Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 14:10     Subject: Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
I would tell the dh (in a safe, public spot) to come clean or be outed and then follow up in a week or so to make sure.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 14:08     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not want you “investigating” my husband. That is sick and creepy.



I'm not investigating. The husband is my coworker and the person I suspect is his AP is also my coworker. I don't have evidence like them kissing each other or something. There's things like lunches togther, always happening to run nto each other staying late together, when there's no reason to ( not on the same team), frequent flirtation. At the same time, everyone else seems not to be bothered by this, so I guess I could be wrong. But, then again, people smiled in my mom;s face and totally ignored my dad cheating with his coworkers..


As a married woman, I brought breakfast to the office every day and ate with a married male coworker. We were just work friends. Stay in your lane and MYOB.


NP. Do you care if your spouse asks you about this? If you have nothing to hide, what's the problem?

OP, definitely would want to know. Pics would be great and any other info. you can provide is helpful. If it isn't cheating, the spouse should be able to answer questions. Definitely tell. I would want to know.


I wouldn’t have cared, he knew anyway. But I would be pissed if a busybody contacted my DH suggesting I was inappropriate.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 14:05     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:OP, it sure seems like you are projecting your trauma from your dad cheating on your mom with a coworker onto this situation.


OR...maybe given OP's background, she's more attuned to it. If you've experienced it, or reflection, you see things you didn't notice at the time. Your spidey sense goes up, and typically is right.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 14:04     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:OP, it sure seems like you are projecting your trauma from your dad cheating on your mom with a coworker onto this situation.


Agree.

Please don't tell me my husband is cheating because he has a female work friend. You need way more evidence than what you currently have, which is really nothing.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 13:59     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
OP, it sure seems like you are projecting your trauma from your dad cheating on your mom with a coworker onto this situation.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 13:43     Subject: Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:Hmmm….

DP.

I’m a woman who would occasionally grab lunch with a male colleague. We would also routinely chat after work in one of our offices. Different teams, no real joint work.

No affair. Not even close. Just friends who enjoyed chatting about politics, our company’s work, etc.

I did hear from a coworker that someone asked if we were dating. It was literally just based on seeing us walking together coming/going to lunch or being in each others office after 5:30.

Op: if this is all you are seeing, it is likely innocuous. You can sense chemistry or shame when people are doing something wrong.


Devil's advocate if you are so close people think you are dating maybe it's a little inappropriate if one of you is married. I've been friends with coworkers and no one has ever assumed we're dating.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 12:53     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:If OP’s hunch is right, then sharing is only helpful to the extent the wife believes OP. Sometimes people might not be in a good place to hear that kind of thing - like when they are about to give birth. Worse, if OP is wrong she causes undue stress and mistrust for her coworker, his pregnant wife and their family.

OP, ask yourself why you feel compelled to be the hero here. Could it be for personal reasons (to get attention, to be part of the action, to punish by proxy someone from your past, etc.)? Actually it is heroic NOT to stir up drama.



Op here. I'm not interested in drama. I don't even know the wife personally. The reason I asked if you would want to know is because if my suspicions are right I feel really bad for the wife. I have already said that my dad was a cheater and I wish someone had told my mom instead of smiling in her face and knowing my dad was cheating on her and only finding out when he had a baby on her and got nabbed for child support.

I realize I don't have super strong evidence like pictures or something, it's hard to explain in words but things seem off . To me they seem couply and flirtatious and spend a lot of time together for people who are not on the same teams and whose jobs do not really overlap it's not a case where someone could be mentoring the other for example.

And yes I have thought about causing stress to a pregnant woman which is why I mentioned the wife is pregnant.

Anyway usually DCUM is adamant the spouse should be told. . I was just looking for advice on how to go about that. Instead I'm a creepy person who wants to wreck a family or whatever

I guess I'll just myob seems that's what everyone else is doing anyway.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 12:49     Subject: Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Hmmm….

DP.

I’m a woman who would occasionally grab lunch with a male colleague. We would also routinely chat after work in one of our offices. Different teams, no real joint work.

No affair. Not even close. Just friends who enjoyed chatting about politics, our company’s work, etc.

I did hear from a coworker that someone asked if we were dating. It was literally just based on seeing us walking together coming/going to lunch or being in each others office after 5:30.

Op: if this is all you are seeing, it is likely innocuous. You can sense chemistry or shame when people are doing something wrong.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 12:48     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
JFC mind your own business you drama llama!!
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 12:40     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not want you “investigating” my husband. That is sick and creepy.



I'm not investigating. The husband is my coworker and the person I suspect is his AP is also my coworker. I don't have evidence like them kissing each other or something. There's things like lunches togther, always happening to run nto each other staying late together, when there's no reason to ( not on the same team), frequent flirtation. At the same time, everyone else seems not to be bothered by this, so I guess I could be wrong. But, then again, people smiled in my mom;s face and totally ignored my dad cheating with his coworkers..


OP, this is not enough information to blow up a marriage. why don't you take a braver route and speak to the co-workers - tell them people are starting to talk about how much time they spend together, etc -



How would OP be blowing up a marriage? If the guy isn't cheating no big deal and op just looks foolish. If he is well he and his Lap are the ones who blew up the marriage all OP would have done is helped another woman bout, you know sisterhood.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 11:27     Subject: Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why is this “anonymous” person telling you this information and why now? How far along are you in your pregnancy?



No one is telling me anything. I would be the anonymous person doing the telling if it comes to that point.


As for why I have a lot of empathy for wives who are cheated on, especially in the case where there are young children involved and the wife is pregnant, sp clearly not using protection her health could be at risk. and a particular loathing for men especially men who present themselves as good guys/ religious men who are not.

Agree






And how do you know they’re clearly not using protection? Did you witness the man put his bare penis into her vagina? MYOB


OP is the AP.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 11:20     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not want you “investigating” my husband. That is sick and creepy.



I'm not investigating. The husband is my coworker and the person I suspect is his AP is also my coworker. I don't have evidence like them kissing each other or something. There's things like lunches togther, always happening to run nto each other staying late together, when there's no reason to ( not on the same team), frequent flirtation. At the same time, everyone else seems not to be bothered by this, so I guess I could be wrong. But, then again, people smiled in my mom;s face and totally ignored my dad cheating with his coworkers..


As a married woman, I brought breakfast to the office every day and ate with a married male coworker. We were just work friends. Stay in your lane and MYOB.


NP. Do you care if your spouse asks you about this? If you have nothing to hide, what's the problem?

OP, definitely would want to know. Pics would be great and any other info. you can provide is helpful. If it isn't cheating, the spouse should be able to answer questions. Definitely tell. I would want to know.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 11:15     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not want you “investigating” my husband. That is sick and creepy.



I'm not investigating. The husband is my coworker and the person I suspect is his AP is also my coworker. I don't have evidence like them kissing each other or something. There's things like lunches togther, always happening to run nto each other staying late together, when there's no reason to ( not on the same team), frequent flirtation. At the same time, everyone else seems not to be bothered by this, so I guess I could be wrong. But, then again, people smiled in my mom;s face and totally ignored my dad cheating with his coworkers..


From personal experience, if that is what you're seeing, what you're NOT seeing goes a lot deeper, and most likely there is a lot more going on. But no, people find out at the time that is right for them, and you should stay out.
What I would be tempted to do is be a little obvious with the coworkers that you're picking up on it. "Oh wow, you and XX stayed late? Is there a project going on I need to know about? That's weird". But that's me. I would just want to make them squirm.


Me too . Their reactions to that tells you A LOT too.


They do...because if it is an affair or the start of one, the ones invovled just think they're being so cautious and no one would ever suspect. But usually it's SO obvious.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 11:14     Subject: Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Meant without analysis.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2021 11:13     Subject: Re:Wives: how much evidence would you want if someone told you your husband was cheating on you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not want you “investigating” my husband. That is sick and creepy.



I'm not investigating. The husband is my coworker and the person I suspect is his AP is also my coworker. I don't have evidence like them kissing each other or something. There's things like lunches togther, always happening to run nto each other staying late together, when there's no reason to ( not on the same team), frequent flirtation. At the same time, everyone else seems not to be bothered by this, so I guess I could be wrong. But, then again, people smiled in my mom;s face and totally ignored my dad cheating with his coworkers..


From personal experience, if that is what you're seeing, what you're NOT seeing goes a lot deeper, and most likely there is a lot more going on. But no, people find out at the time that is right for them, and you should stay out.
What I would be tempted to do is be a little obvious with the coworkers that you're picking up on it. "Oh wow, you and XX stayed late? Is there a project going on I need to know about? That's weird". But that's me. I would just want to make them squirm.


Me too . Their reactions to that tells you A LOT too.