What's her cup size?

It sounds like OP is dating my ex-wife.

Anonymous wrote:I had a roommate like this one was. She wasn’t exactly lazy. She was adorable and lively, super smart and quite successful (was in training for a surgical sub specialty). She was a total slob though bc she felt like that work was beneath her and others should do it for her.

One of the hottest women I knew from college was also an incredible slob. It was stunning.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples are leaving food out in the counter all day long, never cleaning her dishes, leaving food and cups all over the place, leaving her makeup and everything all over the counters, leaving her clothes all over floor. I’m a very neat person and I’ve never dated someone so messy.

At a minimum she’s a slob and that won’t improve. At worse she has attention, awareness and executive functioning issues and that proliferates across everything (work, home life, raising kids, etc.).

This comment really got to me. OP, my DH and I are you and your girlfriend. I grew up in a dirty home with a mother who cooked but didn't clean much. I literally only remember our house being nice and clean on holidays; I was always ashamed to invite my friends over and panicked when I knew relatives were going to visit. I married someone who comes from a family of white-collar workers, a family that is clean and organized. He was shocked at how much of a slob I was. The difference between me and your gf though is that I was always embarrassed when my DH pointed out a mess that I made, or the food that I left on the counter. I am trying to improve but it's hard because as the PP said, this also extends to executive functioning skills and general awareness.

I dated a guy who was wonderful in every respect, except that when we were drinking coffee, he would wipe the table after picking up his cup. He also wiped the table after I picked up my cup. Every single time. I realized that this was the way he was, that it would drive me nucking futs, and that it wouldn't be fair to him if I was always irritated by his habits.

I think you just have to decide what you can work around or put up with.

My husband, former military, complains about how messy I am. But I do cook. I just ask him to clean up after. We have weekly cleaners too. My mother also cleaned up after me.

This will be a huge bone of contention if later on, you two end up getting married.

Imagine the amount of stress this will cause if you guys actually live under one roof.

This is an excellent reason to break up w/ her.

Anonymous wrote:Crazy how the advice on this forum is always dump or divorce! Sounds like you love her but she’s a slob. Talk to her about how much it bothers you. If she’s as great as you say, she’ll prob at least try to make minor changes. And hire weekly housekeeper. Maybe twice a week - that’s what I’m aiming for with my sloppy husband.

OP has already talked to her, nothing has changed.

Dating is when you take a look at things like this so quite frankly you don't end up in your situation.

Crazy how the advice on this forum is always dump or divorce! Sounds like you love her but she’s a slob. Talk to her about how much it bothers you. If she’s as great as you say, she’ll prob at least try to make minor changes. And hire weekly housekeeper. Maybe twice a week - that’s what I’m aiming for with my sloppy husband.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples are leaving food out in the counter all day long, never cleaning her dishes, leaving food and cups all over the place, leaving her makeup and everything all over the counters, leaving her clothes all over floor. I’m a very neat person and I’ve never dated someone so messy.

This is the biggest source of friction in my marriage and it gets more irritating with time. The signs were there pre-marriage, but I chose to focus on the good things and figured we'd work this out. We cannot.

She may have ADD, which leads people to be disorganized (leaving random stuff in their wake), unobservant (not noticing the food splatters on the wall or counter, the juice they're dripping on the floor, or the thing on the steps that's been waiting two weeks for them to notice and bring upstairs), and averse to things that don't give a dopamine hit (like tidying, cleaning, organizing, etc).

Extra tension points: I try to teach our girls good habits, but my wife contradicts me for reasons.

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Anonymous wrote:I was a slob before marriage and children. But never cleaning, like not scrubbing bathroom ever, never vacuuming, never cooking, oh that will never change. Will be hard for you with children unless you can afford a weekly housekeeper plus carryout for 4 every night for dinner. I'd bail unless you have a lot of money.

OP here. I have high HHI but I’m not going to rider out every night. First, it’s unhealthy, and secondly, I want to teach future kids how to cook. I don’t do all the deep cleaning but I do my own laundry, cook, load and empty dishwasher, hand wash dishes, and clean up the house. Her housekeeper does all of the deep cleaning. I was not a messy person and didn’t think I needed a housekeeper every week. I might have to if I want to make this work.

I don’t want to break up because it’s not a deal breaker for me. I love everything else about her.

It sounds like you aren’t compatible. What exactly do you like about her?

OP here. Well, she’s fit, hot, and has big boobs. She’s very good in bed! Besides looks and sex, she’s very passionate about her job. She’s smart, passionate, ambitious, fun, funny, adventurous, great with kids, enjoys the same hobbies, etc. She’s very kind and generous to everyone. She’s a good tipper ( even with poor service) and goes out of her way to be nice to those she cares about. My family and friends loves her. This is really her only negative I don’t like. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s irritating.

Well, none of that is important after you have kids, except being great with kids when she sees some. After kids, she is exhausted, chubby, hair in greasy frizz bun, and no time for adventure or hobbies. Just work, get kids, dinner, laundry, homework, get kids ready for bed, you all bed. Every day. I can't even watch TV ever. I have no time. I don't even sit on our couch. I have 1 kid.

This is not all women. I know several moms who have multiple kids and are still attractive, fit, and fun. They go on regular date nights with their husbands. It’s important to have a strong connection before you have kids. That’s what keeps things going when kids are young and things are hard.

It's also important not to be a filthy pig.

The fir and hot part won't last long on a lazy person. My friend is extremely lazy. Once she had kids she fell apart. The kids are fat because all they eat is fast food. She does work but basically sits on he couch all day long and so do the kids.

Excellent point. Being hot and fit is easy when you are young. People who are undisciplined - like your girlfriend - don't put in the hard work that's required to maintain a high level of fitness as they get older.

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Anonymous wrote:I was a slob before marriage and children. But never cleaning, like not scrubbing bathroom ever, never vacuuming, never cooking, oh that will never change. Will be hard for you with children unless you can afford a weekly housekeeper plus carryout for 4 every night for dinner. I'd bail unless you have a lot of money.

OP here. I have high HHI but I’m not going to rider out every night. First, it’s unhealthy, and secondly, I want to teach future kids how to cook. I don’t do all the deep cleaning but I do my own laundry, cook, load and empty dishwasher, hand wash dishes, and clean up the house. Her housekeeper does all of the deep cleaning. I was not a messy person and didn’t think I needed a housekeeper every week. I might have to if I want to make this work.

I don’t want to break up because it’s not a deal breaker for me. I love everything else about her.

It sounds like you aren’t compatible. What exactly do you like about her?

OP here. Well, she’s fit, hot, and has big boobs. She’s very good in bed! Besides looks and sex, she’s very passionate about her job. She’s smart, passionate, ambitious, fun, funny, adventurous, great with kids, enjoys the same hobbies, etc. She’s very kind and generous to everyone. She’s a good tipper ( even with poor service) and goes out of her way to be nice to those she cares about. My family and friends loves her. This is really her only negative I don’t like. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s irritating.

Well, none of that is important after you have kids, except being great with kids when she sees some. After kids, she is exhausted, chubby, hair in greasy frizz bun, and no time for adventure or hobbies. Just work, get kids, dinner, laundry, homework, get kids ready for bed, you all bed. Every day. I can't even watch TV ever. I have no time. I don't even sit on our couch. I have 1 kid.

This is not all women. I know several moms who have multiple kids and are still attractive, fit, and fun. They go on regular date nights with their husbands. It’s important to have a strong connection before you have kids. That’s what keeps things going when kids are young and things are hard.

It's also important not to be a filthy pig.

The fir and hot part won't last long on a lazy person. My friend is extremely lazy. Once she had kids she fell apart. The kids are fat because all they eat is fast food. She does work but basically sits on he couch all day long and so do the kids.

I had a roommate like this one was. She wasn’t exactly lazy. She was adorable and lively, super smart and quite successful (was in training for a surgical sub specialty). She was a total slob though bc she felt like that work was beneath her and others should do it for her.

Don't marry a slob of lazy person. You will wsent her. You will have slobs and lazy kids.

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Anonymous wrote:Dump her. Don't marry this person because soon you will have a big messy house and little messy children and YOU will be doing all the work. The resentment is already growing. It will be ten fold if you marry her.

This is not necessarily true. I was kind of a lazy slob when I was single and childless, but having my own kids and household has turned me into a much neater person. Some people change these habits when they find themselves the caretaker and not the taken care of.

Most people don’t.