Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:58     Subject: Re:If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...


I have brothers and would also not care. But I am also a woman and have female friend groups and the same basic principal applies. If 3/4 people in a friend group get together and don't even message the other one, that is mean. Brothers it is just different. I don't even have a sister but see this.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:57     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
I would be hurt. I also would not expect you to offer to watch the baby or the preschooler. She needs to work that out with her husband.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:56     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you’re not my sister, and that you’re not my kids’ aunt.


+5
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:53     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:My older sister and I are planning on taking our families skiing either this Christmas Break, or next if covid dictates that. The youngest kid will be 10 and all are competent skiers, so everyone is old enough for a fair amount of independence on and off the slopes.

We didn’t invite my younger sister, whose kids range from 0 to 10. We love her but little kids would just change the dynamic. I can guarantee that if they come I’ll end up offering to stay back with the baby, while she skis or taking the 4 year with me and being stuck on the bunny slope. Plus then we’ll need to be quiet in the house after bedtime, and . . . Well traveling with little ones is just different. We’ve all been there.

But I also have a fourth sister, who is much younger and a newlywed with no kids. We are thinking of inviting them.

Would you be hurt if all your siblings went somewhere without you?


I would assume you don't like me and don't want a relationship and that would end your relationship. You should invite both sisters. My parents and sibling do stuff without me/us all the time. I have zero issue with it but I know where I stand as part of their family and no longer consider myself part of their family. Now when they demand to see us, especially with covid, its a no. Honestly I don't care if I ever see them again.

You don't punish your sibling because they have younger kids. Its a good time for you to spend with the little ones. She probably has helped you out.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:50     Subject: Re:If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...


I think the dynamic can be different between brothers and sisters and sets of 3 siblings and can depend on how close the siblings are. I am close with all 3 of my sisters and I do think it would be hurtful if I invited only 2 of them on vacation with me. My concern would not be that the sister left out would “flip out” but that she would feel left out and hurt.

I have a group of 4 close girlfriends and I think it would play out similarly if we all planned a vacation without inviting just one person. I vacation with one or two of the friends at a time but if we all got together and said “let’s all go but not invite nancy” our 5th friend would (rightly, IMO) feel excluded.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:35     Subject: Re:If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
I read through 4 pages of comments and am shocked only 1 other person feels this way--I wouldn't care. But I have brothers, not sisters, so perhaps there is something to a sister dynamic I (thankfully) am not subjected to as a part of life.

Can't you just explain to the sister with the little kids what you explained here? You know your sister and whether she'll get it or flip out...I guess on the flip side, is there a reason you will personally feel responsible for making sure her kids are watched so your sister has fun? That's not your responsibility. To me it sounds like perhaps there is a more complex dynamic between this particular sister and OP that has brought upon this question in the first place.

But in general, I'm truly shocked by all these responses, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be "hurt." But I'm not offended by every little thing that happens in the world around me...
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:21     Subject: Re:If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you trying to ruin relationships, on maintain them? That will affect my answer to you.


+1

Kind of sh*tty, OP. DH employed his brother, and the brother went on a trip without DH - the entire family (lots of siblings and their families) were going to the beach and booked an extra week without DH. Truth be told, the job that DH gives his brother paid for part of the trip - so yeah, talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. DH never did anything to his brother, his brother was just being an arse, as usual. Anyway, DH never forgot that, it hurt, even though he never said anything to the brother, he never thought of the brother the same way again. DH's family has a tendency to do that, because the genders tend to team up, but it really hurts DH much more than they know or care to know. They come up with lame excuses, but c'mon.

Don't be rude. If they say no, fine, but at least invite them and share you plans with them, and don't act like you don't want them to join you. That would be pretty awful.


I am sorry your DH went through that. It sounds really mean.

That said, you are completely misusing this expression.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:15     Subject: Re:If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
I don't travel in the crowd that does family (let along extended family) ski/resort/beach trips to fancy places, but my best friend is from a very large, very affluent family where they do that stuff all the time. All the kid generation has reached adulthood (although with remarriages this might be incorrect again) I believe but there's a very wide spread of ages and they never would have excluded one family based on kids' ages. Especially since OP makes the point of wanting to do something nice for the new couple--so reaching out to embrace a new family member while unchecking an existing one?

I would also hope there would be SOME point on the trip where someone would be kind enough to pitch in with childcare so the one couple can have some adult time.

Reminds me of the brewery wedding thread.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:13     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
It would be mean to leave one sister out. You can bend over backwards to explain why you want to do it but it’s mean, nonetheless.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:11     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t invite either of your younger sisters. You don’t want to be irritated with your sister with young kids the whole time and it’s rude to invite everyone but her.

Do the trip as originally intended; with you and your older sister.

I bet she wants the younger childless sister along because she hopes she will babysit.

No, I think her and her sisters' kids are old enough that they won't need babysitting. I think she wants to focus on skiing, which is possible with older kids/teens and with childless people.


But the childless sibling hasn’t been invited and everyone’s solution is to not invite her because apparently she doesn’t have feelings


No, it would also be hurtful to invite the one with kids but leave out the newlyweds. The point everyone is making is that any vacation combination that includes 3/4 sisiters is going to hurt the feelings of the fourth. The current scenario reads as “sister A and sister B want to go skiing together”. Invite a third sister but leave out the fourth and it turns into “Sisters A, B and C want to go on vacation without me”.


+1. We don’t need to be making the situation more complicated than it is. OP should go with the sister she planned with or invite the other 2, also. It would be mean to leave one person out.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 15:04     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t invite either of your younger sisters. You don’t want to be irritated with your sister with young kids the whole time and it’s rude to invite everyone but her.

Do the trip as originally intended; with you and your older sister.

I bet she wants the younger childless sister along because she hopes she will babysit.

No, I think her and her sisters' kids are old enough that they won't need babysitting. I think she wants to focus on skiing, which is possible with older kids/teens and with childless people.


But the childless sibling hasn’t been invited and everyone’s solution is to not invite her because apparently she doesn’t have feelings


No, it would also be hurtful to invite the one with kids but leave out the newlyweds. The point everyone is making is that any vacation combination that includes 3/4 sisiters is going to hurt the feelings of the fourth. The current scenario reads as “sister A and sister B want to go skiing together”. Invite a third sister but leave out the fourth and it turns into “Sisters A, B and C want to go on vacation without me”.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 14:03     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t invite either of your younger sisters. You don’t want to be irritated with your sister with young kids the whole time and it’s rude to invite everyone but her.

Do the trip as originally intended; with you and your older sister.

I bet she wants the younger childless sister along because she hopes she will babysit.

No, I think her and her sisters' kids are old enough that they won't need babysitting. I think she wants to focus on skiing, which is possible with older kids/teens and with childless people.


But the childless sibling hasn’t been invited and everyone’s solution is to not invite her because apparently she doesn’t have feelings


No, the solution is to either not invite the two sisters (one with little kids, one with no kids) and just do the trip with one other family, OR to invite all three sisters, not exclude one.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 14:01     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
I’m glad you’re not my sister, and that you’re not my kids’ aunt.
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 13:53     Subject: If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:Either go with the one sister or go with all. The three of you can't go without inviting one. That would be awful. Yes, I'd be hurt big time.


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/18/2021 13:49     Subject: Re:If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be hurt, but I only have 2 sisters. Inviting 3 of 4 seems troublesome, unless the non-invitee is very very chill.

Traveling with young kids turns it from a vacation into a trip (https://www.huffpost.com/entry/vacation-or-trip-a-helpful-guide-for-parents_b_7789310).

I would just invite everyone, and accept that, maybe encourage a babysitter if that is reasonable. But if you don't want to, just stick with the original plan, or risk really damaging your relationship with your other sister.


also, if i was the 3rd sister with young kids, I'd probably decline joining the trip, honestly. Assuming I saw enough of my sisters otherwise. It's not fun when a trip is not really kid friendly to be the only one with kids, trips are a lot of work, I would not expect babysitting help (unless my parents came, and even then, it is minimal), and i'd likely rather just stay home. But that is just me.