's weird to give more for a classmate - but is it considered rude to turn down the invitation? My kid is super socially anxious and doesn't want to go to any of them, even though inviting the whole class seems to be the thing to do. But he will hardly know anyone there and it would probably just be kind of painful for him.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Spin off question - save the date for a bat mitzvah in October for entire grade was sent out in the spring for a girl my son has yet to meet. Outdoor tent pizza event. $36 okay? Do kids give hard cash in a card?
I have the same question. Not just how much to give - $36 sounds good to me, because I just feel like it's weird to give more for a classmate - but is it considered rude to turn down the invitation? My kid is super socially anxious and doesn't want to go to any of them, even though inviting the whole class seems to be the thing to do. But he will hardly know anyone there and it would probably just be kind of painful for him.
Anonymous wrote:Spin off question - save the date for a bat mitzvah in October for entire grade was sent out in the spring for a girl my son has yet to meet. Outdoor tent pizza event. $36 okay? Do kids give hard cash in a card?